Every Rose has it's Thorn.

Chapter 7 - How Do we Fix it?

Hailey Ackles...

Sitting here with Jeremy, or Remy as he had said he liked to be called - I could pretend that my whole life wasn't burning to ashes. I could pretend to be just a normal woman who was feeling out a guy who was definitely interested in my best friend. I'm not entirely sure if he realises that he is into her because I suspect that he is going through something right now. I can see it in his eyes - it's the same haunted look that is mirrored in my own eyes.

Jensen, or Jay as he preferred, - the love of my life. My soul-mate. My whole reason for being. God, I loved that man more than life itself. God only knows how much easier all of this would be if I didn't love him so irrevocably. I could walk away and rebuild my life without him. But the mere thought of leaving him has an ache build in my chest until it becomes difficult to even breathe. However, that didn't mean that I could just let go of what happened. I know it would be much more, simple if I could.

Talking to Remy about it all - it felt like a small amount of the pressure had lifted. To hear him tell me how much my husband still loved me definitely made me feel a little bit better. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to make me forgive him for his transgression.

"What -? No, I don't think -! I'm not in the -, it can't be -, I can't - I'm not ready for that -," he stumbled, the heat staining his very, pretty face. Not going to lie, the guy was beautiful. Steel blue eyes that appeared more royal in colour in the shade, and full naturally rose-coloured lips - he was definitely Hollywood material, and I could imagine fan-girls all over the world fantasizing about him.

"You want to talk about it?" I offered, turning my whole body to face him - it was a move that showed him he had my full undivided attention.

God knows it would feel good to think about someone else's problems for a little bit. I feel like my own issues have been monopolising my time lately. If I am being honest - it has made me feel more run down than I have ever felt. I am constantly tired, my head aches on a constant daily basis and the thought of food makes my stomach churn.

I know that it hasn't been easy for my husband either, he is twisting himself in knots over what he did and a part of me doesn't want that for him but there is a smaller part of me that is glad that he is suffering because what he did to me - most would say it was unforgivable. Hell, his own sister had said those very words to me the other night.

Shayne was nothing if not loyal to those she cares about but when those people make mistakes, she isn't afraid to call them on it and that is exactly what she had done with Jay. I have never seen my husband look more sheepish than he was when Shay tore strips off him for his mistake. I mean he didn't even fight or argue back, because he knows himself that he royally screwed up. And a part of me makes me happy to know that he at least knows that. I don't want him to suffer but I can't just let him off the hook either because where would that leave me?

"I just - I moved here because my last relationship didn't end very well. I needed the time and space to get my head straight...to get back to who I was before Jessica -," he stated, turning to look out over the water for a few moments and I sensed that he was trying to gather his composure, or trying to find the right words to explain so I remained silent as I gave him the time to find his way, "when I first met Jessica; it was instant attraction, like the type where you just can't keep your hands off each other. I wanted to be with her, and she wanted to be with me so we vowed that even with my work, we would find a way to make it work. After a month of dating, she started to become clingy, possessive almost -,"

"Define clingy?" I asked softly.

"She wanted to know where I was at all times, if I was out, she needed to know who I was with, what we were doing and when I would be home. And it didn't matter how honest I was with her - she would spend the whole-time texting and calling me just to ensure I was where I said I would be and with who I said I would be with -,"