Returning Red

#19: Off The Deep End.

you never even told me why

Austin

I've heard people say that the silence that comes after the storm is usually peaceful. But the silence in the room after this storm brought everything opposite of peace. This silence was deadly. Violent. Noxious. Because it's left us dumbfounded. Or rather, we have nothing left to say. 

I see this woman sleeping on my shoulder and I struggle to recognize who she is. Apart from her name, I don't descry any other collation with her old self. Her face is drained of color. Even the blackness of her eye shadow is washed away with tears. Her skin is pale, scarred, and tarnished. There is no life in her skin. Her skin is merely existing. I despise her black hair more than Jacob Miles. It seems like the source that absorbed all the life out of her dynamism. 

I don't count the minutes that we spend, silently letting every event from the last two hours reiterate like a loop. We take timely glances at her serene face but it only brings back the flashes of the violence, the yelling, the crying, and the sight of her shaking as she struggled to breathe. 

Jason was the first to break the stillness in the room. He moved up to me with his hands preparing to lift her off my arms. My neck released a spasm when he took her in his arms. I was about to let go but her hands were tightly gripping the collar of my shirt. I didn't have the heart to pull it off her grip. Liam had to step in to help her release my shirt. 

The second she was placed on the bed, she curled to her side, almost hugging herself. Did she sleep like this for eight years? My eyes sting with tears when I see May wrap the quilt on her until her neck and caress her hair. 

I see Julie stand up from the peripheral vision of my eyes. "It's better I make a move now," Julie says taking steps away from the bed. "She looks calm. I think she got it all out." 

Jason held his hand out to her as she took it. He shook her hands for a moment before letting her go. "Thank you for agreeing to help us out--"

"Hey," she cut him off shrugging, "It's Bella. If anything, I owed it to her. And you guys are not the only ones who want her back," Julie punched Jason's arm and he let out a sad smile. "I know she's going to hate me for a long time. But all we have in life is time, so I think we'll be okay." 

She gives me a squeeze on my shoulders before waving at May and Liam. Jason walks her to the door before locking it shut. 

"It's bad, Austin," Liam shook his head at me. He was packing my guitar back in its bag. "It's the ugly kind of bad this time." 

"You think the separation is what triggered it again?" May asked loudly.

Our breathing was silent and our words were barely a whisper. We didn't want to wake her up. But at the same time, we didn't want to overlook what just happened. None of us were comfortable discussing this in front of Julie and I admire the collective decision we took without planning it. Julie had grown close to the group but she could never completely be a part of it. 

Neither could anyone leave the bin nor could anyone join it. It was an unsaid rule. 

We agreed we'd push her off the edge together because no matter how many times I tried to do it on my own, it just looked like the things I said were affecting me more than they affecting her. My words hardly had an effect on her. Her walls were too thick this time. She wasn't letting anything in. 

Planning a situation where we can corner her like this was more difficult to stage rather than execute. We intended for this reaction. We wanted her to let it all out. We wanted her to feel something. Anything. But the only shocker was we never expected such a huge backlash.