𝙢𝙮 𝙗𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙚 - phil foden

61

"everything that has happened the past couple days. but not just that, how i've been feeling. i haven't got myself back yet phil, you don't know how embrassed i was. i didn't want to see anyone. i attacked myself, i kept saying it was my fault until i hated mysefl." i say as more tears come out

"i had no idea, why didn't you tell me?" he asks

"are you kidding? how was i meant to tell you?" i ask

"i am so sorry, trust me. it'll never happen again." he says

"you said that the last time phil..." i say

"i promise, i love you too much to let you go. i'd never forgive myself if i let anything or anyone hurt you." he tells me, "can we just leave that in the past?"

"i don't know.. maybe eventually." i say

"can i get you anything?" phil asks me

"i'm alright." i reply

he walks off round to the other side of the bed and stands beside it, i turn my body to see what he was doing.

"can i?" he asks as i nod

phil gets in my bed and i roll onto my side facing him, he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. he wipes my mascara off from under my eyes with his fingers and looks into my eyes.

"can i have a hug." i say

"you don't have to ask." he says opening his arms up as i rest my head on his chest

phil strokes my back as i breathe into his neck.

"everything will be alright." he tells me now playing with my hair

"thank you." i say

"you know what would make you feel better." he says

"what's that?" i ask

"a kiss from your favorite lad." phil says

"only if i can tell jack that we're both here, i don't want him worrying about me." i say

"i'll take it." he says

i lift my head off his chest and move closer to his face, i lean in and he kisses me back. i close my eyes and don't pull away, he puts his hands behind my neck. 

"better?" he asks

"not really." i say

"damn it, we're gonna have to do it again." phil says making me giggle

he grabs my face and puts his lips on mine, i pull away.

"don't get too excited." i say, "remember that thing you asekd me earlier."

"i asked you a lot of things." i say

"the one about if you could get me anything, well i do. please can you get my phone from downstairs?" i ask

"i ain't your slave miss grealish." phil says

"i'll come sleep in your bed tonight." i say

"nahhh that's not fair." he says, "cause now i have to get it."

"well go on then." i say as he leaves the room

i guess this was my way of punishing him.

i sit up in the bed resting my back on the headboard, i look directly across at the mirrored wardrobes.

i look at myself, i looked horrible. makeup everywhere, scruffy hair, messy clothes. why would he want to kiss this state.

this pregnancy had made my face really swollen, i started playing with my chipmunk cheeks pushing them in to remember what i used to look like. just as i did phil walked in with my phone in his hand. he saw me trying to do stuff to my face.

"what are you doing?" he asks 

"nothing." i reply

"y/n, you're beautiful, no matter if you think you are or not." phil says

"but look at me." i say looking in the mirror again

"i can't stop looking at you." he says

although he made me feel like shit, he really did know how to cheer me up, in a charming way.

he passes me my phone and again i see a load of messages and missed calls from the boys.

i message jack.

*the messages*

jack: y/n tell me you're safe

jack: where are you???

jack: your stuffs gone

jack: come back

jack: you're not with phil are you?

jack: cause he's gone too, but all his stuffs here

me: i'm safe

jack: took you long enough! i've been worried sick, where the hell are you?!

me: phil's..

jack: what the fuck are you doing there

me: it's a really long story, and it will probably just make you even more mad

jack: why didn't you tell me?

me: oh i don't know, why did you tell me phil didn't want to be with me?

jack: for your own sake y/n!

me: what's that meant to mean?

jack: we all agree, phil's changing you into a different person. where's the old y/n gone? the fun one, the one who never cried, the one who i would stay up all night with and we'd talk shit about people from school

me: how dare you

*end of messages*