Farce

Chloe

Chloe was one of my first friends. We related because of the prestige and pressures we held. She often appeared insecure and was misunderstood for the way she responds to others in her daily life. I think she genuinely doesn't have the same understanding of empathy nor emotion when it comes to others. She's ultimately invested in what is only hers. In what interests her. Yet, I've seen that even if she seeks validation in bad ways, forcing her own superiority, she does genuinely love some things, like ladybug. I see how she's able to connect with others with it, even if few and being trusted to do something for once.. gave her a moment to reflect upon herself. Someone she admired admonishing her for her insensitivity gave her a moment to finally grow a bit. 

To be honest, I think she misses people's boundaries and pushes others down especially because she doesn't want others to see her mistakes. It's extremely horrible how this has evolved and will never be justified, but, I believe she can grow.

It makes me sad to see how she has become because when we were young, before being so forced into molds, I think we got to see more of the innocence we both held. With both our parents having fashion lines or high power. Yet, she fell in love with the me I am not as we grew.. Became fixated on things she couldn't change and control. She was upset at change. She was hated her lack of control. So, she did whatever she could to manipulate people. And, when it worked so much with her privilege, she misunderstood further just how much churt she was causing. 

She's not my responsibility and I don't involve myself with her any longer. I don't want to be put in the position she idealized me to be in and can't support what she's done. The lack of empathy she has for the world and envy she carries. 

I think she's jealous of what those around her have. Our classmates. She wants to be special- recognized by her mother as something worth staying for. She seeks it. 

But the thing is, I am  envious of others for their parental relationship too. Yet, does she see me doing the same? No! I'm not going to spread cruelty just as my father has. I will never ensnare another into a trap of woven facades and incentives if fake kindness. It's far too painful to go through myself and I could never ojt another in that position even if it meant me getting to leave it. 

I know what it's like to be neglected. I don't know what it is like to be given too much. For her, she doesn't seem to register how value works in this world. That, no matter how much power daddy gives her it's not enough for her mother to care about her or for him to get through to her. I know what it's like to seek attention from someone who should love you, but, hurting other's has never been a way to go about it.

She's isolated in her own little world. It makes me sad to see her act such a way when I know even a little bit of the truth. She doesn't open up easily and never has. Maybe if her dad actually cared about her and set boundaries with her she'd understand that the world holds lines she cannot cross.

 But this isn't my place to say that. It isn't. It never was strictly about her dad. She's not alone in having an absent mother. I know I'm not the only one with a horrid parent too, but both our experiences are valid. Even so, I sometimes wish I could make everything go away. All of the struggles and pain.For all of us.  But funning away was never an option and a fantasy that I know could be a reality much darker. 

Chloe struggles to communicate, but in a different way than I. I can only hope we both find some clarity in life. It's not my job to "fix" her or take care of her. I keep telling myself that.. I'm so used to having to. She's on her own path and all I can do is communicate to her that if she doesn't treat me how I should, she doesn't deserve to be around me at all. 

Since it's gotten so bad lately, I can't even support her. Not when she's being toxic and hurting those I'm truly close to. It breaks me to see her in such a bad place and also leave her, but it's what's best for the both of us when this isn't a stable nor healthy friendship. I don't regret anything. I hold our memories close and they comfort me sometimes when I start to doubt. They  allow me to navigate the relationships I have with my friends now. They've helped me grow into the person I am. Thank you Chloe for being my first friend. I'm glad we had been. I know that as much as I cannot support you, I still wish the best for you.. 

Chloe's actions are her own. She's old enough to be held accountable for her actions. (I also really despise the show for throwing away the character development she DID have).