Returning Red

#7: Sen & Sin.

eventually, everything will finally make sense

Isabella

I forestalled her gaze again. This was an attack and I don't know what she was getting into. But I chose not to react again. I'm slowly learning that even if I react, it won't change anything, it won't magically change their minds. Sometimes It's better to just let things be, not fight for closure, not ask or provide explanations, and definitely not chase answers. I'm slowly learning that life is better lived when you don't center it on what's happening around you but rather center it on what's happening inside you.

"What happened?" She said not taking her eyes off me even for a second.

I shrugged, still not meeting her eyes. I couldn't. The moment I do, I will have to let everything in. If I hurt more than this, I'll lose every ounce of strength I've built up in all these years.

"N-Nothing, I'm home after a l-long time. It's probably the flight--"

"Eight years ago, what happened?" She rephrased her question.

My eyes froze on watching my door. All my senses suddenly became aware of everything around me. She was doing this intentionally and my heartbeat was drumming as if it traveled all the way to my ears and decided to rest there and watch the show. My eyes were afraid to look away. My nose tried to pace every breath I took so I wouldn't end up panicking. My tongue dried up in my mouth as if the rainforest had suddenly become a desert, giving competition to Sahara. My skin turned cold. My mind turned into a shield, ready to defend whatever was approaching its way.

"Why did you leave?" She spoke softly. "Was that exit really needed?" I exhaled mentally pleading with her to stop what she was approaching. "This is not you, Bella,"

There it is. The set of words capable to set my blood on fire.

She doesn't know, calm down. Her reaction is justified.

I wasn't going to react and give anyone the satisfaction of breaking my walls and getting to my head. This vacation was just for a few days. Once this ends, I have to go back and I can't do it all over again. There's so much left to do, and I am so close to achieving it perfectly, I can't become weak again and mess it up. I cannot start from scratch again. Not this time.

"People change when situations change, May. Eight years ago, life was very different from the present. Everything has changed. Everyone has changed. That's how life works." I decided not to meet her gaze until she was done besieging.

"Really?" She chuckled softly, "Okay, how's the change treating you? Good? Enjoying yourself? Had fun for the last eight years? Was the decision worth the change?"

I closed my eyes, trying to put on a stronger shield. I decided to concentrate on my breathing. Counting how many seconds I was breathing in, how many seconds I could hold my breath, and how many seconds I took to exhale it all out. My hands continued to profusely sweat. I was being antsy as I chafed my fingers with each other, trying to stop the sweltering.

Her hands suddenly placed themselves on my hands and my eyes shot open, looking at how she held my hand. I gulped, seeing how heavy my chest was heaving. My acts to make the panicking subtle were too overt now.

She began smoothening her fingers on my palms. "Are you okay? Why didn't you reach out? When you realized that it was the wrong decision, why did you stick to that, Bella? Why didn't you just come home? Why didn't you even call once?"

I pulled my hands from her clasp and used them to remove all the hair from my face, which was nothing. My hair was perfectly secured in a high pony but I had to get my hands out of her clasp before she lured me inside herself. "I'm okay, I really am."