Pretending to be Pregnant

Sixteen

"Esme are you okay?" Mrs Grenner kindly asked and her reasons were understandable. Uncontrollable shaking was encompassing my seized body whilst sweat profoundly dripped from my clammy forehead. My vision was blurred and my eyes only just holding back a flood of tears.

"I'm fine Miss." I replied, wiping my eyes and making a point of continuing with the English essay which was in front of me.

"Esme are you certain? You do look a bit pale." Ryan asked, his hand clasping my own. I nodded and attempted to wrench my hand from his formidable grip.

"I'm fine, just stop fussing." I snapped, abruptly pulling my hand from under his. He rolled his eyes at Mrs Grenner, who was continuing to look worried.

"Esme, I really think that you should go and see the school nurse."

"No. I'm fine." I shrieked. Truth was, I didn't feel particularly fine, my heart was pounding, my head banging and I felt incredibly stressed about the whole situation I was in. Add in my end of year exam and you have the recipe for a full blown mental breakdown. I turned to Ryan as he whipped out his phone.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Calling your doctor. You're not well. You need to go and see him." I almost knocked the phone out of his hands.

"No, you can't do that. I, erm, already booked an appointment to go and see him this afternoon. In fact in an hour." I lied. Actually, I hadn't booked an appointment to go and see the doctor who didn't even know I was pregnant, I was meeting Luke.

"Okay, I'll come with you." Oh shit.

"No, I don't want you to. Please, I need to see him on my own." Ryan squinted at me in confusion. "I just, I need a bit of space Ryan, I feel like you're constantly suffocating me." I'd hurt him. The look on his face could not have told me any clearer and deep down inside, well, it sort of satisfied me.

"Well, fine I'll give you space." He said haughtily, turning away from me and pretending to be absorbed in his essay. The rest of the lesson was spent in complete silence and as the bell rang, signalling the end of morning lessons, Ryan ran from the room, clearly pissed off and holding a grudge. I shrugged my shoulders, glad that I didn't have to leave the room holding his sweaty hand or well, pretending that the baby kicked every so often. What was going on? I was supposed to be deeply in love with Ryan, yet I was becoming ever more fed up with his stupid, gormless, behaviour and self absorbed attitude. The worst thing was, well, I'd felt like this ever since I'd kissed Luke.

"Esme can I have a quick word?" I jumped, realising that I was still in the same classroom, placing the same book in my bag and staring at the same speck on the wall. Mrs Grenner was standing at her desk and the last few students filtered out of the classroom.

"Sure." I wandered over to her desk, holding the file that contained most of my work.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

"Fat." I whispered nervously. She nodded her head.

"You don't seem too happy about your... situation." She stated. Again I shrugged my shoulders nervously.

"I don't think I love Ryan enough to marry him." I blurted out before putting a hand quickly to my mouth. I shouldn't have said that. But it felt good, it felt good to get something off my chest. "He's beginning to annoy me. I don't want a baby or a wedding. I'm fed up." Mrs Grenner looked at me, a surprised glint in her eyes.

"Yes, well I didn't think that you and Ryan would last as long as you have. But Esme, a baby is a big thing. Getting married is a big thing. If you're not ready then well, maybe you should call everything off and discuss further options about the baby." Cautiously I bit my lip.

"No, I need to go through with this. I mean, I want to. I'm just a little nervous, that's all." And before I could say anymore I ran, actually more like waddled at a quick pace, away from the room. I was soon in my car and driving down the road, tears silently dripping down my face. I didn't see his car leave and follow mine. How could I have? I was so preoccupied with myself and the unruly emotions which were encased within myself. I just, I don't know, I was oblivious.

I was meeting Luke not too far from the headquarters of his business. He was so young and so rich, how did he do it? I thought in admiration. I shook my head as if attempting to shake these formidable thoughts from my mind. I was so confused. I pulled into a parking space nearby and got out of the car, ensuring it was locked before walking away. Luke was waiting for me outside his office, shuffling from one foot to another in a smart, attractive, black suit combination. His tie was red today and his top button undone at the top, establishing a relaxed aura.

"Hey," I said nervously as I approached him. His eyes widened at my round belly and he pulled me into a nearby cafe.

"Esme, you're pregnant?"

"You didn't know?" I hissed at him, a surge of anger creeping from my toes.

"Well, I mean I'd heard rumours, but I never for a minute thought you'd be that stupid." Tears stung my eyes at his words. I wanted to tell him the truth, but how could I?

"It just kind of happened. Anyway, what did you want to tell me?" I asked him, he shook his head as a small, petite, blond waitress approached us, asking what we wanted. Without thinking I ordered a coffee causing both the waitress and Luke to gape at me.

"She'll have a hot chocolate." Luke stated, glaring at me and shooing the waitress away.

"I can't believe you just ordered for me. I can do that for myself, I'm not totally incompetent." I hissed at him. He ignored me and turned away, quickly glancing at everybody in the cafe.

"Esme, I don't know how to tell you this...." He said, deciding that he was safe to articulate his thoughts.

"Well find a way." I demanded, gradually beginning to get annoyed with him. But even I couldn't ignore the tension which was creeping through me. The electricity which surged between us was undeniable and as he placed a hand on my knee I didn't attempt to push it away, I was deeply attracted to him and drawn to his eyes.

"Okay. Well, erm, the other day, I saw and heard something which I wasn't really supposed to. Your boyfriend, sorry fiancee," He spat the words with malice, "He's seeing somebody else."

"He can't be." I was in shock.

"Well, it definitely wasn't you he was kissing down the alleyway the other day." I gasped, short breaths shaking my raging body.

"Was she blond?" I asked. Tiffany, it had to be Tiffany. He'd cheated on me with her before, he'd do it again.

"No, I don't quite know how to tell you this, but I recognised her. I'd seen you with her a bit ago, you were pretty close once I think. Esme, I think her name's Diana." The hot chocolate that had just arrived slipped from my hand and fell to the floor. I stood up and left, hearing Luke shout behind me.

"Esme I haven't finished yet!" He shrieked, throwing a couple of notes on the table and leaving, his footsteps hastily hurrying after me. The whole cafe had turned to look at the commotion, intrigued by the pregnant girl and the rich guy.

My head was spinning.

My vision blurred by what I could only presume were tears.

I felt my knees crumble, exhausted. My hands lower to the ground to protect myself from the fall, my eyes closing as the blackness surrounded me, my eyes losing sight. Somewhere in the distance I could hear a deep voice calling my name monotonously, but soon there was just silence.

Silence and darkness.