Koi No Yokan

Prologue

Rainey

"Gosh! Do you really have to humiliate me infront of the people out there, Rain?!" Gigil na sigaw sakin ni Elle matapos akong kaladkarin papuntang parking lot, malayo sa lugar kung saan nagaganap ang reception ng kasal ni Ember at ni Cray.

The formal wedding of the woman I love to my best friend's adopted sister.

Patuloy lang yung pag-agos ng luha ko na hindi ko malaman kung kailan ba matatapos. I have been dying with this pain after Ember turned down my marriage proposal and choose to marry Elle's sister instead just a day after I proposed to her.

I should be the one standing there. I should be the one accepting those vows. I'm the one who's been loving Ember openly. Too much that I left myself open and bleeding. So why? Paano nila nagagawa sa akin ito?

How could they be that cruel?

"So, hindi ka talaga titigil kakaiyak?" Naiinis nang sabi ni Elle na kulang na lang ay sapakin na ako. "Had I known that you'll just create a scene here, I wouldn't have thought of inviting you in the first place. Nakakahiya. Mapapagalitan ako nila Mommy."

"I-I... I-I'm sorry." I said in between sobs before wiping my tears away using my fingers. "I-I.. I-I j-just can't help it."

Gusto kong sumagot na kasalanan nito. Ito yung mapilit na sumama ako. Ito yung nagsabi na dapat magmove on na ko dahil ang tagal na daw naman namin na naghiwalay ni Ember. Akala ba nila ganoon lang kadali iyon?

Ember is my whole world.

But I choose to keep my mouth shut. I am so tired. So tired to explain why it hurts. So tired telling how much I am dying inside. Just goddamn tired.

"Naman, Rainey!" nagsisimula na talagang mairita si Elle. Masama na yung tingin na binabato nito sakin. Halatang masama na ang loob sa inaakto ko. "Akala ko ba hindi mo ako ipapahiya?" Tumulo na din yung luha ni Elle. I can't help but to feel sorry for her. "Kung naririnig mo lang yung mga bulong-bulungan doon. Ako yung naaawa sayo."

Pero anong magagawa ko? I just can't stop my tears from falling. Halos magdugo na yung labi ko kakapigil ko umiyak lalo na noong nagbibitaw na ng vows si Ember sa babaeng traydor na pinakasalan nito. Paano nito nagagawa na mahalin pa din yung taong iniwan at kinalimutan naman sya noon?

I was there. I am always there. Just behind her. Making sure she won't fall. As I was putting her on top, carrying the weight of her unrequited love to my best friend's sister, I was making sure that my love for her will be enough for the two of us. I am so busy loving her that I fail to realize that she was already taking a different path than the one we were supposed to take.

Si Cray. Si Cray na naman. Kay Cray na naman.

And I am really hating the thought that Cray, of all people, just an adopted, average-looking woman, who has no exceptional skills, can make Ember so gaga just to get her attention.

Ako yung nandoon mula pagkabata sa tabi nito. As Ember is too busy preparing food for Cray, I am the one busy preparing food for her and will ask Cray to give it to Ember. As Ember is too busy in getting Cray's attention, I was there, just waiting for her to glance my way. Lagi nyang inaayos yung mga gamit sa locker ni Cray. Pero ako naman yung laging nag-aayos ng gamit nya.

I know everything about her. From the books she loves to read, to her favorite color, to her favorite superhero, to the funniest and weirdest things she had ever done, all of her quirks, pet peeves, pains, likes and loves, up to all of the most painful words she had ever received from Cray. I was there.