Sanders Sides AU August

Anger's Light

AU: Close to Canon

TW: Anger

WC: 1398

Date: 8/31/2021

Logan sank out slowly, closing his eyes as he felt the warmth of his room wash over him. He took in a slow, steadying breath. Today had not turned out as he had hoped. Thomas had finally been open to the idea of a new schedule, of getting his life in order or listening to Logan, but things never worked out the way he wanted them to. He should have known better. Maybe he had been overzealous with his plan. He knew asking Thomas to do so much was a hefty task, but Thomas deserved a clean space.

Thomas deserved a space that didn't leave him feeling overwhelmed. Thomas deserved good food that made him fulfilled, and Thomas deserved a well-organized life that helped him feel focused. Everything Logan wanted to do and wanted to plan was for his host's benefit.

So why did no one listen?

"They really are deaf to you aren't they?" The voice echoed through Logan's room and he felt himself grow stiff. Anger filled him, his hand tightening into a ball. He didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to feel anything, it was so much easier.

"Stop fighting it, Logan." His voice was soft and cloying, almost like a warm blanket that was begging him to rest. "Let me open the flood gates. I'll make sure you are listened to."

Logan choked, feeling two tears sliding down his face.

No one listened.

No one ever listened.

"Okay," his voice came out as barely a whisper before his eyes flashed orange. The anger filled up, pulling to the surface every little detail he had pushed into the back of his heart. His body was moving on its own, like a puppet pulled by strings as he slammed his way to the common area.

They weren't there, of course, they weren't. Everything was so strained between all of them, but Logan didn't care. The only one in the common area was Janus, and where Logan would normally hold back the pain that seeing Janus brought, his mouth opened before he could stop himself.

"How dare you?"

"What?"

"How dare you silence me, after the play, in the courtroom? You know the importance of Logic, and yet you took away my voice." He growled a deep and guttural growl, not even noticing the orange threads around him. He didn't care, the flood gate had been opened. "Did you think that you could just push me aside and I would accept it? Maybe I would have, maybe I would have accepted your transgression but you did it again, and again."

"Logan, what's all this yelling about?"

He swiveled to face Patton who was making his way down the stairs. "And you, every time I try to work with you when I try to find compromises you steamroll over my thoughts and ideas. I was willing to come up with solutions that we could both agree on, helping the dogs find homes though we couldn't take them in, finding new storage options to keep all of your beloved mementos, but what did you do? You immediately went back on our discussion, pushing your agenda of what you wanted rather than what was feasible."

"That was over a year ago."

"Fine, you want something more recent? YOU SKIPPED ME! I knew that my helpful information wasn't accepted in the way that it was normally presented, so I tried to find another way to give you relevant information and what did you do? You skipped all of it. I knew you never listened to me, but do you know how damaging it was to watch as you let me be replaced? Is that what you want? Do you want Thomas' Logic to be replaced? Maybe then all of you would be happy."

He was going too far. He knew he was, but he couldn't stop himself. Years of repressed anger, the feelings of hurt, pain, and abandonment had built up.

"Tell me, oh fearless leader, separator of the good from the bad. Do I no longer fit into the mold of your perfect family? Should I just toss myself to the side before you get the chance?"

Patton let out a strangled sob. Everyone else had come down at this point, Virgil's hand reached out hesitantly to comfort Patton but then he pulled back.

"Lo, that's enough."

"Enough? Enough? Do you mean like how after your acceptance I attempted to stand up for you but was met with hostility? How I attempted to fix the mistakes that I made but my input is only listened to when we are in crisis? Well guess what, this is a crisis now. I will no longer compromise. I will no longer be the butt of your jokes."

Tears were streaming down his face and Logan wasn't sure if it was from the pain of everything, he was facing coming out all at once, or if it was from Rage's influence.

"I think that's enough Rage." Remus cackled, dropping from the ceiling, a bunch of slithering tentacles sliding into his back.

"I think the little nerd is going to break if you keep the gate open for too much longer."

Logan felt the string snap and realized the anger was the only thing keeping him standing. With the anger gone he was left with all of the other emotions, the pain, the sadness, the frustration. He curled in on himself, unable to breathe. He wanted to sink out but a hand stopped him.

"Nope, time to face the funeral music specs," Remus said as he pulled Logan up to the couch. Then there was a blur of yellow and black in front of him, asking him simple questions, grounding questions. It helped him regain his breath.

"Apologies for the outburst."

There was a dark chuckle from across the room. "No, I think that was very much needed, Professor Eggbert."

Rage stood off to the side, "though, I'm a bit surprised at how hard that all came out. I was expecting a bit, not for you to chew out everyone here."

Roman didn't want to point out that Logan hadn't chewed him out, but he knew it was only because the logical side hadn't been given a chance. He was well aware that they had had plenty of misunderstandings.

"I am trying to be better, I am trying to learn. What can I do to be enough?"

The silence around the room was palpable.

Janus was the first one to break it. "My intention was never to cause you this pain. I might have been a bit over--dramatic in my first appearance, but in the courtroom, I knew you were the only one I wouldn't need to convince and when I did involve you, you were against me. I got scared. I'm sorry that I hurt you." He put a hand on Logan's getting a soft hiccup.

Remus knelt down next. "Look Entrapta, I'm not your enemy. I'm just trying to help... in my own way." Remus nuzzled against Logan's leg. "I know I've been bad, you can punish me if you want."

Logan rolled his eyes, but there was a slight smile on his face.

Virgil plopped on the couch next. "Sorry specs. I get so caught up in my own shit sometimes."

"You and I rarely see eye to eye, but we both want what's best for Thomas," Roman said, sitting down on Logan's opposite side. "Maybe I do need to be a little more open to your plans."

Patton stared at the little group, his hands covering his mouth. He wasn't even sure what to say, until he slowly sat in front of Logan, just a bit further from the dark sides who were protecting him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I have been so focused on Thomas's emotions that I haven't been listening to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. Logan, I'm so sorry. You know you are important right?"

The tears began to fall again as Logan nodded slowly. "Thank you," He didn't want to cry again, but the tears were already coming, and he felt the others hug him tightly. The dam broke and he began to cry even hard, curling into the warmth.

Rage smirked, still standing off to the side. Anger, when used the right way, could shine a light on a lot of things.