Why Did I Fall In Love!? (Boy x Boy Ship)

Chapter Eight: To Confront Oneself

(A/N) Hey guys, a day late but here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy. Remember to vote, comment and follow. Take care :) xxx

"Time to eat!" Ash says with excitement as breakfast is served. The Pokémon cheering with him. Gou looks at them with a slight smile. Ash hasn't mentioned what happened yesterday since they returned to the house. He did promise not to breath a word but Gou still feels a little embarrassed. He didn't think he'd ever attempt...that... But, all of a sudden, he nearly did. He was sure he would walk right off that cliff. He clearly didn't understand the full extend of what he was feeling. He was so used to shrugging off his feelings but perhaps that was a bad idea. His subconscious is clearly in distress and his mental health is deteriorating rapidly and will continue to do so if he continues down this road.

It's time to confront himself...

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"Gou! Are you coming to the pier with us?" Ash asks with a smile.

"No, I don't really feel like going anywhere today but you all have fun, OK!" Gou responds.

"Are you sure?" Ash confirms a little more solemnly.

"Yes, of course!" Gou replies.

"You'll...be here when we get back, right?" Ash asks nervously.

Gou nods in acknowledgement. "Yes!"

"Promise?" Ash persists.

"Yes! I promise! Now go!" Gou chuckles.

Ash nods as he turns to walk out the door. Gou turns to walk to the stairs, when suddenly he feels arms coming round him from behind. Gou is shocked. He didn't hear any footsteps. He lightly places his hands on Ash's arms. They hold that position for a few seconds before Ash releases his grip.

"Well...I'll see you when we get back!" Ash says running out the door.

Gou doesn't turn round. His face is so red. He wishes the hug lasted a bit longer. He really liked it. It was comforting. He can still feel the heat from Ash's arms wrapped around him. He can still smell him. He slowly walks up the stairs and turns into their bedroom. He closes the door behind him and approaches the mirror. He takes a long look at himself. The past few weeks have been tough. There are still things he doesn't quite understand. He still doesn't quite understand how or when he fell in love with Ash. It was as though it happened overnight. But... No matter how he looks at it, and no matter how much he tries to deny it. He has to admit the truth... He's in love with Ash.

He still can't tell him how he feels, and part of him doesn't want to tell him. Despite the way he feels when they have their moments, he still doesn't want to push this further. He knows Ash doesn't feel the same way and he knows it would just make things awkward. He'd rather keep Ash as a friend than risk losing him altogether.

The hope now is that since he's admitting how he feels, he might be able to handle them better. Or maybe not...

"This is so complicated!" Gou says to his reflection in the mirror. "Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it have to be like this? Why did I have to fall in love with him?"

Obviously, he doesn't get an answer from his mirror self.

Just because he's accepted that he has feelings for Ash, it doesn't mean he has to like it. It doesn't mean he wants to have those feelings. He would still be happier if he woke up tomorrow and he didn't feel this way anymore. He'd still prefer not being in love with Ash, but, life isn't that kind. He'll just have to put up with it and hope that over time, he'll get over it.

Gou let's out a big sigh. He doesn't feel much further forward. It just seems he's went round a big circle and he's back where he started. No solutions. He didn't think he would ever be in this position. But then...does anyone?

"One step at a time... Each day as it comes..." He repeats to himself a few times. That's all he can do for now.

What else can he do? If he can't come up with any solutions and he's hell bent on not telling anyone about it, there's not much else he can do. It's just so...frustrating.

Gou continues to look at himself in the mirror. He has a sad expression on his face. Despite everything he said, he still can't help how he feels...

"Wouldn't it be great though...?" He starts to say to his reflection before shaking his head.

"No! That's the whole point you moron! You can't think that way! You need to get over your feelings! You don't have a choice!" He says sternly pointing a judgmental finger at his mirror reflection.

Giving out a huge sigh, Gou falls backwards onto his bed and covers his eyes with his hands.

"This is exhausting..."