Felt and Fell

Eleven

Zoya

I don't even know why did I picked up his call. The moment I saw Dhara coming into the room, I had this urge to tell her everything.

Sahir said that he was ready to keep things serious. He had said that if this is what I wanted then we should get together and plan for marriage. But that's where the problem is no, He's ready for marriage because I want marriage...not because he wants to marry me.

I don't want to be with him if he has to make a compromise....It feels pitiful.

I don't want to be with him.....this is something that makes my mind go back to....Uh! Aditya. I fell  back on the bed that I was sitting on and hugged the pillow.

Did I ever love Sahir? Or it was just the idea of a happy family that I fell for?

How many times have I wanted to share hot chocolate with Sahir?......... Aditya

How many times have I laughed so hard with him that I almost choked?............Aditya

How many times have I cared to look good... for him? To earn that gaze from him where he'd find me pretty?.........Again..... Aditya.

Everything I think manages to come back into a spiral that had Aditya in it's center.

When Sahir said that he didn't want to marry me and I.....got attracted to Aditya. It felt like I was cheating on the bond I had with Sahir.
Now that Sahir says that he wants to marry me, even the mere thought of going back to him feels like I'm cheating on Aditya.

How stupid is that? He's not my boyfriend. I rolled my closed eyes.

"Dhara...." I said looking at her, she was going out in her pyjamas.

"Hun?"

"You going somewhere?"

"Yeah, With Abeer....why?" She replied.

"Just asking. I'm gonna sleep."

"Okay."

"Can you give me a kiss?"

"Such a baby you are." Dhara came to my side with a soft chuckle, held me head and kissed my forehead.
Patted her head, a little aggressively...the friendly aggressive...the loving aggressive... with a laugh and went out after switching the lights off.

I plugged in my earphones, I don't want to think about Aditya tonight..as well.

'I think we could do it if we tried
If only to say you're mine
Sofia, know that you and I
Shouldn't feel like a crime'

More like.... Aditya, know that you and I
Shouldn't feel like a crime

Uuuuuuhhhh...
Zoya Sleep...sleep.....sleep.........sleep.

I played instrumentals and let that pat me to sleep.

We went to the market today, having the local foods and I hate everything about today.

"What the hell...." I cursed under my breath when I saw Tanya making Aditya taste her kulfi.

'aaou..' I just bit on my own kulfi as we all sat near the bridge.

That 'Oh my god mitti on my dress' Tanya is flirting with him. And look at him... laughing and giggling as if he's having the best time of his life.

Why the hell would I care? I rolled my eyes and turned my back to them. What if I look at them for a little longer and end up catching them kiss?

I don't wanna see him kiss, whatever. I told myself.

They... won't kiss..... right?
Right?
A weird hopelessness seeped under my skin, a hollow in my chest made my head ache with tension. I turned slightly to look at them again.