Sanders Sides AU August

The Lies You Don't Speak

AU: Soulmate AU

TW: Repression, Loss, discussion of "the split"

WC: 3982

Date: 8/26/21

Everywhere Logan looked he saw the after-effects of love; the blanket Patton had made for Roman was sitting on the couch, lightly draped over the side; the strangely shaped mug that Remus had made for Janus was left on the table after Remus had chased his soulmate off to bed. Every inch of the mindscape was covered in reminders of love, and Logan was happy for his friends. He truly was. He was thankful that they had found their soulmates and accepted them into their lives, but it sent a deep longing through his heart.

He began to straighten up the common room, feeling the itch of his soul words under his long sleeve shirt. The others thought he didn't have a "soul sentence", they made a lot of assumptions about him, and honestly, Logan preferred that to them finding out the truth. He had never outright lied about his soul words, but he had certainly gotten better at twisting his words, a necessary precaution now that deceit was around.

None of them knew that Logan had been the first one to find his soulmate. He had been the first to realize the significance of the words imprinted on his arm, and for a few short years, it had been as close to perfection as possible. His fingers traced the fabric of threads of the blanket as he slid it into the basket.

The others never knew, but Logan remembered it all vividly. He fought the melancholy that soaked through his bones, wondering what kind of gifts and presents his own soulmate would have given him, wondering what their life together would have been like, wondering how it would have felt to snuggle together under a blanket as they talked about the world's many mysteries.

Creativity had thought a secret relationship was more fun, more taboo. They had both been too young to understand how easily things could come crashing down. They had been innocent, and it had been wonderful while it lasted. No one knew about the stolen forehead kisses, the nighttime trips to Creativity's castle, the long conversations falling asleep in each other's arms. No one knew about the memories Logan held most dear.

Which meant no one knew how deep Logan's affection ran, and when the split happened, Logan was left to mourn alone.

There were remnants of their relationship everywhere, Logan's careful planning and design mixed with Creativity's spark and flare, the mindscape was their creation, the lost city in the imagination was their vision of a future. The castle on the far reach had been their home.

Logan couldn't bear it now.

He avoided the imagination. It was impossible to look at without remembering him. There was a small part of Logan that wanted to tell everyone, wanted to claim the lost city in the imagination, wanted to claim the abandoned castle, because it was partially his.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't reveal the last secret he had with Creativity. Telling the others made it all feel too real. Telling the others would make the hurt so much more real.

After Logan put away the mug, making sure it was cleaned and carefully shelved, he started a pot of coffee. None of the others would be up yet, at least not for a few more minutes. Virgil was occasionally awake at this time, but he rarely came out of his room. In the past, Remus might have come to disturb his peace, being intrusive thoughts his sleep schedule was all over the place, but now that he and Janus were dating, that had changed. Logan hypothesized the half-snake side needed someone to snuggle with him in order to sleep well, though he doubted he would be able to test that theory or ask, and get a proper answer. It was not his relationship, and not his place to pry.