Versed

XXII

I take a deep breath and open the door. There he stands in his black turtleneck and grey slacks and he's got that look on his face that I could never read. His eyebrows pinched in the center I'm not surprised he's here we always find ourselves back to each other after one in run in. Of course he'd know where I live but how does he know? His jaw clenches and I know he's fighting back his emotions. I look away momentarily trying to regain the composure I had at the restaurant.

"Eric, how did you find my address?"

"I've had it since the start of the divorce it was on the divorce papers you didn't hide your address."

I nod realizing, I remember the choice there to conceal the address on the form. I figured I know Eric, he wouldn't be coming by the house for no reason. Here he is in the hallway of my studio. I don't even have a room like my last apartment, everything is in the one space. I don't know if I should invite him in he hated my last apartment and this is even smaller. My neighbor opens her door carrying a garbage bag in hand. I step aside letting him in weary that the neighbors will hear us speaking. I have a nosy neighbor Beth that is the gossip of the hall she blabs everyone's business to anyone that is willing to listen.

"So you're dating..." He says looking around and then focusing his eyes on me.

I don't know why but there was this hint of sadness in his tone mixed in the form of a question whilst sounding rhetorical. I nod not saying anything, I want to have the words but honestly I'm afraid of what I might say. His scent is still intoxicating, his features still as beautiful and the slight sight of grey in his hair is exciting he's growing and looking so much mature. His birthday is nearing he's going to be 32 years old. I'm reminded of our 10 year difference and begin nibbling my lip reminded of all the ruckus that once caused.

"Please release your lip." He says not looking at me; knowing exactly why, I do as I'm told. He thanks me allowing himself to look at me again. The tension in here is so thick and I wish I knew how to get rid of it.

"Why are you here Eric?"

"That guy is a bit of a shmuck no?"

I chuckle, "No Eric, Marcus is a good guy."

"I seen that little number outside the restaurant created a lot of buzz for my business thanks for that I guess." I laugh and he continues, "It was very romantic ... he's one of those?"

"He is, I kind of love that he's so different from you in that way."

He nods not saying much else, "You really are killing me here." I look around the room desperate for something to lighten the mood. My heels are in the middle of the floor and the light in here is incredibly bright. I notice the dust forming on my curtains, perhaps I should change those. He clears his throat reminding me that he is sitting on the couch alone. Why is he even here?

"Eric what are you doing here?"

"I seen you today and truth be told I was hurt when Marcus, called me your friend." The way he said his name it was distinct, his solemn feelings about him or perhaps that moment. "I realized I'm not even allowed to be that am I? I've tried all these awful three months to not reach out to you but after seeing you today I felt every need to talk to you. I feel like if you're really with that guy maybe now is as good a time as any to be friends."

He looks up at me his blue eyes searching my face gauging for any reaction. I don't know what my face is telling him but I pray I'm not going anything away he sure knows how to read me better than anyone. How scared I am to have him in my circle again. Not because it's him but because of how badly I'd like to have him in my circle again. I am what scares me. I finally allow myself to sit beside him and a chuckle escapes me.