MEMORIES (Best Five Ever Series #1)

Chapter 41

I entered our house, and I felt secure and safe. I miss my parents, my siblings, our conversations ,kulitan , and my home. I missed everything.

Naglakad ako papalapit sa sofa at marahang ipinatong ang gamit ko ro'n. Iniikot ko muli ang paningin ko sa paligid at bumagsak ang paningin ko sa picture frame namin.Kasama si lolo.

Since the day lolo died, I rarely talk on my family...I almost lost connection with them. It affects us too much. When he's gone, I feel so down. I'm sad, not mad, because I can never be mad at him. He was precious in my life. He was the best lolo for me.

Whenever I look at every corner of this house, my memories reminisce about our bonding. Masaya kami pero bakit? Bakit kailangan mangyari yon? Bakit kung kailan sinabi niyang babawi siya saka naman siya kinuha sa'min? Bakit kung kailan kami nakakabangon sa nakaraan?

There is still a wound inside me and a healing one... I thought it was closed, but it opened again; deeper. And it hurts dahil pati kami ni Chris. Wala na. Tapos na ang sa'min simula nung araw na niloko niya ko.

Maybe I should stop thinking that night happened to us. It was chaotic, and it was traumatizing. I don't know if I can enter into a relationship with someone after that happened.

Hindi na ako uulit pa. Nakakapangilabot.

"Zy,is that you?" Someone spoke at my back. Lumingon naman ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses na 'yon at ngumiti.

Nanlaki naman ang mata niya at tumakbo papalapit sa'kin at yumakap. Tanda-tanda na ng Kuya ko, clingy pa rin!

"Kuya, 'di naman halatang na-miss mo ko. Malapit na ko masakal sa yakap mo e'," Natatawang ani ko while tapping his arms around my neck.

Sinaman ako ng tingin nito at muling niyakap,"Kuya missed you so much, bibi. I love you, bunso ."

Napangiti ako dahil sa sinabi niya ngunit naramdaman kong nanubig ang mga mata ko kaya naman sumubsob ako sa dibdib niya at do'n tahimik na hinayaang tumulo ang luha ko. I felt him kiss my temple while tapping my back to comfort me.

"K-kuya,bakit ang sakit? B-bakit sakin p-pa nangyari? A-ang bigat s-sa d-damdamin kuya...Nag sabay-sabay e'. Hindi ba p'wedeng time freeze muna? Hindi ko n-na kaya e'!" Nanlulumana kong ani.

Tuluyan na kong humaguhol sa dibdib niya habang niyakap naman ako ni Ate mula sa likod at mahinang tinatapik ang balikat ko. Naramdaman ko ang pagka basa ng damit ko at napag tantong umiiyak din siya.

"K-kaya natin 'to,ano ba! Kakayanin n-natin...m-mo! Zy, hindi lang ikaw ang nahihirapan, lahat tayo... Hirap na hirap din kami. Pero kayanin natin, please? Mica, please, 'wag kang bibitaw kasi nandito pa kami, hmm? Nandito kami sa tabi mo," She said while crying.

And one thing I realized felt bang on my chess.
We've been masking our true emotions for months. We act like we are not affected by it... We faked our feelings just to say we were okay and that everything was fine.

After all, we are traumatized...not only me.

We see how our lolo died in our eyes. Kung paano siya mabaril at mag agaw buhay sa loob ng hospital.

The world is not only revolving around me. We are all stuck in that memory, and it sucks!

Humarap ako sakaniya at niyakap siya pabalik , "I'm s-sorry, Ate. H-hindi ko naisip na—"