Connected To Him (ManxMan)

Part 1: Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Craig David Born to Do it Track #7

Coach Riley was having the boys run drills again. The wave of feet thumping against the ground came and went as the boys ran past Courtney who watched listlessly. She stared mutely down at the ground, her mind blank for only a moment. Then, the thoughts rushed back in again. Of course, those few moments of nothingness wouldn't last for long and the familiar feeling of insecurity would return.

Most days, Courtney felt okay. She went out into the world confident in herself and what she had to offer. But those days were becoming rarer and farther in between. If someone asked her why she was so upset, the reasoning would sound foolish. It wasn't just one thing, it was a million little things piled together. That time a week ago when Logan ignored her when she said hi. Or two days ago when Daphney joked about Courtney's ass making her look like a middle-aged mom. They shouldn't have offended her. Logically, she knew that. But her mind wouldn't let those little moments go and slowly but surely, these little things added up until they created a poignant weight on her soul.

Everywhere Courtney looked she saw evidence of how inferior she was. Of how insignificant she was. Of how little she mattered.

"Courtney!"

Courtney's head jerked up when she heard her name being yelled from across the field. Coach Riley was staring at her with a glare and she wasn't sure whether it was caused by anger or by the bright sun.

"Why are you just sitting around?! Go check on the water or something, make yourself useful."

A rush of emotion raced through her chest and she couldn't decide which feeling hurt more. Courtney couldn't help how her cheeks flared up in embarrassment. She looked around the field and shrunk further into herself when she noticed how all the boys were staring at her. Some hit their friends' arms or shoulders to quietly laugh among themselves, always looking back at her again.

They're laughing at me, Courtney thought with a strange sense of resignation. I guess I'm not completely invisible.

Grunting, she pushed off of the bench and went towards the water jug. Who cares if she'd replaced it less than half an hour ago? It's not like they ever noticed how hard she worked or how much she tried. A feeling of unappreciation mingled in with thousands of others, blending into the ever-growing ball of hurt.

By the time practice ended, Courtney was close to tears. Her hands nearly shook in those last few minutes as she completed her duties, the array of emotions swirling inside of her bubbling up to the surface. She felt incredibly exposed and so badly wanted to run away and hide. Once the coach finally gave her the okay, she raced into the school. As the swish of the door sliding shut sounded behind her, her eyes flitted about, looking for a space to hide.

She took a left turn, moving away from the booming laughter coming out of the locker room. Walking furiously, she happened to notice movement from the corner of her eye. Her heart thumped and she turned, only to see that it was the glass in front of the display showing all the trophies their school's teams had won. The glass was incredibly reflective, allowing Courtney to see every part of her appearance.

The sight of her watering eyes and lips parted to suck in shuddering gasps only made her cry more. Then, she looked lower, taking note of her stomach and holding on to the part that protruded past the lip of her pants. She suddenly felt embarrassed, imagining that the boys outside had laughed at the fat made more visible by her crop top.

It suddenly occurred to her why she was so upset.

The realization shocked Courtney and finally, the tears began falling down her cheeks in a steady stream.