Back To You ~ (Cazzie Fanfic)

Back To You

After Casey watches Gabby and Dylan drive off, she jogs up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She rings the doorbell. Waits. Knocks on the door. Waits. There's no answer. God, is she really not home? Where would she be?

She drives to the trail, the one they always run on. Maybe Izzie went for a run, to clear her head. Casey runs and runs and runs, covering every inch of trail. Checking her phone practically every five minutes. She runs for hours. Till her already exhausted body can't go on and the exertion has turned her anxiety into dread. She texts Gabby.

Gab I'm sorry. To you too. Please tell her.

And by the time she makes it home to the shower she's certain it's happening again. It's all just... happening again. She fucked up and Izzie's just gone now. Gone from her life like she'd never been there in the first place. How many years will it be this time? 3? 5? 10? Never? Fuck. She wipes her tears away and falls heavily onto the couch. Buries her head in her hands. God, she can't breathe. She checks her phone again. Nothing. Fuck. This is exactly what she'd been trying to avoid this whole time! Letting Izzie get close enough to break her. Like she had before. And it had happened anyway. God how will she recover from this again? From the regret and the shame and the hurt of it? Dismally she remembers how she used to drive by Izzie's apartment every time she was home, hoping to catch a glimpse. How many hours of her life had she spent trying to understand how someone who had loved her so much could just end things so abruptly? And cut her off like she was nothing?

And now you've made her feel like she's nothing, a small voice inside her says.

It's not what she wanted. This was never what she wanted and there's no comfort or vindication in it. So she sits, and waits. For what, she's not sure. She waits as the tears dry on her face and her head begins to ache. As the light slowly begins to slant sideways through the windows and then fade. She doesn't eat. She doesn't answer her mother's calls. She just sits. Until it becomes clear that the whole day will pass without Izzie. An intolerable day. Day 1. Of how many? The rest of her life? God, sitting here is unbearable. And she can't run anymore, that's for sure. Kate's already gonna kill her for overdoing it like this. She'll have to take the next two weeks off to recover. She'll walk. That's what she'll do. She has to get out of here. Before the silence crushes her. She'll walk all night. It'll be better than lying awake. She puts on her shoes. Grabs her coat and keys and throws open the front door, desperate for fresh air.

She stops short. Izzie is sitting on her front steps. She starts at the sound of the door flying open and jumps to her feet, turning around and rapidly backing up a few steps. She's clutching Casey's coat, the one she'd left at the party, tightly in her hands. Casey's eyes drink her in. She looks beautiful and sad in her big puffy coat with no makeup on. Dark crescents rim eyes but otherwise she seems ok. It gives Casey a small measure of relief just to see her. Izzie stares back at Casey with a resolute expression on her face.

"How long have you been out here?" Casey asks hesitantly.

Izzie swallows.

"A while."

Her voice is low and scratchy.

"Are you ok?" Casey asks, voice cracking around the words.

Izzie doesn't answer. Just stares at her earnestly as if taking in every detail she can. As if she's seeing Casey for the last time.

"Iz, I'm so sorry," Casey practically whispers. "Pl-"

Then she notices the filing box next to her steps. It's filled to the brim with stuff she recognizes. Her stuff. Clothes she'd left at Izzie's. A book she'd lent her. The frying pan she'd bought for them. The hoodie Izzie had claimed as her own. Her toothbrush will be in there, Casey realizes. The cream she uses for sore muscles. Her extra phone charger. She gasps audibly at the sight.