Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
♧
First person pov
The memories came flying back to me. Every little detail of that time flooded my brain, taking my air away like I was actually drowning. My legs felt too weak to support my body, and I couldn't help but fall on my knees to the floor. The muffled sound of hurried footsteps coming closer didn't even alarm me.
_"Y/n? Y/n, you're not breathing!"-Five's voice was in the very back of my mind. I couldn't completely concentrate on him. His mouth movements and the noise seemed unsynchronized.
_"I killed them..."-I couldn't do anything but whisper, while the boy tried to make me look up at him. His warmer hands cupped my cheeks, and I noticed him flinching for a second. Maybe I was cold. I could physically feel my blood draining from my face.
_"Don't say that! You were a child!"-He gently moved my head up, and our eyes met. He seemed worried. It didn't make me feel better.
_"Exactly. I've been a murderer my whole life. I thought I was better than this, but I've always been--"
_"Stop it. You're not this. Please, please listen to me."--His grip on my cheeks got firmer. He was right. I wasn't breathing properly. My chest felt abnormally tight.
_"I thought the Commission was the one to make me a killer, but it wasn't...I've done something horrible since before."
_"It was them, for fuck's sake! They made you lose control! They attacked first!"-Five's hands went down to my shoulders, gripping them and shaking me slightly. He was starting to panic.
_"My parents had nothing to do with it! I'm a monster, Five! They loved me, and I did that! I'm a fucking abomination!"-My sobs finally got audible. I just then realized how much I cried.
In a split second, I felt arms wrapping around me tightly, a hand on my head and another on my back. Five hugged me so close to himself, I could feel his heart beating against my own. My hands kept still, limp by my side, yet I buried my face into his shoulder. My hiccups were so strong, I felt pain every time my body shook.
_"...Don't say that. Don't ever say that. It wasn't your fault, you were eight. I know your parents wouldn't ever blame your for it, so you can't do that to yourself. Okay? You can't."-The boy started caressing my head, pushing me on himself. I could feel how his muscles were tense. He was trying, really trying, to make me feel better. I wanted to feel better too, but how could I? Of course, his words meant something, but still...My brain insisted on blaming me.
_"I can't...Five, I can't do it. I can't do this."-My hands finally moved and grabbed the back of his blazer. My fingers dug into the fabric harshly, as I felt the need to feel him there, next to me, alive, as much as I could.
_"I'll be here until you can. I'm helping you, okay? So, I need you to listen to me, can you do that?"-His voice was softer, but still shaky. I only nodded slowly, knowing he would feel my movement.
