12-home bound

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The first week home, all I could think about was my body and how different it looked. I knew it was for the best, but I had a difficult time accepting it. I instantly thought I would
relapse when I got home. I made a change when I talked to my eating disorder dietitian.

I do not know what Meredith told me, but whatever she told me made me feel better. I currently still struggle with body image, but am doing a whole lot better. I owe Meredith a lot, just like I do Renee.

I was thrilled to see Alan right when I got out. I told my mother that we are getting back together. I did not know if we were or not though, but I had my mind set that we were. I invited Alan over several times and I never really got a straight answer. He would say things like "probably," or "most likely,". I would get so excited for him
to come over and when he would not show, I would break down and cry for the rest of the day. Alan would tell me he still loves and cares about me, so this confused me. Every rare face time call we had, I would ball my eyes out even speaking to him. Alan was practically avoiding me through calls and text. His words did not match with his actions. Alan would say he loved me, but could not show it. This left me with a confused heart.
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