In The Shadows | Loki

I BELIEVE SO

"Let me get this straight," Fury begins and I resist the urge to groan. "Agent Winters, you're refusing to go on missions? You care to explain why?" Fury is seething.
        "The last mission you sent me on lead to me destroying parts of London. Does that help?" Fury glares, and I sigh. "Look, I just don't think it's a good idea to go on missions right now, alright? I can't right now. Can you please just trust that?" Fury's glare doesn't let up, but he looks away after a moment.
        "Fine. You can take time off by being put on suspension without pay." My eyes widen, and I look to Nat and Clint for help. I knew Clint wouldn't say a word in my defense, seeing as he had barely talked to me since Loki had arrived. Nat, I thought, might help a little. She and Loki had formed some sort of weird friendship, an I didn't think she was having that much of a problem not reporting it to Fury. She didn't even look at me, picking at her cuticles. I bite my bottom lip to resist the urge to scream. "Is there anything you want to say, Agent Winters?"
        "No, thank you." I mutter. Fury gives me another long look, and I knew he was completely pissed. He turns to Natasha, Throwing the file he had been intending to give to me, to her. 
        "Romanoff, you'll be sent off tomorrow, unless you have an objection as well?"
        "No sir." Nat replies, almost lazily. She pops open the file, flicking through the papers. 
        "You three are dismissed." I shove out of my chair, not bothering to wait as I leave the conference room. I head straight for the quinjet, ready to go back to the training room in the tower and hit something. In the time it takes Nat and Clint to get back, I've already got the jet prepped and ready to leave. They climb inside, and once I'm sure they're both in, I close off the cockpit and take off. Just to make sure they got the message, I started blasting music within the cockpit that I knew they could hear through the door. It may have been childish, but I didn't care.
        I knew they had been upset when I had brought Loki back and asked them not to tell SHIELD. Now they Clint was flat out ignoring me, Nat clearly didn't have my back, and I couldn't help but be a little upset. I had thought years  of friendship should've been able to overcome this, but now I wasn't so sure.
        When we land at the tower, I'm the first one out of the jet, despite being in the cockpit. Nat and  Clint were talking in hushed voices that went silent as I passed them. I knew that Pepper and Tony were out at a meeting for Stark Industries, Bruce was probably in the labs, and Steve was more likely than not in the gym or with Sam. Out of everyone, Steve had the most reason to hate me, yet he was the one who still treated me like a friend. I had broken up with him, and he was the one who treated me normally. 
        I head into the kitchen, craving coffee. I'd get my caffeine, then figure out something to do with the rest of my day. I quickly get the coffee machine brewing, leaning against the counter while I wait. I hear a shuffle near the door, and I look up. Clint and Nat are standing there, and I can't help but scowl. 
        "Can you go feed your own caffeine addiction somewhere else?" I ask. 
        "Ophelia, I know you're mad-"
        "Really? Weeks of radio silence, and now you wanna talk?" I ask Clint. He exchanges a look with Nat. "You both know why I can't do missions right now. I'm so compromised with this bond thing that it isn't even funny, but neither of you said a word. You don't have to support what's going on, you just have to support me. I'm still your friend. I still have your back right now, even if it doesn't feel like it." The coffee machine beeps, and I reach up into the cabinet, pulling a mug down. "I'm really pissed at you right now, so if you wouldn't mind leaving, it'd be great." There's a long pause. 
        "Ophelia." I let out a long breath, slowly turning back around. "Can I please explain?" Clint asks. 
        "Can you explain why you aren't going silent with Nat when she's developed a weird relationship with Loki? Can you explain why it's just me?" I counter. Clint sighs. 
        "He took over my mind, Ophelia. You have to understand that. I can't trust him, and when you came back bonded to him, what was I supposed to think? For all I knew, he could see through your eyes." I give him a look, crossing my arms over my chest. "I know it's unreasonable, but all I can remember from that time is attacking my friends. You and Nat were like my family, and I had no control when I tried to hurt you. I don't trust him." My teeth clench as I wait, trying to stop myself from speaking. To let him talk. "I've been scared. Nat's been pestering me for weeks, trying to pound it in me that it wasn't him on the battlefield. That he was being controlled." 
        "He was." I say quietly. 
        "Apparently." Clint replies. "I realize I've been a shitty friend, and I'm trying to fix that. I know that you aren't being controlled by him or whatever. You've gotta understand why I needed time to adjust to this." I press my lips in a thin line, upset.
