Every Rose has it's Thorn.

Chapter 28 - I Need You.

A Couple of Weeks Later;
Shayne Ackles...

It has been a long road and honestly, at times it has felt as if am barely holding on. Especially, when Jonah continues to show up wherever we seem to be. I want to know how he is managing it. I want to know how he seems to be almost psychic in his predictions of where we are going to be. A part of me fears that this is simply never going to end. The only time I feel completely at ease and capable of dropping the façade is here at home, within the walls of my haven.

My haven. I feared that it would never feel secure ever again. Not after what Jonah had done to me in my kitchen. I feared that I would have to relive that moment every time I walked into the kitchen. So, you can imagine my surprise when those memories began to fade and once again, I felt safe and secure within these walls. Deep down, I sense that the reason I feel so calm and collected here is because Jeremy, Jensen and Hailey have moved in. I fear the day they leave because that will be the true test. And I am terrified that I will fail.

Speaking of my brother and his wife - they decided earlier that they were going to spend the night back at their little house a little further down the road. They wanted to give Jeremy and I some space, and I suspect that they want some space of their own. My home may be big, but we have been living in each other's pockets and I know that is because everyone is just trying to ensure that I am coping as well as possible. I am, however, grateful to have the house to just Jeremy and myself.

Yes, I had said that I needed this to go slow and Jeremy has stuck to my rules - never pushing me for more, never trying to take the lead whenever we kiss. In more ways than one, he has shown that he is more than happy to let me take the lead. It made him all the more handsome to me - the fact that he has been so stead-fast in his patience, the fact that when he looks at me; I can see the depth of his feelings for me, and I can only hope that he sees that those feelings are most definitely returned. It is true that I feared I wasn't ever going to be able to become turned on again. But now, I know those feelings are most definitely normal and the important thing was to ensure that I simply don't push myself into anything that I am simply not ready for. And I haven't - I have taken things so slow that it has become painful.

I am walking around constantly thinking about making love to this amazing man who has stuck by my side and never once complained about any aspect of our growing connection. Hell, the man faced going to jail for what he had done for me and still he hadn't once complained, in fact he had gone out of his way to assure me that he would do it all over again if he had too because, in his words, real men always protect women.

"Where are we going?" Jeremy asked, as my hand gripped his hand a little tighter as I pulled him towards the stairs. We had just finished loading the dishwasher after I had made us lemon and herb tempura battered cod fillets and garlic potato wedges and greens for dinner.

"We are going to bed!" Glancing back at him over my shoulder and I caught the exact moment that he realised what I was saying. The dark swirl of his eyes grew until his pupils were completely blown out, the slow sweep of those powerfully charged eyes over my body and the tightening grip of his hand on mine - all made me shudder slightly at the thought of what we were about to do.

I may have made up my mind about doing this but that didn't mean that I wasn't nervous because I really was. Beyond nervous actually. And at this moment I couldn't tell if that was a good or a bad thing. I mean, I know that I trust Jeremy, I trust him with my life, but it is me I am not sure of.

What happens if I look at Jeremy and see Jonah?

What if the feel of him triggers memories to wash over me?