The Fake Boyfriend [completed]

18: Practice kiss and more fake feelings

I have been whisking the ingredients together for a while now waiting for the thickness and color to be perfect. Diana is reading over the cooking reports, description of the dishes, and the ingredients. I had distributed the word count evenly during the course of the project, so everything was aligned well enough.

"I like the font that you picked." Diana holds the paper up and shows me the letters even if I'm the one who did it and know exactly how it looks.

"Really? I just randomly picked one." I tell her which is a complete lie. I actually spent hours changing fonts and picking a new one. I wanted it to be 'aesthetic'; just like Diana likes things. After a while, I was able to narrow it down to ten. Then I had Alejandro and Clarissa pick their favorites (they totally gave me hell when I told it for what it was) and from their favorites, I picked the one I currently have.

"You did good." Ever since my little breakdown the other day at the park, we've been a bit distant? I'm not sure if that's the word I should be using in this situation. I mean, I cried the Nile River for fucks sake. I totally trashed her clothes with my snot and tears.

Yeah, that's disgusting now that I think of it. It's not that I'm embarrassed that I cried in front of her. Not at all. Mami always made Alejandro and me show our emotions. She taught us that men are allowed to be vulnerable and sad and uncertain. Mami has always hated how society views men as weaker if they show their true emotions.

Just like mami said: Real nenes lloran. Real men cry, okay?

I don't really remember much about that night or as I like to call it "The Nile River Part Two". I remember crying and holding her for a long time. Actually, she held me. I remember how her hand rubbed my back and how she whispered words of encouragement to me. And I remember how badly I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to feel her thick lips on my own. I wanted our skins to touch and I wanted us to melt into each other. That night I had never felt safer in my life. I was being guarded by one of the people I most deeply care about and she felt like a fort. She held all my walls but at the same time, she allowed me to crumble.

You know when you are little they teach you the heart is a beautiful shape. Two lines curved at the top. The truth is, the heart is an ugly shape; form. A line with a semi curve that has to be protected by the rib cage. That's how I see my feelings for Diana, so strong they must be guarded by a cage, but they run so deep I'll never run out of love. Just like the heart doesn't run out of blood.

Diana and I are so distant, I even forgot to send 'the text' this morning, I forgot to send her the morning pick-up line and today was a great one. Something about her heart always pumping inside of her, but not me.

Fuck, that was a good one.

"Diana?" I wrap the bowl with parchment paper and place it inside the fridge. We did the coquito earlier, so we don't have to worry about that anymore.