In which Changbin is depressed and doesn't let anyone in but Felix.
Only when his members aren't watching, though
•First book of the Memories Series;
•No side ships ( a book per ship )
•Translated to Arabic by @Wafachii
Tw//
Depression
Panic/Anxiety...
"The rain that builds up on the roof that has been torn down I know so well that I repeat it I need someone. I need someone to get Ask me again, is it okay? Anybody"
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————— Tw// Self harm —————
It was a mistake.
A huge mistake.
As soon as Felix left through that door, Changbin's head started working too fast, too loud, too much.
I love you.
Felix and him always said that. They loved each other. It was simple.
Why did it feel so good? Why did he fell so much hearing those words?
No one could love him. Felix had to be lying.
Changbin threw himself at his bed, burying his face on the pillow, begging his brain to stop.
No one could love him. Specially not Felix, and specially not the way Changbin wanted Felix to love him.
He whined and turned to the side, forcing his eyes shut and refusing to think about that again. He had been avoiding that conversation with himself for years now, and he wasn't going to let that night ruin it for him.
I love you.
I know, I love you too.
Fucking heart. Fucking feelings and fucking brain.
Changbin couldn't help it but to want to kiss every single freckle Felix had, he couldn't help it but to want to feel his hand on his all the time, to let the taller hug him no matter the situation. He wanted too bad to have Felix's love, when he couldn't even love himself.
It was selfish, after all.
His body moved to the bathroom, without his brain even ordering it too, but Changbin was too tired to fight it. Too hurt.
He was broken, and no one could love a broken boy.
He opened the drawer and took his blade out, thanking every god he knew that none of the members had found it before.
And no one could fix him either.
He took a deep breath and let the thin blade hover over the previous marks, a single tear falling down his face.
Felix deserved better.
He pressed it down, feeling all his struggles leave his body, emptiness following.
—————
When the door opened he panicked.
Not that he hadn't covered his arms already, after taking care of all the new cuts and dressing an oversized hoodie.
![Streetlight [Changlix]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/281583902-64-k557607.jpg)