Pretending to be Pregnant

Eighteen

As I wandered through the corridors of my school, a year later, I realised that nothing could ever heal the heart. When the heart was broken, it was shattered. Splintered and split into the tiniest pieces. Nothing or nobody could repair those fragmented pieces. You can always glue the heart back together with a substitute, but never would it be the same. The only person that could heal the heart was the one who broke it in the first place and for me, I knew that Luke would never do that.

So you're probably sitting there wondering what happened after that dreadful day in the hospital. Let me fill you in.

After realising that I could no longer lie, I told my parents the truth as they came to pick me up from the hospital. Turns out I was ill with stress and the only cure was the truth. My parents were fairly understanding, probably because I'd finally shifted Ryan whom they'd never been keen on. The wedding was called off and Ryan eventually made the move back to Australia.

Diana? Well, I never talked to her ever again. Maybe it's because she moved; rumours were circulating that she was pregnant and had gone to live with Ryan in Australia or maybe it's because we'd grown apart. We were never going to be friends again. Maybe one day we'll bump into each other, her pushing a pram and wearing my heavy engagement ring on her finger and maybe we'll talk, but for now we've accepted that our broken friendship can never be repaired.

I returned to school a couple of weeks later, my absence being declared as mental illness. Everybody knew about what had happened and I'd expected to be outcast from the school society, just as I had before, but everybody welcomed me back with warm, gracious smiles and accepted me for who I am. Occasionally I'm questioned about my fake pregnancy, but strangely, I now find it funny. I cannot still believe how ridiculous I was and now actually accept that maybe deep down I was insane. I was made head girl in my final year of school and although some people were nervous about transferring a great amount of responsibility onto my fragile shoulders, it was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

Boys? A few special guys have come and gone, yet I've never been able to shake my love for Luke. I'm just hoping that eventually I'll forget about him. But every time I date somebody else I manage to detect every single flaw they have and I almost always end up comparing them to Luke, consequently ditching them and blaming myself.

I've not heard from Luke since that day at the hospital. I've called him a few times, but almost always hung up, scared of what he might say. I know he still thinks about me, my father always tells me about how Luke asks about me when he comes in to strike a business deal. Yet now I know he's travelling the world, looking to expand his already enormous business empire. Occasionally I pick up a newspaper and read an article containing his name. Once I even saw his photo, he had his arm around a skinny blond girl with long legs and massive designer glasses, but neither of them seemed particularly interested in each other. Do I still hope that we'll be together? I used to. But after talking about it with my councillor, I know that it will never happen. We've both moved on, got on with our lives and the love I felt for him, might no longer there. I was mentally ill and now I've got to accept that some thoughts and some feelings were the result of my insanity. But deep down, I know that my love for Luke was never one of them. I will always love him.

I think that's about it. I don't really have much more to tell you.

"Esme!" Rita's voice shouted down the corridor. She came running towards me, her bag swinging from her shoulder. "Are you coming to the school dance tonight?" I frowned, slightly confused. Then the realisation hit, of course, the dance!

"I don't know, I don't have a date."

"But you have a dress! And you look amazing, you can't not come. Going single is always better than going with someone. Come on, you haven't been out with your friends since, well since, all the pregnancy stuff! You have to come out!" She was right, I'd been working hard to get the grades I needed to go to university, I needed to let my hair down. "Plus, I've not got a date and neither have the girls, we're going as a big group. We can have pre-drinks! And you're head girl, you organised this, you have to attend and have a dance with the head boy. Come on, it's tradition. You can't break tradition!" Rita was now trying persuade me with the prospect of alcohol and having turned eighteen just a couple of months ago, she thought it would convince me. But it was actually the thought of having fun that did.

"Fine I'll go." I told her. "I'm going to get ready at my house though. Do you all want to come and get ready at mine? My parents will be in, but we can use my room." Rita smiled.

"I was hoping you'd ask. I'll go and let the girls know, see you at around five?"

"Sure." I laughed as she skipped down the corridor in search of our other friends, some old; Mia, Ruth, Gwen and Emma and some new. We'd formed a new group and had somehow formed a strong friendship between all of us.

I made my way out to my car and drove home, wanting to be home and showered before everybody else turned at my house.

"Hi mum and dad! I'm home!" I ran into the kitchen and gave each of them a hug. "The girls are coming over to get ready for the dance, is that okay?" They looked at each other and simultaneously nodded, sharing a perfect smile.

"Thanks."

"Have fun at the dance!" I couldn't help noticing that there was a mysterious tone to my mother's voice as I ascended the stairs. It was almost like, well, like she knew something I didn't.

I was showered and had already applied my make up when the girls arrived.

"Wow you look amazing!" Emma laughed as I stood there with my hair curling as it dried and my make up done glamourously, whilst still wearing my dressing gown. Everybody laughed and I put on my make up, continuing to get ready. As I teased my curls and silently braided my hair it in a complex braid on my head, we listened to music and chattered away.

"Do you still wish you had Luke?" Rita asked me as we talked about the guys we wanted to pull tonight. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at the ground.

"I don't think I'll ever love anybody as much as I love him." I whispered. Everyone in my room fell silent and dazed, I looked at them all. "I just I know that I love him more than anybody or anything. I really wish I hadn't messed everything up. That I'd just dumped Ryan rather than inventing the whole pregnancy because I know that eventually I would have found Luke. If you love somebody that much, it's only fate that you'll meet them." I smiled at the girls and wandered towards my walk in wardrobe. "Come on it's nearly time to get going, we need to put on our dresses!" I giggled.

My dress was beautiful. It was made from a floaty chiffon material which reached just below my knee, offering modesty and leaving a lot to the imagination. It was a pale pink colour and swished when I walked. The shoes had a six inch heel and were sparkly, adding a bit of glamour to my outfit.

"You look beautiful!" My dad choked as I wandered down the stairs to show them my outfit.

"Thank you." I whispered and hugged him. "Have a good time darling, I know that it'll be the best night of your life." Thinking this was a weird thing to say, I left the kitchen and approached the girls who all looked stunning, each of their outfits reflecting their personalities.

"Shall we get going?"  They each nodded and we left, piling into the two cars waiting for us, both belonging to Rita's parents, who were driving.

Before long we were there, happy couples were approaching the hall, their hands linked, but to my surprise the majority of the school had come to the dance in groups, rather than a couple.

"You look amazing." The head boy, Michael, told me as I entered. He didn't scrub up to bad himself in a smart shirt and smart trousers. I'd never thought of Michael as much of a looker, but over the past year he'd grown into his looks and now even sported a great muscly torso. Maybe dancing with the head boy wasn't going to be so bad.

"Thanks. See you later then!" I left him, searching for Rita in on the crowded dance floor and that's when I spotted him, leaning against the wall casually, his eyes searching for something, before they locked with mine.

My heart started banging and feeling like it was going to explode from my chest, I remained rooted to the spot. Anger, happiness and sadness submerging me all at once.