        "Clint, my mind has not been my own twice in my life. If anyone here was going to understand what you went through, it's me. Could you not even realize that?" I ask. My powers took over once when I was in my teens." I emphasize. "And then I had to deal with an infinity stone taking over. You could've come and talked to me. Instead you cut me off." Clint takes a few steps in, setting his stuff on the barstool chair. "And to top it all off, I haven't seen any photos of your kids in months." Clint breaks into a small smile at that. "Look, you and I both know we aren't going to pick right back up where we left off, but you're my friend, Clint. You're my family. I don't want to lose that." 
        "I don't want to lose it either." He responds. "Does that mean we're good?" I set my mug of coffee in front of him.
        "We're good. Just please back me up next time, okay?" 
        "I'll call Fury now."
        "Please don't make it worse." I reply, shaking my head and making him laugh. "Do you have any photos of Lila though?" His smile widens, and he pulls out his phone. Nat sits on the seat next to him, and Clint glances at her.
        "I'm not groveling." She informs me. "I know what I'm doing." 
        "Do you?" She simply smiles, shrugging her shoulders. I let out a long breath, moving to make another cup of coffee. The machine begins to whir, and for a minute, we're in a comfortable silence. Then-
        "Loki. How was training without me?" I turn a little at Nat's voice. Loki had taken a couple of steps in the kitchen, but had stopped when he saw who was inside. Loki's eyes flick up to meet mine before he focuses on Natasha.
        "The Captain and his companion had claimed the room, so I chose instead to spend the morning reading." Nat rolls her eyes, and I don't miss Clint watching her with quite a bit of confusion.
        "Lazy." I mutter.
        "Oh, do speak up Love." Loki replies immediately, and I throw a look over my shoulder.
        "You heard me." He raises an eyebrow, a small smirk playing along his lips. "Besides, you'll have to get used to training alone. Nat's going on mission for a few weeks. Unless you ask Thor to train with you." Loki makes a disgusted look.
        "I had quite enough of that in my childhood." He replies. Clint gets to his feet, gathering his things. 
        "I'm going to go pack. I'm leaving for a solo mission tonight." Clint informs us, suddenly serious. I knew Fury had given him no such mission, so he was taking an excuse to go visit his family. I didn't blame him. It had been a while since he had been home. "I promise I'll send you pictures Ophelia." I nod with a small smile, and Clint turns to leave.
        "I do hope your family is doing well." 
        The entire room goes completely and utterly still. The three of us are staring at Loki, not sure what to do. Nat and I were the only ones besides Fury who knew anything about Clint's family and hidden farm. There wasn't even a file. One look at Clint, and I don't think he's breathing.
        "How do you know about that?" Loki gives a surprised look when he hears Natasha's defensive, venomous tone. He returns his eyes to Clint.
        "Do you not remember?" Clint is visibly shaking with anger, staying silent. Loki looks to me for help.
        "How the hell do you know about that Loki?" I ask through clenched teeth. Loki takes a step back, realizing he wasn't safe. Loki couldn't be hurt because it would hurt me, but I had no doubt in that moment that Clint would kill me if it meant keeping his family safe. I wouldn't even blame him.
        "When Barton was under the influence of the scepter, and I was under the influence of Thanos, I made him tell me every weakness that SHIELD had. That meant all of his, and all of yours spider, Ophelia." Clint's hands are in fists, his knuckles white. "I'm not a murderer. The second that Barton mentioned his children, I forced my mind to tune out. As much as you'd all like to think, I did try to stop events from happening."
        "You-"
        "Clint." I cut my friend off, and he turns to me. "Go now. I told you, I have your back. Let me deal with this, and I'll call you later." 
        "I can't-"
        "Go. You need Laura." Clint hasn't stopped shaking. 
        "Go." Nat  joins me, and Clint looks at her. "Go before you do something you'll regret." Clint looks at Loki, and I know then that there's no place on earth that Loki would be able to hide if something happened to Clint's family. 
        Clint turns and leaves the room without a word, but his hand keeps moving to touch his hidden gun. I knew he was itching to kill the trickster god, but he wouldn't. I look at Nat. "I'll go make sure he doesn't snap." She murmurs, casting another dark look at Loki before following Clint out.
        I turn on Loki the second they're both gone. He raises his hands in mock surrender. "I thought he remembered-"
        "What the hell were you thinking?" I half-scream, stalking forward. "Bringing up his family like that? Have you heard of blissful ignorance? He could've gone his entire life not remembering that you knew about the one thing that he holds above all else. Instead you choose to shatter his confidence about being able to keep his family safe? What. Were. You. Thinking?!" I poke his chest with every word of my last question. He waits for me to be finished, trying to gauge my emotions.
