Returning Red

session 05/06

NEW YORK — 4 years ago

session 05/06

"Hey," I gleamed as I walked into Katherine's therapy room. She chose her house for my fifth session and I didn't bother questioning it. 

"Helloo," she sang as she organized her notepads, sparing me a glance.

I walked up to the couch like I did in my first session and sat against her. I kept my sling bag beside me and I held my knees, waiting for her to settle down and ask me her mandatory question. She was wearing formal grey pants that reached high on her ankle with a black top that covered her arms. Her hair was tied into a small ponytail behind her head. Her hands had an engagement ring on one finger and a white watch on the other wrist. She wore black stilettos and she smiled, as elegantly as ever. 

"How was your week?" She sighed, bringing her dark green eyes to mine, her smile still staying flawless. It was already 5 pm and still, Dr. Katherine Carlyle looked as charged up as ever. 

I took a deep breath. "Adventurous, unstable, and I mostly witnessed a lot of emotions this week." 

"Oh," she frowned, sitting deeper in her chair. "That's an odd set of words. What's up?" 

"Well," I smoothed out my jeans and hugged my knees again. "Two days ago, my grandmother came back from California. I spent a good amount of time, telling her what I did in therapy and we spoke till late at night. She even cooked pasta for me at 1 am and we had the best time. And in the morning," my eyes teared up. "She did not wake up." I bite my lip but I let out a soft smile.

"Oh Jesus, Bella, I am so sorry." Katherine sighed keeping her fingers on her lips, slightly shocked. "Do you want to reschedule this? Because I can fix you up--"

"No," I instantly told her. "I'm alright." 

"Are you sure?" She asked again, looking concerned. 

I sighed, smiling a little more. "Yeah, I'm alright. My parents are living with me. They flew down the day before yesterday and my sister's here too. Tomorrow's the funeral and I still have to write a eulogy but I really need this now and--"

"--Bella," she cut me off again. "Are you okay?" 

I nod, smiling and surprised that I genuinely was okay. "Yes, I am. I have been waiting for this session for the past week. This is my fifth session, remember? I just have one more left. I want to make complete use of this." She shook her head, telling me that I haven't answered her question yet. "I really am, Katherine. Yes, the shock was a little hard to process. I had to skip work because I thought she was ill or jet-lagged and then when I couldn't find her pulse, I panicked and I called 911." 

"Did you by any chance take the--"

"No," I beamed, shaking my head proudly. "I did not take a single pill. In fact, the thought of the pills never came to my head. Even in the ambulance, even in the hospital, even when the doctor told me she was no more, I cried, yes, but I did not think of taking the pills. I am extremely proud of myself." 

Katherine smiled now. She scoffed a small laugh as she watched me narrate this to her but the smile never ceased on her face. 

"Is your family is staying with you now?" She had caught onto every word that I had uttered. 

"Yes, since the last two days." I nodded. 

"How is that?" She calmly asked me. "Is there any difference?" 

I thought about it. If something has actually changed or if I'd noticed some turbulence in the air between us. 

"Uh," I shook my head. "I have never been much of a communicator with my parents. We always kept it short on the talks. I was very close to my sister, but due to some incidents, I haven't been that close to her either. So it was pretty much how life with them was earlier. Quiet, and crisp and we were mourning now, so that was justification enough for the silence."