As Cold As Ice

Nine

Tw: mentions of drugs and drug use.

I was nine when my mother left.

I remember sitting in my house, begging my little brother to stop crying. I knew he was hungry but there was no food in the fridge. We were helpless, so naive and young; we thought she would come back. She never did.

I think 4 days had passed before I finally decided to do something about it. I dressed my little brother who was seven at the time, and we headed towards my school. I don't remember why I chose my school, probably because it was the only place that I knew how to get to.

"Alex, I'm very hungry" Avery said, holding his stomach with an uncomfortable look on his face.
"I'll get you food now, just give me a few minutes" I nodded determinedly while dragging him down the road by his hand.
"Are we going to die, Alex?" Avery asked, very concerned.

Truth be told that I didn't really know. I was nine, and not much older than my brother so I was also wondering what would happen to us. Maybe I even thought we were going to die. The mind of a child is a scary yet beautiful thing.

"No, we'll be okay, Avery" I mumbled, frustrated due to all the questions he was asking. 
"But what about-" Avery spoke before I interrupted.
"Can you just be quiet, please?!" I begged, tired; hungry and aggravated. I watched as his eyes welled up with tears, he hung his head disappointedly.
"I'm sorry Avery, we're almost there ok" I reassured him as I patted his head. I actually thought it was an act of comfort. Avery continued to weep in pain as his stomach growled.

I noticed a grocery shop on our way, I knew what I had to do, even though I didn't want to. I told Avery to distract the shop keeper as I slipped as many sweets into my pockets as possible. I noticed the owner walk back into the store and stare at me. I just acted as if I was looking around for something.

"Can I help you?" He asked, already seeming suspicious. I was skinny, dirty and young; I was starving and he could see that.
"No, I'm okay" I replied quickly, attempting to hide my guilt, but I couldn't. The man could sense I was stealing; unless my full pockets didn't give it away.

"You little shit" He sighed, grabbing me by my neck and throwing me out of the shop. I fell to the ground and just lay there for a moment, disorientated from hitting my head. My eyes welled up with tears from the pounding in my head. I didn't cry though, I knew I had to be strong for Avery. I could see Avery standing with a worried look on his face. He already had tears rolling down his face. He was soft like that.

"Keep the candy you little thieves" he scoffed before walking back into his shop. I placed my palms on the ground and pulled my heavy body back to its feet. Avery covered his mouth in shock from the gash on my temple. My knees also had scrapes and scratches but they didn't bother me as much. I used to climb trees all day, it was my favourite thing to do; so scrapes and bruises were okay.

"I'm okay" I hushed Avery as I held him in my arms.
"Why are people so mean?" He asked with tears rolling down his cheeks.
"I'll never let anyone be mean to you, not like that" I voiced. Even at a young age, he was my only priority.

We found a small wall and sat on it as Avery waited anxiously for me to pull out the food. I pulled a bottle of water from under my shirt and I noticed his face light up. He instantly grabbed it from my hands and opened it, taking gulps at a time. While he did that, I pulled out my cookies. They always made me feel better when Mom did things like this.

Avery and I, for the first time in days, sat happily eating cookies and drinking water on a tiny wall yet our feet still dangled above the floor.

Avery wasn't like me. He didn't have white hair, he had black hair with green eyes. I had white hair with blue eyes. I think he had a different dad, but I was never sure; I just knew he was my little brother and that's all I needed to know.

"Okay, time to go" I smiled at him, receiving a smile in return. We walked for ten minutes until we reached our school.

"Why are we going to Ms.Jane?" Avery questioned confusedly while walking behind me. I could tell his feet hurt because so did mine.
"I don't know. We don't have anyone else" I spoke quietly, slowly letting reality hit me. I was only nine yet I had to face the reality that I didn't have anyone besides my brother.
"Oh" His expression dropped into a sadder one.

After more walking, we had finally reached our school. I had no idea what time it was, or if the school was even open. As we approached the big gates, we saw they had a lock on them.

"Do you know what day it is today?" I asked him with a confused look. Avery shook his head, no. I noticed someone walking by the school, so I ran towards them.
"Sorry, do you know what day it is today?" I said shyly but I knew I had to keep track of the days.
"It's Sunday my dear, you should really go home, it getting late. What happened to your head?" The woman spoke calmly with a soft smile before leaving when she got no response.

I glanced at the floor worriedly. I felt like bursting into tears. We had made the entire trip here, only to wait another day. Not to mention it would take us over an hour to get home, it was too dangerous for Avery when it was dark. Not to mention, his crippling fear of the night. I didn't know what to do, or where to go. All I could do, was wait here until school started the next day; But we needed somewhere to sleep.

As I was lost in my thoughts, I felt a cold drop of rain hit the back of my neck. I gazed at the sky to dark clouds slowly rolling in over the sky. I noticed Avery becoming anxious as they slowly got closer. One by one the droplets began to fall quicker.

Then, an idea popped into my head. My friends and I built a fortress in school where we could hide from teachers and bullies. It was far into the trees. We just had to get through these gates and we would have somewhere to sleep.

"Avery, come on" I urged him as I ran around the school. I remembered that one of my friends would sneak in and out of school this way.
"Climb under here" I said to him but he just stood still.
"Alex, it looks dangerous" He muttered as his eyes welled up with tears.
"Oh come on, don't cry, I'm here and you'll be alright" I said desperately hoping he would agree. I was out of options. Avery wiggled his way through the gate as I did the same. The gap was becoming smaller everytime I went through it.

I walked to the hundreds trees that were behind our school. They refuse to cut them down to keep the environment "clean". It was more fun for my friends and I though so I wasn't complaining.

My friend had brought a tarp from his house so that we could sit in the base whenever it was raining aswell.

I grabbed the outside of the blue tarp and pulled it up so Avery could climb under. I watched Avery gasp with happiness as he saw all our comics laying on the ground.
"This is so cool!" He laughed looking around.

We had stolen cushions, blankets and toys for this base. We had one torch that I stole from the principals office, he never used it so it was fine. Avery and I sat reading comics for what seemed like hours. Avery was slowly becoming more anxious as the darkness surrounded us. I flicked on the torch to see a smile appear on his face. We had one blanket wrapped around the both of us as we read.

"No way, they killed him" He gasped staring at the comic.
"Yeah, they killed the good guy" I nodded, while staring at Avery who was immersed in the story. After awhile, he rested his head on my shoulder. I was about to shrug him off when I noticed that Avery was asleep. I nodded happily, knowing that atleast one of us would get some sleep.