CHAPTER 12

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THAT night was traumatic. So traumatic that the school thought we needed to talk to a counselor. I had Derek get me out of it.

I was sitting outside of the guidance office waiting for Stiles to be done with his session.

I knew I shouldn't, but I was listening to their conversation. I just wanted to make sure Stiles was okay.

"You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you blackout. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's actually kind of peaceful," I heard Stiles tell the guidance counselor.

"Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" Ms. Morell asked.

"I don't feel sorry for him," Stiles answered.

"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?" She questioned Stiles.

"Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. He also had some of Nova and Allison together. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train," Stiles responded.

"One positive thing came out of this, though. Right?" Ms. Morell reminded him.

"Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between us. I don't know. It's just like tension when we talk. The same thing with Scott," Stiles replied.

I frowned. I just wanted things to be good between Stiles and his dad. I want him to be happy.

"Have you talked to him since that night?" I heard Ms. Morell ask.

"No, not really. I mean, he's got his own problems to deal with though. I don't think he's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Nova and I are good but she's got some stuff going on. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Actually, the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal," Stiles explained.

"And what about you, Stiles? Feeling some anxiety about that championship game tomorrow night?" she questioned him.

"Why would you ask me that? Uh, no. I-I never actually play. But hey, since one of my teammates is dead and another one's missing, who knows, right?" Stiles defended.

"You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you?" Ms. Morell asked.

I straightened up at the mention of Isaac.

"How come you're not taking any notes on this?" Stiles questioned.

"I do my notes after session," She answered.

"Your memory's that good?" Stiles asked.

"How about we get back to you?" Ms. Morell suggested, "Stiles?"

"I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible's about to happen," Stiles admitted.

"It's called hypervigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat," Ms. Morell informed him.

"But it's not just a feeling, though. It's--it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe," Stiles added.

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