Rabid Cur (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter Twenty-Six

Your throat was sore and scratchy from all of your sobbing. The tears however did nothing to heal the hole in your heart, the space within you that now laid empty. It was unlike anything you had ever felt, this type of pain.

You never realized how much you loved him until that moment. Because despite his accusations and the murder and chaos he caused, what you truly could not bear was the fact that he did not love you.

It was cruel. It was more than cruel, it was pure evil for Kylo to have acted how he did, caress you and care for you in such a way to have lead you to believe that he had opened up his heart to you. As much as you had tried, he was beyond fixing and your move to the dark side would never have changed that.

This world, one that had pulled you in so many directions, was not one you belonged in. Just as the Jedi woman had said. It truthfully was your downfall, and you had submitted yourself as a slave to the dark side for Kylo and Snoke, sacrificing all you cared about. And yet it didn't even matter.

Through much deliberation, after shutting yourself in your former quarters, you reluctantly pinged Anya on your data pad. Whether the knights were right about her becoming a heinous and bitter woman, you didn't care in the moment. You needed her.

And you really needed your brother.

Sadly the man had never felt more empowered since you became Mistress Ren. Because what the title truly meant was that Kylo had become weak. He was changed, and in a way that made it easy for Armitage to change the feelings of those on the council. Whispers, rumors, every manipulation tactic he could think of was used to start to make his way into Snoke's good graces again.

As much as you loved Armitage, he was counting on your downfall. He didn't love you or care about you in the slightest.

Your door knob jingled and before you knew it, you were confronted by Anya and truthfully, your past. Her former long blonde locks were cut choppily and now fell at a bob before her shoulders. Her fierce blue eyes were still the same as before, just as beautiful as ever.

"I'm sorry, Anya."

She sighed deeply, trying to decide what to do. You hadn't seen her for months, all you wanted to do was wrap your arms around her and tell her all about what it was like living with the knights and well... Kylo.

"I forgive you," she said after a beat, but was not finished. "That doesn't change anything though. You have no idea what the regime has been like since you left."

"I know and I'm sorry for that, I truly am. I didn't have much of a choice though."

"You had more of a choice than me. I was thrown out of here and had no where to go. You abandoned me and I needed you."

"This was Snoke's ultimatum. He wanted Kylo and I to rule together, I had to leave to be trained." Cringing at the end of the sentence, bringing up his name just crushed you.

"Yeah, isn't that a fucking joke. Do you know how set they are on finding Luke Skywalker? They're going to stop at nothing, including Armitage."

"Anya, we can't keep talking about this. Look I'm leaving. I'm done with this place, I can't stay anymore."

"What? You've been here since you were a baby, you can't just go!" she yelled.

"I am, and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me."

"What about Kylo? You're literally running this whole place and you seriously are just going to abandon it all?" she asked genuinely confused.

"We're done. I don't want to talk about it and I never want to be on this ship again."

"Let me go with you then. Please, I'll get Kade, I'll even get Eli to come too. They have been through hell the past two months since Phasma cracked down. I almost lost Kade on a mission a few weeks ago."

The way she pleaded with you was heartbreaking, she had never wanted to truly leave before with this much intensity. This place had provided her a home and food, something she cared about greatly. But she cared more about Kade and the chance that they could end up safe together somewhere else.

'Who am I to tell her no?'

"Okay, let's make a plan."

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As you two worked on a plan for hours, it almost felt like old times again. You both worked seamlessly together and had devised a foolproof way of getting Eli and Kade out before Phasma realized. Along with stealing a ship.

You knew that someone in a position like Anya's wouldn't really be missed as they're tossed out every day. But you were Snoke's prize and losing you would greatly upset him. It was going to be more difficult to get you out easily.

The troopers were also of concern because of how much of a hardass Phasma had become. But you had a way with words, and Phasma was formerly one of your loyalist of acquaintances. Tip toeing around Kylo didn't matter, because apparently he didn't care about you or where you were at all. Even if you got caught, who was going to stop you?

It didn't matter at the end of the day. You would soon become undiscoverable, not a trace of you left behind on any planet or system or galaxy. As far away as you could get, you would find a way. And then none of it would matter anymore.

You hoped him and this place would soon become just pieces of your memory, as everything else became.

You didn't know a life truly outside of the First Order, never even seen much outside of this system. All of the galaxies left to discover, the climates and creatures and people to see. There was good left to find in this world and that excited a part of you. And you knew no matter what, anything would be better than being trapped there forced to murder innocent people for the rest of your life. The fight between light and dark would finally rest.

And you would find a new world for yourself.

One without him.