As Cold As Ice

Influence

I was now sixteen.

I saw Avery every few months. He was thirteen, turning fourteen soon, and a lot more defiant now. He had changed a lot since he left.

I pulled my black leather jacket over my shoulders as I stood in my room. I grabbed Avery's birthday card before running out of the house. I was already late, I didn't want to miss his birthday.

I had gotten a job in a restaurant, cleaning dishes and serving customers. It wasn't great money but it was honest work. If I save up most of the money I make within a year I'll be able to rent my own home.

I still lived in the foster home; there wasn't many kids my age, mainly because they all get chosen before they have the chance to reach sixteen. I got chosen, time and time again, but I never stayed. I never really belonged in a family, atleast not with people I barely knew.

I pulled my hood up and placed my headphones over it, hoping to silence my thoughts for a couple of minutes. It never worked but music was still nice to hear. I walked with my head down as it rained heavily. It was so cold outside; I didn't have a coat. I never saved up money to buy one, instead, I bought Avery his birthday present and a card.

I had saved up months to buy him the newest gaming console; it was a lot of money but it was worth it. I can't wait to see the look on his face; he'll be shocked. Truth be told, I haven't seen my brother in weeks and that's usually how it is now. His foster parents complained that any time I would visit, Avery would get into some sort of trouble after I left. I think he was screaming for my attention, hoping I'd stay with him so that he'd behave but I never did. His foster parents wouldn't allow it.

Instead, they pulled me aside one day after I finished visiting Avery and told me I could only visit once a month for a day at most. Safe to say I was heartbroken but they had custody of him and I was just.....me. Once I turned eighteen, I would attempt to gain custody of my brother but until then this is the way things are.

I walked up to the door, wondering how this would play out. I knocked on the door, and waited for Eve to open it. She did but she didn't look impressed to see me.

"Alex, right now isn't a very good time" She uttered with a scowl, before glancing at my presents.
"That's my brother! You can't stop me from seeing him" I argued, ready to put up a fight.
"Alex, I'm not doing this today, go away, I'll give your presents to him" Eve sighed, taking the gift from my arms.
"But....." was all I could say before she slammed the door in my face.

I walked to the end of the driveway and smiled evilly as I waited for my brother. I lit up a smoke and held it to my lips. I could hear Avery screaming from inside the house. I heard Avery swing the door open, while still yelling at Carl and Eve.

"He's my fucking brother, he's my blood and he's more family than you guys will ever be" Avery roared across the garden, I'm assuming at Eve and Carl. His voice had deepened a lot since the last time I had saw him.
"Don't come back here Avery, we're done with your problems" Carl growled, before slamming the door behind him.

Avery smiled as he saw me leaning against the wall.
"I got your card" he grinned happily, showing me the message I wrote.

If I'm not here, it's because they didn't let me in. I'll be outside. ~ Alex

"I'm a bit of a mastermind if you ask me" I grinned cheekily.
"That's a bold statement" Avery replied, taking the cigarette from my hand and pressing it against his lips.
"I told you to stop smoking" I grumbled with a scowl.
"I told you to stop smoking and look at where we are now" He replied, releasing the smoke through his nose.

"Are you still hanging out with those dipshits" I asked curiously, glancing over at Avery who glared at me.
"They're not dipshits, they're my friends, don't be jealous just because you don't have any" He responded harshly but I just replied with a shrug.
"It's sad that you need their approval, you've fallen into the trap of society's approval, congratulations" I replied, finishing the cigarette.

"You follow society" Avery stated calmly, leaning against the wall, next to me.
"I have fucking white hair, I've never followed society's standards" I grumbled angrily.

"And I don't have a mom or a dad so neither do I" Avery rolled his eyes in annoyance before shoving me slightly.
"You're fucking this up A" I muttered quietly, not wanting to confront him but I knew I had to.
"What are you even talking about?" Avery asked confusedly, staring at me with a defensive glare.
"They're loosing their patience with you, eventually they'll end up putting you back in the foster home" I admitted, closing my eyes from being exhausted.

"I don't want to live with them, I never have and you knew that" Avery uttered quietly, staring off into the distance.
"I'm just warning you" I sighed, running my hands through my hair.
"I don't know why you care so much, you're never here anyway" He grumbled, refusing to make eye contact.
"That's not fair, you know I try to be" I spoke irritatedly. I think he had hit a nerve.
"Don't start with that bullshit, you're never here anymore. You just don't try anymore" He uttered angrily, his eyes welling with tears.

I just shook my head and dropped my gifts.
"I don't try" I scoffed, walking away.
"You're going to leave me here, on my birthday?" Avery shouted, with tears rolling down his cheeks. I turned around and stared at him.

"I worked my ass off to get you that present and you say I don't try. I'm working my ass off to buy an apartment so that I can legally adopt you and I don't try?" I yelled frustratedly.
"I don't care if it's your birthday Avery, go hang out with your friends since I'm never here" I grumbled, walking away.

"Alex!" He shouted frustratedly. I didn't even glance back, I just walked forward.
"You're not my dad so stop acting like it, I don't need you, I never have!" He roared as I walked down the road.
I didn't respond again, instead I stormed down the road. I hated when we argued but sometimes he was so ignorant of all that I've done for him; All that I've sacrificed for him. I never sacrificed those things to throw them back in his face, he's just infuriating sometimes.

I sat on a bench, in a park. I stared at the clouds as I wondered what my life would look like from this moment onwards.

I sat on that bench for hours, just watching people passing by, scrolling on my phone, and day dreaming about being anywhere else. I hated being in the foster home, it just reminded me of how lonely I was. Except for when Deja was home, of course. 

Deja comes and goes often, her foster family wanted to see how she would adjust into the family before fostering her so she leaves every couple of days. I don't have any other friends, I chose to stay away from people in the foster home because I knew eventually they'd all leave.

About an hour had passed and I noticed a group of kids walking across the field. I noticed my brother immediately, how could I not?. I saw him glance over at me before shouting something at his friends. They quickly shoved something in Avery's bag as they walked across the field, their pace faster than before. I just knew they were doing something they shouldn't of; they weren't that good at hiding it either. I knew the boys he hung around with were older, around 15, 16 and I also knew they'd be a bad influence on him.