My poetry

Why feel numb

Why feel numb when you could feel pain,
when hardcore crying's all the same?
Why feel nothing when you could be in agony,
when your life is already a meaningless tragedy?

I want to feel something, something that is more,
more than me just blankly staring at the floor.
Staring for hours and hours on end,
and before I know it it's next weekend.

Oh why can't I just be normal,
why can't people just have some morals?
Why do people have to push me down,
off of a bridge and than hope that i'll drown?

Why can't people just leave me be,
why do they have to do these awful things just to me?
It's a twisted life we are forced to live,
when day after day we just want to jump off a cliff.

If I didn't feel so numb, than maybe i'd be able to feel alone,
maybe if I wasn't so dumb, maybe than i'd have a mind that was my own,
un-used, un-abused, un-infused with their lies,
maybe i'd be able to cry, know what it feels like to wipe my eyes.

But when you're numb, you don't feel the pain-
well, yes you do, it just feels like you're unaffected,
disconnected..
You feel nothing at all, except for insane.

And feeling numb is all that remains,
though I still wanna put a bullet through my brain,
and when I cry I just don't care,
as I just sit and stare.

Just stare and think as the tears roll down my cheeks,
being afraid to speak,
monotone voice,
though not by choice,
I feel the pain though that's okay,
because all my life i've been taught to obey.

...Why feel numb?
When I could feel pain.
When my nerves could shock and startle my brain?

Why feel nothing, when I could feel something?
Oh how I love the gasping and grunting,
when I run the knife across my forearms,
when I just wish that I was gone.

Still, no matter how much pain I inflict on myself,
my feelings are still placed on the highest of shelves,
collecting dust while I curse myself.

How do you truly feel something?
..Not something bad, but good.
Maybe instead of trying to feel pain, i'll try to feel something I could?

Why feel numb..when I could smile?
When I could make this meaningless life worth my while?

Why ignore friends who just try to help,
when I could build relationships that will help myself?

Has it just been me all along?
Have I been doing this to myself?
Was everything that I thought was my life was wrong,
and can I take my feelings off of the shelf?

But oh, it's the highest shelf to reach,
so high I can't even see-
but if I get a ladder, and build myself up
piece by piece-
than yes, I can get better.