Connected To Him (ManxMan)

Part 1: Chapter 26

Chapter 26: Hypothetically Speaking . . .

Ethan woke up with a few drawn-out blinks, slowly becoming aware of the fact that he was awake again. Staring at the wall off to the side, Ethan already felt that he was in a bad mood. Must have been a bad dream he thought, the possible explanation still not helping his mood. Sitting up in his bed, he pulled back to covers to get up when he heard a familiar ping, alerting him that he'd gotten a text.

Chris

Good morning baby

A smile spread across Ethan's face before he could stop it. Hiding his mouth behind his left palm Ethan typed out a quick response.

Ethan

Good morning!

I can't wait to see you today

He felt a bit embarrassed to be typing out such an honest response, but his worries soon faded after Chris replied.

Chris

Me neither :)

Ethan was left with a warm feeling in his chest. After dating Chris for almost three months, he'd learned firsthand how honest Chris was. He never shied away from expressing his feelings and it helped Ethan do the same. Yet, there were still some things Ethan was hesitant about telling him outright. At the reminder of Ethan's recent troubles, he felt the easy smile slip off of his face.

Sighing inwardly, Ethan finally got out of bed, leaving his phone on the mattress as he headed for the bathroom. Over the last couple of months, Ethan had grown more dissatisfied with the way things were going. Ethan had dreamt of being with Chris for months, so when the opportunity to finally date him presented itself, Ethan was willing to take Chris in any form he could get.

But Ethan was sad to admit that maybe that wasn't enough. It was just hard to be so secretive. In private Chris was sweet and caring, a perfect friend and boyfriend. But in public, Chris pretended like Ethan was just another one of his friends. In those moments, Ethan felt like a dirty little secret, not a partner to be loved and cherished.

Most days, Ethan could push those feelings to the side. It's all in your head, he reminded himself, you know Chris cares about you. But the worst part of it, apart from not being able to be honest, was seeing Chris flirting with girls.

Maybe it was dramatic to call it flirting. More accurately it's watching different girls flirt with Chris. Regardless, it would always bring Ethan's insecurities back to the forefront. Ethan was a jealous person by default, but it was made worse by the fact that Chris could be attracted to them. Ethan had no idea what type of girl Chris went for, he hadn't dated anyone since coming to their school, but his type had to be one of the many girls he talked to every day. Comparing himself to the beautiful, well-dressed, and flirtatious women that hung around Chris constantly reminded Ethan of his own inadequacies.

These were the last things Ethan should have been thinking about while staring at his naked body in the mirror. He'd known for a long time that he wasn't a woman, why did it suddenly bother him that he didn't have perky breasts or beautiful curves?

"Snap out of it." Ethan told himself firmly, smacking his cheeks three times. He promptly left the bathroom then, it was obvious he wasn't getting anything done in there. Ethan tried to focus his attention on getting ready for school. He often found that focusing his mind on more positive or neutral topics could improve his attitude and he needed all the help he could get.

Walking into the kitchen for some breakfast, Ethan was unsurprised to find his mom reading something on her phone while sipping from her cup of coffee.