And The Sun Will Rise (ExR Fanfic)

Chapter 13

Song for this chapter:
Blame Jones- If I Could Turn Back Time (Acoustic)

Enjolras had never minded being alone before. In the past, aloneness had been his shield. It had protected him. Now, though, he was becoming intimately familiar with its evil twin sister, loneliness, and it was worse than he'd ever thought it was going to be. He missed Grantaire like a phantom limb, like oxygen, even though he told himself he had absolutely no right to. He was the one who'd left, after all, but that knowledge did nothing to ease the pain. For the first two days post-Grantaire, he did nothing except lie in bed and marinate in his feelings of regret and guilt, not talking to anyone. It was a shitty way of existing, but he knew he deserved it. When the third day rolled around, however, he finally decided that enough was enough. No matter how tempting it seemed, he couldn't shut out the world forever- and also, he really needed a shower.

Heaving himself out of bed, he staggered into the bathroom and started when he saw Courf was already in there, trying to reattach the tape to his nose. Enjolras's first instinct was to scurry straight back to his room and avoid his former best friend. He just didn't feel strong enough for a confrontation between them right now. But Courf had already spotted him in the mirror.
"Oh, so you're alive, after all."
Enjolras just shrugged, trying not to flinch at the sharpness of his friend's tone.
"You look like shit, though" Courf went on, talking to Enjolras's reflection like he couldn't even bear to look him in the eyes.
"I feel like it, too" Enjolras replied quietly.
"As you should."
"Look, I know you're mad at me and that 'Ponine is, too and I know I deserve that after everything I did... but I'm hurting, too, okay? Do you have any idea how much I regret what I've done?"
Enjolras's voice shook with emotion. He didn't expect Courf to care or to understand him, but he'd needed to say the words, anyway. However, Courf surprised him by finally turning to face him and saying "Well, you know the solution then, don't you? If you're really as sorry as you say you are, go and apologise to 'Taire."
"No, I can't. He would never forgive me and well... he doesn't need any more of my mess in his life. It's probably best for everyone involved if I just stay away from him."
It broke Enjolras's heart to say it, but he knew it was the right thing to do.

"Oh, bullshit!" Courf shot back. "Stop lying to yourself, Enj. You still love him, no matter what you say. Do you really want to throw all of that away because you can't see past your own stupid pride?"
"It's not about pride, Courf, it's about me breaking his heart in the worst possible way."
"Well, as somebody who's kind of an expert in breaking hearts, let me tell you this: Most of the time, the damage is fixable."
"Do you really think so?"
"Yeah, I do. But then again, maybe I'm not the right person to ask, after all. I've never been on the receiving end of heartbreak... until now."
"Wait, what?"
"'Ponine" was all Courf replied.
"What happened between you two?" Enjolras asked carefully, not wanting to make his friend angry now that they were finally talking to each other again.
"She shot me down, that's what. On the night I was at the hospital with her, I really thought we were getting somewhere... but then, she said we could never be anything more than friends, because she's still in love with Marius. I mean, honestly, what does Pontmercy have that I don't?"
"I don't know. It's not a brain, that's for sure."
For a second, Courf smiled despite himself, before his face grew sad again.
"I'm sorry to hear that, though" Enjolras went on. "I was really rooting for you two."
"Yeah, so was I."
"Seems like we're both just unlucky in love, huh?"
"With the difference that you still have a sliver of a chance. If it was me, I would grab that and never let it go" Courf said seriously.
"Maybe you're right."
"There's no 'maybe' about it."

Before Enjolras could think of anything to reply to that, there was a loud pounding on the front door. It sounded like somebody was trying to break it down. Enjolras's first thought was Shit, it's the police again. Courf must have thought the same because he shot Enjolras a panicked look.
"What do we do, Enj?"
"Well, I guess we'd better open up because I don't think we can afford to replace that door if it flies off the hinges."
Taking a deep breath, Courf went over and opened it just a crack. Enjolras couldn't see who was standing on the other side, but judging by the way Courf's shoulders slumped in relief, it wasn't the police.
"What on earth are you doing here, Gavroche?" Courf asked, thus solving the mystery of who'd been trying to smash in the door.
"Settling a debt" was all Gavroche answered before he shouldered his way past Courf and into the flat.
"Look, if you're here because of your sister, we're not together or anything" Courf said, catching hold of his arm.
"This is not about 'Ponine. I'm here to talk to him" Gavroche shot back, wriggling free of Courf's grip and glowering at Enjolras who was still standing in the hallway.
"Me?" Enjolras asked, as a sense of dread flooded him. This had to be about Grantaire... and he had a feeling it was going to get messy.
"Yeah, you. In private."
Courf gave Enjolras a 'what the hell is going on?' look, but Enjolras waved him off and said to Gavroche, "Okay, let's go to my room."