play pretend | BUCKY BARNES

fifteen

It wouldn't fucking go away.

For three days Bucky had this sick feeling clinging to his stomach, he couldn't think straight, and every night that mans voice haunted him, he had barley had an hours sleep each night.

Bucky wouldn't talk to anyone, he had 20 missed called from Steve he just blatantly ignored, and a few texts from Nat got left on read.

He was drowning himself in work, it was his only distraction from his mind. He would stay at the office all day, not letting any assistants in to talk to him unless it was work related and completely necessary. When the office closed he would take the work home, working until the early hours of the morning and then when he couldn't process words anymore at around 4am, only then would he attempt to go to sleep.

But that's when the situation played over and over in his head.

Seeing a man- A shirtless man in your house was the only confirmation to him that you didn't feel the same way that he did.

Bucky let out a long sigh, stacking up a tower of papers he had been working through that day.

Or night?

He didn't know anymore.

He took a new case file and read over the first line, going over and over the first line because he couldn't process the information.

He couldn't remember the last time he ate or drank something, no wonder he wasn't understanding what he was reading.

Bucky let out a groan of frustration and slammed his case file on his desk. He couldn't concentrate, and it was killing him. He ran his fingers through his hair so many times the past few days that it was no longer in the perfect combed back position everyone was so used to. Strands of hair framed his face and he was long overdue for a haircut.

He rubbed his eyes and sat back in his home office chair, staring at the wall, for the millionth time that day the scene that played out at your apartment going through his head.

How could he have been so stupid?

He wanted the pain to go away, he didn't want the relationship to be pretend anymore. If this was a romance story then fuck it, fuck whoever was typing out his goddamn story and find a new fucking author.

This wasn't what he asked for, he carried enough pain on his shoulders, he didn't ask for more.

—

You sat on the sofa facing the wall, it was past midnight but for some reason Loki had decided to take a shower. Your leg bounced anxiously as you waited for him to join you so you could tell him what had been on your mind for the past three days.

Bucky turning up at your door changed everything. You thought you had moved on from him, you didn't think he was as prominent in your mind as he used to.

But in reality you were just blocking him out, you were blocking everyone out.

By avoiding everyone's texts and calls you allowed yourself to believe that you didn't have feelings for Bucky, but really you did, and you had just found someone who vaguely reminded you of him to fill the hole in your heart.

Bucky showing up three days ago brought everything rushing back all at once.

Everything about Bucky you loved, the way he knew exactly when to comfort you, how willing he was to make you feel better even in the darkest hours of the night.

You had tried to find these qualities of Buckys that you loved so much in Loki, but as more time passed, the more you realised that really, they were nothing alike.