        "I thought," Loki begins carefully, "that he remembered. The only reason I mentioned it is because I was confident that you and the spider knew as well. I wasn't lying when I said that I tried to stop things from happening." I press my lips in a thin line, trying not to shout. "I didn't bring it up to hurt him, Love. I promise."
        "How do I know that?" I ask. "Other than Nat, you get along with no one here. You could've easily been saying that to hurt him and give you leverage." Loki's teeth clench as I continue. "I trust you. I trust what you do. They don't, and right now, I'm trying to figure out if it's for a reason." There's a long moment of tense silence between the two of us.
        "Are you quite done?" He asks in a low voice. I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms over my chest. "I would not intentionally hurt Barton, or any member of your team for that matter, because it would hurt you, and I don't want to do that." I blink slowly, my mind rolling as I try to process what he had just said. "I know when you're hurt physically, and I can try and prevent that. Just because I can't feel it, it doesn't mean I want to hurt you emotionally either." I know he isn't lying, and that's what's confusing me.
        "You.... what?" I finally get out. He lets out a long sigh, his eyes darting around the kitchen. He was looking for an escape. "What do you mean?" For a moment, he continues to look for any way out. Then his eyes meet mine. His jaw sets, and he straightens. 
        "Ophelia Winters, I don't want to hurt you. What I want is to stop anything and everything from hurting you ever again." I freeze, staring at the man in front of me. "I didn't save you when you were bleeding out in this tower because of some stupid life debt. I saved you because you were the one person that believed that I was better than some psychopathic god. When you came to Asgard, the reason I helped Thor stop Maleketh is because you were dying. I didn't want to help Thor, I wanted to help you. I wanted to make sure that you were safe." I swallow the lump in my throat. "When you stopped breathing, when I was holding your dead body on Asgard, it was like the only hope, the only light in my life had flickered out. I took the risk to cast the bonding spell because I needed you. I didn't care that it was going to kill me if it didn't work, because without you, I didn't have enough reason to care about anything anymore." My chest feels tight. "I don't want to hurt you because I am completely and utterly in love with you."
        I can't speak. There are absolutely no words in my mind. Everything has run completely blank as I try to think of something, anything to say. Loki waits, watching for anything from me. I can't speak, and he sighs. "You don't feel the same, and that's okay. I wasn't expecting you too. It's okay." He takes a step back, and I realize he's about to leave.
        "No." He stops. "I-I broke up with Steve because of you." Loki's face turns into one of confusion. "Wait, wait. That came out wrong. I broke up with Steve because I saw you with Natasha, and I got insanely jealous. I broke up with Steve because I have feelings for you." Loki eyes me, watching me for a long moment.
        "You don't have to make something up because of what I said."
        "And you know I'm not lying. I'm not making this up." I shoot back. "You know I'm not lying to you. You don't get to confess your feelings and then shut down when it turns out I return them. You don't get to shut down, or throw up a wall. When someone returns feelings like that, you don't shut down, you get to kiss me and be happy, do you understand?" He blinks slowly, staring at me. "Do you understand me?" I repeat the question, frustrated.
        In half a second, he's got my face in his hand, and has pushed me back up against the counter. His lips are on mine, and I respond instantly, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. My eyes flutter shut as his lips move against mine, hungry and desperate. His hands move down, circling around my waist to pull me closer. I let my hands wander, one weaving into his hair, the other moving down to bunch up the fabric of his shirt that rests on his waist. His lips slide against mine in an unsung symphony, and his tongue traces along my bottom lip, making me gasp and giving him access. My heart is pounding, racing, and I can't help but let out a small whimper when he pulls back, his nose brushing against mine. My breath comes out in pants, my chest heaving. 
        "I understand, Love." He murmurs, his lips brushing against mine as he speaks.  "Trust me, I understand." I take in a shaky breath.
        "That's... that's, ah, good. That's really, really good." I breathe. He smirks, and I scowl. "No, you don't get to be smug. I'm going to make you talk to Clint." He sighs, pulling back. "Not right now, but when he gets back. When he has calmed down, you have to sit down and have a conversation with him." He raises an eyebrow.
        "Is this what kissing you will get me?"
        "Me making you make amends with people? Probably." I reply. "Is it worth it, you think?" There's a moments pause before he leans forward, pressing his lips softly to mine again. He pulls back just a fraction, whispering against my lips.
        "I believe so."