The Psychology of Love

Chapter 41 Unattainable Love

Chapter 41   Unattainable Love

Sam opens the windows of his office and airs out the room, which is stuffy after the weekend. He doesn't pull up the blinds yet. He doesn't feel like it. The dark atmosphere suits his mood.

It's 9:03 a.m. and the week begins in a bad mood.

After YU and Sam had a tea at 7:27 and finally devour each other, YU wanted to leave right away.

He just couldn't be convinced that it was actually no problem to arrive at the university together. After all, friends could spend time together.

But YU explained to him that he could not control himself. That it was obvious what his only preference was. It would be better if he kept a low profile.

And so, at 8:32 a.m., YU left a disappointed Sam, who fell from the highest high into the mire of his bad mood.

He decided to leave right away. So they won't see each other until 10:00. And Sam can't suppress a fleeting grin as he considers whether YU might even show up early.

Whatever. Sam gives himself a quick shake and resolves not to let his feelings get the better of him.

Then he should just take the public transportation to the university. Giving time also means being patient and letting him go. He wants to accept him as he is.

But he admits to himself that it hurts. He just can't understand. Why does YU want to stay undercover? Why can't he stand by him?

Giving time. He wants to give him time.

And as his mind slowly begins to soothe Sam's basic needs, there's a knock at the door.

Sam startles up, remembering the adrenaline rush at dawn.

With heart beating longingly, he runs to the door and gulps before allowing the next moment.

And when he doesn't see YU at the door, his pulse calms again.

"Good morning, Sam. I'm so glad to find you here. I hope I'm not disturbing you. But there's something I'd love to tell you. And our next meeting isn't until Friday. I can't take it until then, I'm so excited," Hassan says in an excited, cheerful voice.

"What a surprise. Good morning. Your good mood is really contagious.", Sam says delightedly, noticing how he really enjoys the lightness. It also makes him realize how heavy he felt before.

"It's really a coincidence that I'm here early today. My first session starts at 10 o'clock. Why don't you come in? We have some time," Sam said kindly.

"But really, only if I don't keep you from something else. I can wait too," Hassan replies politely.

"Now come on in, Mustafa.", Sam laughs, eliciting a loud laugh from Hassan.

They go inside and Sam finally pulls up the blinds.

"I can't wait to hear what you have to tell me," Sam says, turning on his voice recorder and sitting down in his chair.

Hassan sits down on the couch and ponders where to start. Over the weekend, various emotions flooded him and moved him to unusual actions.

"I don't know how to start," he apologizes.

Sam looks at him and notices his inner turmoil. He can tell he's gotten a little closer to himself. Perceived a metaphor in himself.

"What did you notice about yourself?" asks Sam.

Hassan looks at him with wide eyes and begins to voice his thoughts carelessly:

"Sam, after our session and the analysis talk, I felt so light. Relieved, somehow. I went home and realized I was living in two worlds. I can't describe that feeling to you. I opened the door of my parents' house and entered another world. It felt strange, somehow. And then familiar again. I became restless. Didn't know where I belonged now. And when my mother greeted me and pressed into my hand the letters from the authorities that had accumulated during that week, I almost choked. It was unbearable. I felt an enormous pressure that made it difficult to breathe. I had to get away. Back into the other world. I put the letters in my jacket pocket and...", Hassan suddenly breaks his flow of speech and stares at his hands.