Aboulomania [Skephalo]

Chapter 22

Zak's POV

My thoughts kept me up all night and I hardly got any sleep.

So, I like boys... but I don't know if I like that... very much. I mean, I like Darryl, but I don't like that I like boys... But I like Darryl! Can I not like boys and only like Darryl?.. But he's a boy!

I turned around and stared out my window, hoping the world's lights could distract me from my stress, but it didn't help much.

Am I gay?

I kinda gave myself a stupid laugh. That sounded so stupid in my head.

Do I like girls still? I liked girls back then but I haven't recently, but I guess I never WANTED to worry about girls right now anyway. What would that be anyway, liking girls and... boys?..

I don't know if I'm comfortable with liking a boy, I don't look at Darryl and see him as a boy, as a male. Like, I know he's a boy but I just look at him and think of Darryl.

...That makes me feel better. I don't like some boy, I like Darryl.

Like, I know I'm a boy, but I don't wake up in the morning and get constantly reminded I'm a boy or remember, "Oh, I'm a boy!". Like, I never think of it like that. So it's the same with Darryl right?

I don't like a boy, I like Darryl. I don't like a boy...

I like Darryl.

I thought about it again.

I like Darryl, my best friend who's a...

I sighed.

Boy.

I groaned into my pillow, I will never get this out of my mind!

Who is someone that likes... boys and has "came out" about it?..

...

No one.

I could try telling my friends but...

Vurb would make fun of me and wouldn't listen, he would just tease me and be like "told you!"

Mega wouldn't be a help at all, and I think it's obvious why.

And Zelk would be too kind and wouldn't speak his mind.

...

Technoblade wouldn't understand at all, I swear that guy has never had a crush in his entire life, he probably doesn't even know what it is, he probably thinks of crush as something violent, I swear.

Wilbur? I don't want to go to Wilbur.

Tommy is too straight to even understand what I'm trying to get at.

And Tubbo probably doesn't even know that gay people exist, poor boy. He's so clueless sometimes.

I hit my head against my pillow a couple of times but then an idea popped in my head and I instantly sat up.

Nick! He's soooo suspicious with Karl!

But then my smile faded and I sunk into my blankets.

But he's Bad's best friend, there's no way he wouldn't go tell him once he found out.

...

But then I thought of an evil plan.

Nick probably doesn't want anyone to know about Karl and him, so if he tells Bad, then I'll tell everyone!