As Cold As Ice

Phases

I always knew Avery would be exposed to drugs eventually.

I didn't know this for years but my mom had started using drugs while she was pregnant on Avery. He was born severally underweight and addicted to heroin. I didn't get to see him for weeks until my mom brought him home one day. She held a tiny baby in her arms, and told me his name was Avery. I remember seeing him and being sceptical of having a new brother; I thought my toys would be taken by him. Which they eventually were.

I only recently found this out when I searched through Josephine's file on Avery. His medical records stated that he was premature and had a previous addiction to heroin while incubated. Now it makes me worry if he'll ever be able to quit this life style.

Avery sat on my bed as I stared out my window, lost in my thoughts for what seemed like years.
"Avery how long have you been taking that shit?" I asked with a mumble. I was almost afraid to ask him aloud.
"I've only used it a few times before, I just did it because they told me you couldn't get addicted" He explained, biting his nails while staring up at me. I guess that was always the issue with him, he was always too gullible.

He seemed fine for now, but it was tomorrow I was worried about. I know he thinks he's not addicted, and he possibly might not be; but it's the idea of him doing this to himself. It's basically self sabotage and he doesn't even realise it.

He is the only reason I am here right now. I won't let him walk this path.

*****

A day had passed and I could slowly see Avery beginning his withdrawal. Slowly but surely I could see the craving on his face. He definitely hadn't used drugs 'a few times' although I already knew this. They were probably using small amounts at least once a day, everyday until they had to buy more. Avery convinced himself he was only using drugs once a week, but that was only when they had to buy the drugs.

He lay on my bed, with his fever dropping and rising continuously. One second the blanket was on the ground and the next it was around his shoulders. It was painful to see him like this but it would all be worth it in the long run.

"Drink some water" I uttered, handing him the glass.
"I don't want water" He refused, turning his head away.
"Avery you're sweating a lot, you're loosing a lot of water now drink!" I demanded as he took the glass from my hand.
"I didn't think this would happen" He mumbled, seeming exhausted.
"I'm going to kill Leonardo" I grumbled as I clenched my jaw angrily.
"Alex, shut the fuck up" Avery groaned as he held his head. I just rolled my eyes at him.

A knock on my door broke me from my thoughts.

"Alex it's Deja" She spoke from behind the door.

"You still see Deja?" He asked confused.
"Yeah, I thought I told you she comes to visit every once in awhile" I nodded, standing up.
"What?, are you two like a couple?" Avery asked with a cheeky grin.
"And even when you're going through a drug withdrawal, you're an even bigger pain in my ass" I sighed before opening the door.
"You didn't say no?" Avery laughed quietly as I had a mischievous smirk on my face.

I think it was obvious to both Deja and I that we had feelings for each other. Neither of us could admit it though so we just stayed friends. It's okay this way I guess. I have to look after Avery and I don't want to burden her with our problems.

"Hey Alex" She smiled, walking into my arms before seeing Avery.
"Avery!" Deja yelled before I covered her mouth with my hand.
"Quiet Deja" I whispered into her ear.
"Josephine doesn't know he's here" I admitted as she ran over to hug Avery who looked awful.

"Wow, you look like shit Avery" Deja spoke with a concerned face.
"And you look as beautiful as always" He smiled as he winked at me.
"Seriously Avery" I rolled my eyes as I sat on the bed next to Deja.

"I can stay tonight, Josephine allowed it for once finally" She nodded, resting her head against the wall.
"Am I interrupting something or?" Avery joked as I attempted to murder him.
"Alex, relax" Deja laughed while ruffling Avery's hair.
"Why does everyone do that to me?" He spoke frustratedly as he fixed his messy hair. Deja smiled innocently while I just shook my head.

"So much time had passed and yet nothing feels different" Deja admitted, glancing at me.

"Well actually, Avery is on a drug detox right now" I spat while glaring at him.
"Avery!" Deja gasped before playfully punching him in the arm.
"God, I already know that I'm stupid, leave me alone" he defended himself, shaking his head.

"You're an idiot" Deja laughed at Avery, while Avery smiled innocently.
"God I hate both of you!" He sighed, lying back down.
"I know" Deja spoke happily with grin.

It was getting late. Avery, Deja and I stayed inside my room as we watched a movie. Avery's fever kept rising and dropping, I wasn't really sure what to do. I just knew he had to push through.

"Alex! I need to take some" Avery hissed, holding his aching body.
"I don't have anything to give you" I responded, although I was sympathetic to what he was going through.
"Alex please" he begged as he pulled his hair, with a uncomfortable expression on his face.

"We'll have to get him something to ease him off, he can't go off them completely just yet, look at him" Deja spoke, seeming worried for him. It was only then that I saw my brother helpless for the first time. I couldn't do anything to stop this, he would have to go through this process slowly over the next few days. He had sweat resting on his forehead and dripping from his hair. His face was as pale as a ghost, and his eyes were dark and heavy, as if he wanted to sleep but couldn't. His body was shaking while he was curled up into a ball. I could see he was struggling; and he reminded me of someone, our mom.

"He has to go through it" I reassured Deja as she nodded in return.
"Please Alex" Avery began to sob, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm in so much pain".
Those words were crushing but I knew I had to let him go through the process. Avery grabbed my wrist.
"Please Alex, please. I won't fight with you anymore! I'll be a good brother. Please, I just need a little to stop the pain" he begged again, and I couldn't bare to look him in the eye. I knew if I saw him cry, I would cave. This was the best choice.

I kept my eyes shut for what seemed like minutes as Avery sobbed and Deja rubbed his back to try soothe him.
"I think I need a bucket" He mumbled, half asleep from being exhausted.

I climbed off the bed and grabbed a bucket from the bathroom. I lay it next to my bed. I still couldn't look at him, I just couldn't.

We all sat silently as the movie played but none of us were really watching the movie. All I could hear was Avery's sobs between his continuous puking. I wanted to murder not only Leonardo but also my mother. I wanted to wrap my hands around her throat and watch the life fade from her eyes. I would do anything for Avery; or Deja. They're my people and I'm supposed to protect my people.

Roughly three hours had passed and it was now midnight.

I was still resting against the wall, unable to sleep due to being haunted by Avery's cries. Although he was now asleep, with his hands over his eyes. He said he had a migraine and any time he saw light, his head began to hurt again. Deja was asleep, resting her head on my shoulder. I was never really sure of what Deja and I were. I know we're more than friends but it's complicated right now.

"He's still asleep" She whispered, almost sounding relieved.
"For now" I responded, staring out my window.
"You're a good brother Alex, I know that must've been hard to watch" She voiced quietly, attempting not to wake Avery. I nodded but stayed silent. Deja's hand slowly grabbed mine for reassurance but we found that we were unable to let go. Not because we couldn't but because we didn't want to.

I slowly drifted to sleep not long after.