Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 24 - After Eight Years

Alex's ring is on a necklace around my throat, and I fiddled with it as I pulled up to the small house. I found the ring in the pocket of the sweatshirt. I almost shattered on the dirty bathroom floor of that small hotel room when I saw it.

I took a deep breath before raising my fist and knocking on their door, nerves twisting in my stomach and my mind.

It's been so long since I have been here. I felt the deja-vu coming back immediately as I looked at the simple door.

I hosted the bag up onto my shoulder, the gifs inside jangling. I figured that since I had missed the past eight years of birthdays and holidays, I should start bringing them their gifts. I smoothed out my dress as the dogs started barking at the door. I smiled, remembering all the times the dogs would bark at the door even when there was no one there. The doorknob moved, and I touched my hair, making sure that everything was in place. I was freaking out, my sweaty hands trembling a little bit, my mind forcing me to see all the possible ways this could go wrong.

I had worn my hair down today, just like I did every day when I was young. I didn't put on any make-up because I was scared that they wouldn't recognize me. I never kid behind several layers of make-up when I was young. When I was younger, I was confident and sparkly.

My sparkle was torn out and thrown to the ground on September 26.

"Put the damn dogs out!" My mother's voice yelled, and I smiled again, feeling like sobbing at hearing her. She hasn't changed one bit. The door opened, and my mother stood there. I saw my brother and my sister behind her, while my dad was shutting the door to the backyard. My breath hitched in my throat, and I was struck speechless for a second. Everyone looked so grown, but they all somehow looked the same. I looked at my mom, meeting her brown eyes. She was staring at me, and recognition flickered across her face, quickly followed by disbelief. She muttered something, but I didn't catch it.

"Sorry, what was that?" I asked. Mom shook her head.

"Nothing, you just remind me of someone I used to know." She said. I bittersweetly smiled. I probably reminded her of myself.

"Can I come in, I have something for you and your family?" I said. Mom nodded and opened the door. I stepped into the house, being engulfed wth memories at once. Fights, laughter, silence, suppressed smiles, bitten nails, scraped knees, kisses on the cheek, being spun in circles, the front door breaking and flooding the house that one time, the oven almost exploding.

"I'm sorry, do we know you?" My brother, James, rudely asked.

"Yes," I said. I looked at my brother and his mouth fell open. I knew that he recognized me. I smiled at him, and James walked toward me, as if in a trance.

"No, James, Audrey's dead," Dad hesitated. I looked at him, he was standing directly behind his son, but wearing an expression full of curiosity and suspicion, his arms folded around his chest.

"Well, then I look pretty good for a dead person," I said. My mother gasped behind me, and I turned around, checking to see if something had happened. "You okay?" I asked, concerned. It didn't look like she was hurt or anything. Mom nodded and walked toward me. My sister, Levi, followed. Tears tickled my eyes as my mom reached out for me. She tucked a hair behind my ear and looked at me, disbelief coloring her face.

"What's your name? I just- I have no make sure. You look so like her." She said. A tear fell from my eye. I didn't have to even tell them. They knew who I was.

"It's Audelia. It's me, mom." I softly said, and my mom started crying. She grabbed me in a hug and I wrapped my arms around her.

"It's her, it's really her." My mom said, crying. She sank to the floor, and I followed, holding her up. Tears fell off of my cheeks, but I suppressed them. I didn't deserve to cry after what I did to them.

"I've missed you all so much, mama," I whispered, rubbing her back. I looked up at my sister, and she fell to her knees, wrapping her arms around me too. My dad and my brother joined. They were all crying, and my sister kept saying that it was impossible. I wrapped my arms around my family. This was such a bittersweet, abnormal moment, but I lived for it.

I never realized how much I missed them. I missed the stupid fights with my siblings, I missed the hugs from my parents and the love that only your family can give you. I wiped my tears on my hand and pulled away from them.

I didn't deserve them. Someone who has killed the number of people I have, someone who is an assassin for the mafia, someone who has plans on killing another person doesn't deserve this level of kindness and compassion. Someone who is a coward and a liar such as I am doesn't deserve to feel cared for, someone who never fights back and just runs doesn't deserve to feel like she is worth something. There was something raw and beautiful that I felt squeezing in my heart as I reunited with my family, trying to push down the knowledge that I would have to run again.

"I brought some presents to make up for the past eight years that I've missed," I said, my voice warm and unsteady. I handed out the gifts, laughing at their reactions. Dad got those books that I knew mom had never had enough money to get him, and mom got that gift set that I knew dad couldn't ever afford. Levi got a new designer dress and purse, and James got that tool kit that he couldn't buy for himself, but his classes at school required him to have. I slipped 10,000 extra dollars into each of their gifts, knowing the price didn't come close to hurting my bank account.

"How are you alive? We- We saw your body?" My dad grilled me with questions, and I bit my lip, hating that I needed to say this again in the span of a month- when I had refused to talk about it for almost a decade. I shook my head.

"It's a long story, and you're not going to want to sit on the floor for it. I'll get us snacks, you guys go get comfy on the couch." I said. They all nodded, making me grin as I realized they had listened to me for once. This moment was so perfect, even if I didn't deserve it. The only thing that would make it better was if Alex was here. My happiness fell away when I thought of Alex. He would love my family, so much. Suddenly, the back door opened, and I stiffened reaching for the gun on my thigh, but I laughed when I saw the dogs. My dog was still here, after all this time. We had got her when I was fifteen, and she was now nine years old. She was getting along in years, but she still looked as energetic as ever.

Cama slowly approached me, because she didn't remember who I was. I knew that as soon as she smelled me, she would go crazy. I sat on the floor and reached my hands out to my dog. She was a golden retriever, and from what I remember, she loves kissing me. Cama sniffed me, and it was almost funny. She sniffed me and walked around me as if she couldn't remember my smell, but she walked back to my hand, sniffing it more.

"Hey, baby," I cooed. Cama started wiggling so hard that her whole body moved. Some tears fell down my face, and Cama jumped on me, trying to lick my face. My back hit the floor, and I laughed through my tears, hugging her. She licked every part of me that she could reach, and laughter echoed around the room. "Did you miss me, huh, did you miss your girl?" I cooed in a baby voice. Cama laid her head on my chest, still licking my chin. I laughed, and sat up, picking her up and carrying her over to the couch. I plopped her down on her spot on the couch and sat next to her. She crawled into my lap, putting all 180 pounds of dog on my legs. I huffed at the action. My sister, Levi, pet Cama and sat on the floor by me. My whole family surrounded me, and I took a deep breath.

"As I said, it's a long story, so I'll just start at the beginning."