𝐀𝐒𝐇 ,𝗌𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖾𝗇'𝗌 𝗀𝗂𝗋𝗅

ꕥ♐︎ 𝖼𝖺𝗆𝗉𝖿𝗂𝗋𝖾

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A sighed escaped her lips as she turns around in her bed. She looks at her window, it was clearly still dark outside. Lily took her phone and sighed again as she saw it was two in the morning.
She hadn't been that good since the start of the lockdown, she felt like she was trapped and anxiety was kicking hard. Lily thought that it will pass as the time and would feel better but it was getting worse.

As she felt anxiety rising in her throat, she kicked her covers off to go to the kitchen, thinking that maybe drinking some water would help to calm her down. She took a glass of water, getting closer to the window as she could see the stars shining.

She felt helpless. Anxiety was sure hard to fight and she dealt with it younger, she knew the symptoms but she couldn't understand why it was worse this time.

"What are you doing awake?" A voice croaked out in the silence.

"I can't sleep, what about you Chan-oppa?"

"I heard some noise, I was with Seungkwan and Hansol."

"Kwan would kick your ass hearing you not using hyung." She chuckles slowly.

"Why would I kick his ass ?" She hears as she turns around.

Seungkwan was there, Hansol following him. Both of them looked at the duo before glancing again at the girl.

"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Hansol questions soflty.

"I can't sleep." She says with a small frown.

"Lily? Is everything okay?" Chan asks.

Lily looks at them before releasing a shaky breath, the boys look at her, understanding that she's not as fine as she pretends. Seungkwan takes her hand as they sit on the small couch.

"I've been feeling off." She starts slowly as she feels Hansol circling her small waist.

"What do you mean by off?" Seungkwan looks for a meaning.

"I feel anxious. Not the type of anxiety you have when you get ready for a comeback, it's the type of anxiety that tortures you. I don't know how to explain it properly, it's like I have this rope around my neck. Every time I breath, she gets tighter? As if it was getting harder to breath, it's harder to breathe actually. I constantly feel this knot inside my throat, making me incapable of breathing properly or even talk, scared that my voice would betray me." She tries to explain.

"It makes me sick, to the point that I'm scared to throw up if I eat. It's so hard to deal with it and I don't know how it's worse from last time. Is it because of the lockdown ? I don't even know. It even wakes me up every night, causing me to deal with insomnia too. I'm tired oppa." Lily says as she releases a shaky breath.

"I.. we didn't know you felt this way.. Lily.. I know sharing your struggles is really hard for you but.. right now you matter so you have to talk to us. We can try to help." Seungkwan says.

"Hyung is right, we can try!" Chan adds with a small pout.

"But what can you do..? It's the problem, I don't even think that help will change anything. I feel like I'm suffocating, I don't find the energy to do anything else than stay in bed or when I want to do things, the lockdown remind me I can't and then I don't find any strength. I used to spend all my days in practice room, in studio and now we can't. I feel frustrated."

"Tell us when you feel like it's too hard to do things, share your burden. You don't have to carry everything on your own." Hansol tells. "I wish I could take your anxiety away but I can't, instead I can be here for you so please, talk to us, to me."

Lily was tearing up at the point, her anxiety was so hard, yet they were here, trying to help her in the best ways.

"Let's build a pillow fort!" Chan chimes happily.

Seungkwan goes with him to get pillows and blankets. Hansol stares at Lily for a moment.

"What's wrong oppa?"

"I.. I don't like when you're struggling and suffering." He says.

"I know." She whispers.

He holds her hands for a second before wrapping his arms around her frame. He hugs her, his head resting on her head before he pecks lovingly her forehead.

The two others boys arrives with their arms full, they install their little fort. Lily lays down next to Hansol, who directly holds her into his arms. Chan comes next to her other side, cuddling her soflty before Seungkwan came next to Chan. They were all next to each other.

She felt Chan turning around, surely cuddling his hyung as she was against Hansol.
She could feel it, the tightness around her throat, her lungs incapable of making her breath properly. Her body language was evident, she was slowly shaking or contracting her body to find a way to feel better.

Hansol felt it too because his arms got tighter around ber frame, his left hand taking her right as he put it on his heart.

"Try to concentrate on my heartbeat, my breathing." He says, worry evident.

Lily closes her eyes, trying to focus on his heartbeat which was beating very fast and then his breathing. As she was focusing on his breathing, she felt his other hand rubbing her back, trying to make her feel better.

"It's okay baby." He reassured her.

He slowly pecks her temple, sensing she is relaxing more as her breathing gets better.

"Ha-"

"Don't talk love, it's okay."

She kept her eyes closed as she felt safe, it was always like this when she was in his arms. She always felt the love, the safety he was emanating. Hansol felt like the heat emanating from a fire during a winter night, relaxing, calming, warm.
Lily was completely relaxed now, soothed by his breathing she could feel herself fall into a deep slumber.

During the rest of the night, she woke up from times to times, every time Hansol woke up and helped her to go back to sleep. Chan turned around again to cuddle against her and she even felt Seungkwan circling his arm on Chan's and her waist.

The next morning, when the older ones woke up, they were surprised to see them asleep. Of course, Jeonghan took a picture of the adorable sight.

"Where are the kids?" Joshua asked as he arrived in the living room, after searching their rooms.

"Here. Look at this Josh, they are adorable. Our babies." Seungcheol said.

Everyone smiled. It was such a pure sight to see. When the kids woke up, they all ate breakfast before Seungkwan decided to talk about what happened during their night. It made everyone worry but they all understood. The sudden stop from the tour because of the virus' breakout was hard to deal with.

They promised each other, to be there for each other as it was hard for everyone and they made promise Lily she would share more her burdens. The young girl also thought that maybe, following a medication for anxiety could help.

The maknae line was proud of her, especially after their night where she shared her burdens. It was what always mattered to the members, being able to help each other.

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new chapter~
This is actually a chapter that held a special place to my heart because... the way I describe Lily's anxiety.. it's exactly what I feel. Anxiety is never easy to deal with and I think we can say that covid really impacted badly. So I wanted to show many things as they even talked about how the sudden stop from the industry was hard for them.
I hope you guys will enjoy it~

You're always appreciated and loved. I believe in you. 💗