Tea » author

to you, with love

it's the suicide prevention and awareness month, guys.

addressing it formally doesn't sit right with me, since I've faced a lot with the subject. i brag about this a lot, but I've survived suicide attempts twice, and I'm so so so happy to be alive right now, writing this for you guys; breathing, in my senses. it's only when you face death that you realize how beautiful life is.

i know, I know a lot of you have probably contemplated suicide before and might still do, and I know that life is really tough to live. true, dying is easier than living. but what about that concealed fighter in you, trying to roar into life when your exterior is falling apart? even if you're contemplating about taking your life at this moment, just imagine what all you could be if you mustered a little more strength and choose to continue battling life. imagine how proud your well-wishers would be if you choose to put up a fight with your demons.

late in this July, about two months ago, I almost attempted suicide again. it was just terrible self-harm, and when i confessed it to my doctor, with my parents, they broke down crying in the clinic. and you never really know what pain is before you see your loved ones lose hope and shed tears.

and you know what i did? i breathed in and out and i chose to live like a fighter. I'm still going, and I'm proud of that. i will fight until fate chooses to take me down.

there's this dilemma: what's the reason of living anymore? where's the purpose? and to that, I'll say that anything that gives you happiness and doesn't harm you or anyone in any way is your purpose. it's not difficult to pick it out; it's right in front of you. you just need to wipe your tears and clear your blurry sight. you'll find your calling, and it's different for everyone. you're you, and that's your superpower. nobody else can be you.

this is getting long, so there's one last plead from me: choose to live, not for someone else, but for you. i know that you'll get through it, you warrior! you have that strength, and I'm rooting for you :)

with love, udeesha :D