𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚 - phil foden

56

i go back to my bedroom where i ly down straight away and grab my phone.

i message maya.

*the messages*

me: you got what you wanted, phil doesn't want to be with me anyway

maya: i'm sorry y/n, i never wanted you two apart. i just wanted you to make sure this was the right thing for you. i'm sorry it isn't going to work out

me: it's not your fault

maya: can i do anything to make you feel better?

me: don't think so

maya: okay well let me know if there is

me: i love him

maya: i know you do

me: i hate him

maya: i know you do

me: why does he have to be so fucking hot, like why? when i'm trying to get over him, all i can think about is his gorgeous face and how i miss it so badly

maya: everyone goes through this, it's the first stage of a breakup. it's normal

me: i need to do something...

*end of messages*

i turn my phone off and place it on the bed, i slowly stand up taking a deep breath. i walk over to the door and open it, to phil.

"hi." he says

"hi." i reply

we both stare at each other for a good two minutes.

"can we talk?" he asks

"why would you want to." i say

"i want to make things better." phil says

"i don't think you can." i say

"please." he says grabbing hold of the door to make sure i wasn't going to shut it

"fine." i say

"i'm really sorry for last night, as you know i wasn't meant to be proposing. but when you said yes, this image popped into my head. of us at christmas, with our baby, we were married and we had our life together. i wanted that, so i never told you it wasn't an engagement. i didn't have the guts. i'm so sorry y/n." he says

"i don't get it phil." i say

"what do you mean?" he asks

"you don't want to be with me." i say

"what?" he asks

"you don't want to be with me." i reapeat

"where have you got that from?" he asks

"jack told me, he told me he overheard you saying to mason that you didn't want to be with me." i explain

"of course i want to be with you." he says

"so jack lied to me?" i ask

"he must of done, that conversation never happened." he says

"i don't know if i can trust you anymore though." i say

"please." he says grabbing my hand, "you know how much i love you."

"but why would jack say that then." i say letting go of his hand

"you think he doesn't want us to be together." phil suggests

"but he doesn't control who i'm with, he wouldn't do that. he's my brother." i say

"he's probably just looking out for you." he says

"are you saying you're a bad guy?"i ask

"no, but if you look at everything that has happened. i don't seem like the perfect one written on paper." phil says

"you are perfect." i say

"i don't think so-." he says before i cut him off by kissing his lips

i pull away and smile.

"i'm so sorry, for everything." he says

"i'm sorry too." i say

"for what?" phil asks

"for doubting our relationship." i say

"you doubted our relationship?" he asks

"you didn't?" i ask

"no, i knew i would apoligise and things would go back to normal." phil says

"oh so you're saying i do whatever you say nowadays?" i say

"no not like that, but that's how all our arguments go." he says

"i can't believe you, we were so close." i say slamming the door

i run back to my bed and put my head into my pillow. that was it. tears fall from my eyes as my head wonders.

i hear about ten knocks on the door before shouting 'go away'.

i roll over and look up at the ceiling, wiping my eyes.

i put my hand on my stomach.

this is what everyone was talking about, it was all clear now. he just never got it, he always made it difficult. everything turned into an argument, and i always forgave him. just like that.

i knew what i wanted, i wanted him. but not like this, it won't work. it's too hard, i can't keep doing this to myself. i'll destroy myself...