Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

Clarity and Focus

Full disclosure: I know nothing about athletes or track or what locker rooms are like.

CW: sex between consenting adults

I'm giving you a nice, warm and fuzzy chapter because the one after this is a doozy. After that things will slowly get better for a while... then a lot better for a while. Then there will be a big sad moment. Then the happy ending. It may take a while because the chapters just keep on coming.

Thanks for all the comments, it really makes all the procrastination I'm doing with the rest of my life so that I can write this feel worthwhile lol

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A gentle breeze ruffled Casey's hair, blowing the tiny wisps not secured by her small ponytail against her forehead. The field was silent and the only sounds she could hear was the scrape-scrape of the other athletes lining up their cleats as they got into position. The morning light was bright and crisp, the sun not yet as overbearing and blazing as it would be by the afternoon. In the distance a bird called. Her fingertips steepled against the ground as she breathed in and out, a deeply steadying breath. She could feel Izzie three places to her right and knew she would be crouching in her own starting position, her powerful leg muscles flexing in anticipation, that familiar look of intense focus on her face. Casey imagined that she could feel their connection, giving her strength.

This was the biggest meet they'd had since starting at UCLA a couple months prior. At first her performance had been the best it's ever been. Everyone on the team loved her and their coach smiled at her with a look of satisfaction at the end of every practice. Izzie had also fit right in, knowing, as usual, exactly what to say and do to endear people to her and, at times, to keep them in their place. Of course they were both still low in the hierarchy as freshmen, but gradually they were proving themselves. And their older teammates were starting to take notice. To invite them to parties and out for pizza. To include them on group text threads.

But as time wore on the meets had become more competitive and as everyone's expectation that Casey perform her best every time had increased, so had her anxiety.

At their last practice Casey had made one mistake after another, her irritation and erraticness slowly affecting the whole team until Coach had yelled, "Get your head in the game or get off my field Gardner!"

Frustrated and angry with herself and the world she'd stormed off the field and into the locker room kicking a wall and practically ripping her locker door off the hinges as she opened it. The room had been tense.

"Jeez, get it together," one of their teammates had muttered.

And another had said, annoyed, "Hope you do better than that at the meet Gardner."

Casey had glared at her, as if daring her to say more, but then Izzie had been there saying, "Ok, ok, back off guys. Leave her alone. We all have bad days."

Izzie put her body between Casey and the other girls until they turned to their own lockers and conversations. Casey sank onto the bench, beginning to remove her shoes in a huff. Izzie turned and rested a firm hand on Casey's shoulder, squeezing slightly. She didn't say anything, knowing from experience that Casey would not be capable of talking right now. Eventually she sat down to take her own shoes off. Wordlessly Casey got up and headed toward the showers.

The warm water hitting her face and body was calming and centering but she could still feel the irritating fluttering in her chest and the tingling in her arms and legs... the difficulty breathing. The panic. God, it was everything she'd feared. Failing. Choking. Being so close to success and then blowing it. It was happening. She swallowed and tried to empty her mind. She listened to the sounds of the other girls as they laughed and talked, quickly showering, dressing and leaving for breakfast or classes. She already knew she would not be eating breakfast. She wondered if Izzie would wait for her or know to give her space. In her current state of mind it was hard to care.