In The Stars To Hold Our Destiny

Gosh, I love her

For once, I get up before Julie or my parents. I go into my bathroom and shave my face, take a shower for the first time in months, comb my hair, brush my teeth, and put on something nice.

I look at myself in the mirror I wouldn't say I look good, but at least I look like I'm trying.

I can't let her believe I've forgotten about her.

Not now, not ever.

I get into my truck, start the engine, and back out of the driveway while entering the address onto Google Maps on my phone.

Are you sure you're ready for this? As I drive, I think to myself.

In some ways, I guess I'm stronger. Instead of ignoring texts from my friends, I've started responding to them. And today is the first time I haven't freaked out while looking out her window.

But, today is the day that I will see her. Going to the cemetery and standing in front of an engraved gravestone with Everly's name on it. Now that the time has come, I'm terrified to death.

I mean, this is something I could do tomorrow. Maybe I'll just turn around and go home, where I can sleep some more and watch Netflix. I could even make plans with a friend I haven't seen in months to avoid this...

I shake my head, thinking to myself, C'mon Travis, you can do this.

Hopefully, the drive will give me enough time to pull myself together.

It took almost an hour for me to park my car and see the iron gates. Beautiful trees provide shade over the ocean of gravestones, and the accumulated grief is released into the branches.

I take my time walking down the path, pausing to look at each gravestone as I delay my objective. I see that some of the plots are well-kept, with fresh flowers climbing all along with the stone and gifts from friends, relatives, and loved ones arranged beneath. While others are overgrown.

I go a few more steps down the path when I suddenly notice a sea of sunflowers, as well as a variety of other flowers, but primarily sunflowers, all around the gravestone along with cards and gifts. Sunflowers were her favorite flower.

EVERLY RAY PARKER. 2004 –– 2021 "I hate to leave you all behind, but we'll meet again one day."

My breath has been taken away from me.

I place my bouquet of baby's breath that was from my parent's garden in the backyard on top of all the other flowers surrounding her grave, I made a bouquet of baby's breath because it means I will love you forever.

Gosh, I love her.

My hand finds the coarse gray stone as my fingers trace her name. Tears start to stream down my face.

I murmur, "Everly..."

I come to a halt, my full hand resting on the stone, all of my suppressed emotions exploding all at once.

"I-I can't believe this," I murmur, wiping the tears from my face. "But I have to deal with that every day when I wake up and you're not there."

I'm dying from a stab of pain shooting out from a single place, nearly boiling. I fight to keep going.

I chuckle nervously "If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have gone; if I hadn't left, we would be together right now... The truth is that I never imagined that I would be the one to feel lonely. I figured I'd just bounce back into the midst of it all, but when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, I'm not so sure. I don't see anyone. I miss seeing someone. I miss feeling something... Everyday I miss it all."

I open my mouth again, wanting to say more, wanting to ask her so many questions and receive so many answers that I will never get, but my thoughts deteriorate into a tangle of words and grief that is too chaotic to put together.

I lift my hand off the stone and walk back to my truck after looking at her grave for a few moments. As I sit in my vehicle, unable to move, I begin to sob as I rest my four head on the steering wheel.

When I get home after twelve o'clock, I enter the front door to find my mom seated on the sofa with Maggie at her side, the TV on, and my dad seated at the table with his computer in front of him.

I'm halfway to the top of the stairs when my father yells out my name, and I turn around and walk back down the stairs to face him.

"Where were you?" he asked me.

I say, "Out."

He inquires, "Where is 'out'?"

"Does it matter, Dad?" I say sternly.

We begin to shout at each other at the same time, to the point where we are unable to understand each other.

"Travis, are you on drugs?" he asks abruptly.

"Hell no! Dad, I was at the graveyard visiting Everly! What's the matter with you? I was visiting her grave since she died and had a funeral without my knowledge when I was in the army, and I was there thinking I was going to marry her because I wasn't receiving any letters or calls, so I assumed she was happy and healthy, but I guess not! It's entirely your fault!" I screamed angrily at the top of my lungs.

He took a step forward. "It's my fault? I'm not sure how this is my fault."

"You killed everyone I care about!" I yell at him, "Mom, Julie, and Everly are three of the most important people in my life. Dad, how could you abandon me, leave me alone, and send me away from my family and friends for four years without my permission? Do you have any idea how fucked up that is?"

He was taken aback. "Please accept my apologies; I had no idea how much leaving for only four years would affect you."

"No, you just didn't care enough to know," I say, staring him down.

I walk out the front door and begin walking to who knows where. I look over to see the Parkers' house with two plates of food in some type of container put at their doorstep with messages written on the food.

Amy, Everly's sister who I haven't seen in years, is the one who opens the front door. She looks the same when I left, but just with bangs and a shorter haircut. Amy picks up the food then she looks at me in the eyes.

"Travis!" Amy calls out my name as she puts the food to the ground and approaches me.

Amy hugs me and I hug her back, and then we let go of each other, and she just stares at me. "It's wonderful to see you again."

"It's nice to see you, Amy." I say.

"I want to give you something," she says as she pulls a small yellow envelope from her pocket. "Everly-she asked that I give this to you before she left, and I just never got the chance to do so."

Before Amy goes back inside her house, I take the yellow envelope and thank her.

I walk back to my truck, get in my vehicle, and drive to the beach, where I park my car. I take the envelope but don't open it right away. It says: TO: Travis, followed by: FROM: Everly when I glance at it.

I carefully open the envelope and remove a folded piece of art paper, which I unfold to reveal a painting of myself. It looked exactly like me, down to the eye color, hair color, and facial features, which were all incredibly realistic. It had her signature and the date she painted it underneath my portrait.

I notice that you seem to find every cloud on a beautiful day when you lose someone you love. You appear to hit every traffic light on the road, and no mirror will leave you satisfied. Losing someone you deeply love isn't about death, no. It's about surviving in a world without them, and that's the hardest part.

I started crying because I love her and miss her even more.

Suddenly, a little piece of paper falls out of the yellow envelope; I pick it up off the car's floor, unfold it, and read it:
If you come to our home, maybe all of your questions will be answered. -Love, Everly.