Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

Go Get Your Girl

Izzie took a deep breath and shifted her backpack on her shoulder. The narrow hallway in the airplane's cabin was packed with passengers waiting in single file to exit the airplane. She had spent the bulk of her remaining savings to buy a round trip economy ticket to LA. A last ditch effort to win Casey back. A "grand gesture," as Gabby had termed it.

A week after her breakup with Casey she'd still been reeling with shock and hardly believing it had actually happened. As each day slipped by, the reality of what she'd done gradually sunk in. The permanence of it. Gabby had found her one evening washing dishes, staring out the small kitchen window as the water ran, a soapy dish and sponge hanging loosely from her motionless hands. She'd turned off the water and leaned on the counter beside her, waiting. Watching. Izzie watched the bugs dancing outside the window.

"Are you gonna be ok?" Gabby asked quietly.

"Of course I am," Izzie said, drying her hands and trying to snap back to the responsible, adult role she was trying to inhabit.

But as she turned to meet Gabby's weary, unguarded eyes it suddenly seemed so stupid to pretend. She swallowed. Took a breath.

"I think I've made a huge mistake," she practically whispered.

Wordlessly Gabby turned and went to the freezer, pulling out a tub of ice cream. Then she got two spoons and led Izzie back to her room to curl up side-by-side in her bed.

"It's all my fault," Gabby said glumly, after Izzie relayed the bare facts of their fight.

Izzie's forehead had furrowed as she put a comforting hand on Gabby's knee.

"Don't say that! You're not the only reason I'm back here," she said adamantly.

Then her voice took on a softer quality as she continued, "Honestly, I think... I think this would've happened even if I'd stayed."

She leaned her head back against the headboard and stared at the uneven, popcorn ceiling.

"God it just... It felt like she was breaking up with me," she said softly. "And I wanted to be the one to do it before she could. Like that might somehow hurt less."

Tears rolled down her face.

"And it didn't... obviously."

Gabby held the ice cream container out to her but she shook her head.

"The more I think about it... maybe she was just trying to... talk about things."

She angrily wiped away a tear.

"And I just fucked it all up," she said with a sniffle.

"Well then you should talk to her," Gabby said quietly.

Izzie snorted, shook her head bleakly.

"This is like... beyond talking. She'll never forgive me for this. I mean... why would she?"

Her eyes were sore and burning from all the tears she had shed recently. It seemed like they would just permanently be red and swollen now. She took a deep, shaky breath and closed her eyes, the headboard solid and familiar against the back of her head.

"Maybe if you make, like, a 'grand gesture...'" Gabby suggested softly. "Like guys do in movies."

Izzie snorted. Opened her eyes. But then she stopped; considered it.

"Like what?"

Gabby shrugged.

"Send flowers?" she suggested, weakly.

"It's not enough. I don't think anything would be enough."

She examined her fingers, pruny from washing dishes.

"You should go out there," Gabby said, a fragile confidence edging her voice. "Surprise her."

Izzie peeked at her out of the corner of her eye, a risky feeling of hope beginning to dawn inside her. For a moment they were both silent.

Then Izzie cautiously asked, "What if she doesn't want to see me?"

"She might not," Gabby said, "But... at least you'll have tried."

Izzie sat up and buried her face in her hands groaning, "God that's so... fucking terrifying."

Crickets chirped outside her cracked window. The tv blared in the next room.

"I think she'll be happy to see you," Gabby said, voice small but firm.

Izzie met her eyes. She sniffled.

"Ok," she said with a wry chuckle.

Gabby smiled; a rare sight these days.

"Go get your girl."

Izzie hadn't told Casey she was coming. She was too afraid she'd tell her not to come. Or worse, say things Izzie wouldn't ever be able to unhear. Like she'd done to Casey. She didn't even really have a plan. She had nowhere to stay and no one knew she was there. The contents of her dorm were currently en route back to Connecticut, courtesy of the school (though she'd had to pay for it of course.) She wasn't even totally sure what she'd say other than "I'm so sorry. Please take me back." A few days after she bought her ticket she got a text from Casey. She'd been tutoring a 5th grader in math and had to duck into his family's powder room to fully absorb the text.

I know you said it's over. But I miss you so much and I still think about you all the time.You hurt me more than anyone ever has. You obviously don't think very highly of me any more and I'm not sure when that happened. For what it's worth I didn't mean what I said about not being sure why I'm with you. I've never actually felt that way and I really wish I hadn't said it. I don't know if you really believe all the things you said either. If you don't... maybe we can talk sometime.

She'd almost cried when she read Casey's words. Not because of what she said but because she still cared. Because she was still thinking about her. Since getting the text she'd composed a hundred responses.

I'm sorry...

I don't want it to be over...

I didn't mean what I said...

But none of them felt right. None of them felt adequate. She needed to see Casey in person. If she couldn't show Casey just how much she loved her and make up for everything she'd said, then even if they reconciled those words would still be between them. Poisoning their relationship like all the other things they'd allowed to put space between them. She needed to perform a grand gesture, just like Gabby said. And a text was not a grand gesture. She'd talk to Casey when she saw her. She'd get down on her knees if she had to. And this text was proof she had reason to be hopeful.

An acidic combination of worry, terror, hope and love bubbled in Izzie's stomach as she exited the plane and made her way through the airport. She didn't even know Casey's schedule now. What classes she had or where she'd be. It was evening, on a weeknight, so chances were pretty good she could catch her at her dorm. Izzie found a bathroom to freshen up in after the long flight. She brushed her teeth, washed her face and reapplied her makeup while other passengers came and went around her. She brushed her hair, put on some earrings and even changed her shirt. The reflection in the mirror looked pretty damn good, if she did say so herself. She just hoped that all of this would be enough to undo everything that had happened between them. Then she walked outside and hailed a cab.