The Path to Hue

Part XVII

"Hey, I haven't seen you in forever... a-are you doing okay?"

"We're strangers picking up Italian food, don't make it weird."

"Oh, I just wanted to ask how you were, Vi. Since, you know-"

"Since I fucked up our runway group? Yeah, I'm doing great. Me and Colin are great, and I couldn't give more of a shit about the rest of the girls. There. Does that catch you up to speed?"

"There's no need to be so defensive, I'm not mad at you-?"

"Whatever, better for me, I guess."

"Order for Violet!"

"Ugh finally!"

She sprints to the takeout window and ties her hair into a quick bun, perfectly nonetheless. She's not willing to even try and talk this out. She's not the girl I confided in anymore.

"Uh Vi?"

"What?"

"Uhm, I- I uh...."

"Spit it out or I'm leaving."

"I miss you, and I don't know what happened between us that caused you to.. I don't know, not want me anymore? Whatever happened, I still miss you. I just want to know.... what did I do wrong?"

Her crystal eyes look through me; and with only a glare, I can't believe I ever thought she would love me back. The way I adored her, comforted her through the worst of her own actions. I spilled my heart out to her, I regrettably thought she could have been my destiny. After all I've done, I'm just another fool who fell for the sweet self-assured facade of Violet WIllow.

"Bye Ruby."

-

I approach my car, warm food in my hands. I overthink, and overthink. My thoughts spiral around Violet. Is she really so content with someone who's such a narcissist as her? Was there any possible reality where we could've worked? What if I held her hand tighter, held her closer. Assured her that I was there. Could I have changed her? Could I have convinced her to love me? Is she capable of such a feeling? Could she have been my destiny?

Securing the food into the passenger seat I sit and try to flood all my thoughts out. I'm not in the headspace to want her, no matter how much I wish she could've confessed this entire situation was an elaborate prank. That she would turn the camera. That she could have kissed me. I turn the ignition and double check that Sky and I's food is safe. Fuck. Sky! I can't believe I'm romanticizing Vi in my head, when I should really be getting home to her.

-

"Hey, how was- Ruby? Are you okay?"

I slam the food on the counter and rush to the bathroom. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

"Ruby, talk to me! I'm here!"

I can't hear her over the shower turning on, and the lock clicking. Not to mention my stomach twisting into itself. I need to distract myself. The water will drown her out. I can't accept her help, when she's not even my girlfriend. But I can't make her be my girlfriend. I can't force her to give what our relationship is, a title. Especially when I loved Vi first. Is Sky a second choice? Am I just using her for my own stupid recovery? A rebound? I lay in the tub and let the water drench me, but my sobs aren't drowned out with the pitter patter of water. I scream, I can't feel my lips.

"Ruby! I'm worried! Please open the door! Let me help you! Please! Ruby-!"

My nostrils flare, my breathing quickens and I choke up with the water funneling into my mouth, I tighten my hoodie drawstrings. I can't hear Skyler pounding the door anymore. This is okay. It's good. No it's not. I told Violet I miss her. I still want Violet. But I can't. Why am I like this? Why do I love a girl who can't love anyone but an extension of herself?

She'll unmask me, spill that I was desperately in love. All my friends would learn to hate me. I already lost Sunny over my own emotions. I can't be happy like this, I can't live like this. Constant breakdowns, constant fear of disappointing everyone, the fear to love again and be rejected. I shouldn't keep living like this.

The tub is nearly full, but I can't bring myself to reach the handles. My hands cradle my face, from wiping my tears to grasping my migraine, it's too much to handle. I can't take it, Violet's voice replays over and over in my head, significantly louder each time:

'Bye, Ruby'.... 'Bye, Ruby' ..... 'Bye, Ruby...'

The tub overflows onto the tile floor, drenching the bathmat. I take a breath and dunk my head into the pool of water, it's much quieter here. I can't hear Violet, or my own thoughts. This is... peaceful. This is... what I need.

goodbye, ruby...

-

"RUBY!"

"Is she breathing?"

"Thank goodness you got us here when you did, fuck. Ruby! Can you hear me?"

"Can you continue giving her CPR? We can talk to her when she's awake!"

"I'M DOING THAT! one... two... three...."

What's.... that pressure... on my chest? Is that.... Jade..?

"She's breathing more steadily! Ruby! You're gonna be okay, I'm doing the hard part for you okay? You're gonna be okay, yeah..." their breath trembles, then counting and pressing my chest again.

"J...Jade?" I cough, as water escapes my throat, splashing onto Jade's sweatpants.

"Oh my god she's okay!"

Bella shoves her arms around me and I'm warm again. Jade follows, then Poppy and Skyler.

"We were so worried," Poppy sobs, "I can't believe you're okay,"

"What...happened..?"

"You locked yourself in the bathroom, and didn't answer the door. I tried and I tried, but you were bawling and falling apart. I-I called Jade and they kicked the door open. Bella pulled you out, we've been trying to get the water out of you," Skyler sniffs.

"...why would you guys... do that?"

"Are you serious Ruby? We love you, we love you so much,"

"I can't imagine what I'd do without you,"

"We're always here for you love,"

They release me from their embrace, and smile to me, Skyler grabs my hands,

"We love you, I love you. Okay? Everything's gonna be okay,"

I gasp and collapse into her, sobbing. My hands clutch her back and I release all the pain, everything bad erupts from my eyes as Skyler wraps me in her embrace, she strokes my hair and rubs my bag. I bawl and wail as she holds me, for what feels like an eternity. This is what I need.