In The Shadows | Loki

A PART OF ME IS GONE

"Loki-"
        "I said no, Captain. She's still sleeping, she's been through hell, and I am not letting you wake her up just to put her through more." The voices are quiet, but just loud enough to cause me to stir. 
        "Bruce said that he needs to get her in the lab before the serum is out of her system." 
        "Tell Banner to get the cure from that woman."
        "Loki, we need to-"
        "You don't need anything. Ophelia needs rest, and I won't have you ruining that." Loki hisses. "Go and tell your team that." I hear Steve let out a long breath, and for a few heartbeats there's silence. 
        "She's okay?" Steve finally asks, more concerned than what had been happening before. "Right?"
        "Physically, yes." Loki replies, tone still cold. "Like I said, she's been through hell." Some sort of silent exchange must go down, because it's only after a minute that I hear the click of a door closing, and silence returns. I open my eyes when I feel the bed dip, and thankfully I don't have to adjust to much, the room already mostly dark. 
        "How long have you been awake?" Loki murmurs, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear. I was under the covers on the bed, which was interesting considering I cried myself out on his shoulder, falling asleep quickly after. He must have moved me. 
        "Only a minute." I reply, tugging on the duvet a little tighter around me. "You could've woken me when Steve-"
        "No." I'm a little surprised that his response is so resolute with me. "Ophelia, no. You can take a day to heal. You need time before they all subject you to testing and who knows what else." I look up at him, sincerity written across his features, and it's only once he says it that I realize how much I want just that. I want time. I want to be alone with Loki so I can just breathe and exist with no one needing me for anything. It's so selfish to want that, knowing that everyone out there is worried about me.
        "Can you tell everyone I'm alright?" I ask quietly, clearly surprising Loki with my quick acceptance. "And get some food?" He blinks once before speaking, still surprised.
        "Of course." He murmurs, quickly standing. "I'll be right back." I nod, siting up.
        "I'm going to take a shower. I feel disgusting." I really did. I hadn't showered since I had been kidnapped, and I was too preoccupied with getting back and crying last night to even think about it. I couldn't imagine how bad I smelled. Loki simply nods once, and I wait until he slips out of the door to actually pull myself to my feet. I walk into the bathroom, shedding my clothes and staring at them for only a moment before tossing them in the tiny trash can next to the toilet. I would rather not see them again.
        I almost cry again when I turn the shower on and the hot water hits my skin. If I wasn't so dehydrated from crying out last night, I probably would have. I stand there, letting the water run over my body for a few minutes before even thinking about shampoo. I'm not sure how long I end up taking in the shower, only that the bathroom is filled with steam, and my skin is pink from the heat. I grab a towel from the rack, quickly wrapping it around myself to go grab some clothes. I was a bit surprised that Loki wasn't back yet, but I didn't let it bother me as I pulled on some pajamas. He had likely been stopped, or there was an argument going on. Whatever it was, I wasn't leaving this room unless it was life or death. 
        I end up changing the sheets and blankets on the bed when I realize how badly they smell, cringing when I realize that the smell had originally come from me. It didn't take long, and I end up curled underneath the new blankets, feeling oddly alright just laying here. The quiet, the sense of peace, it was nice. Calming. I hadn't felt like this in so long. 
        The door opens quietly, and I see Loki walk in, focusing on not spilling the tray piled high with food and two glasses of water. I watch as he carefully sets it down on my desk, shuts the door, then turns to look at me. I send him a small, weak smile from my pile of blankets, and a fond smile appears on his lips. 
        "Feel better?" He asks, and I nod. He watches as I lift the blankets a little, a silent offer to have him lay down beside me. He takes it, and I watch as his clothes change magically from a casual outfit to what seemed to be the Asgardian version of pajamas. Loki slips under the blanket next to me, settling down with ease.
        "How much grief did they give you?" I ask quietly. 
        "They aren't pleased, but they will live." He replies with a quiet chuckle. "They can focus on getting the children to their parents or to the school. Tomorrow they'll focus on you." I nod silently, knowing that this time was all I should ask for. "How are you doing, love?" He asks, quietly, carefully. I'm quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of my chaotic thoughts. I wouldn't lie and say everything was fine. I couldn't, not to Loki. 
        "It's... It's weird." I finally say. "I spent so much of my time resenting my powers. They were the reason my parents labeled me a freak, why they kicked me out. I was on the streets because I had this power I couldn't control. Even when Xavier found me, I was weird because of how powerful I was. Everyone feared me." I take a deep breath, trying to let it out without breaking like I had last night. "Even at SHIELD, I was more of a weapon than a person in most people's eyes, save for Clint, Nat, and Coulson. Then you happened, and I became a part of this team, and I fell in love with you, and I just... I didn't feel like a freak. I was comfortable with my powers for the first time in my life, and now they've been ripped away from me. I just... I don't know what to do." I press my lips together, but Loki doesn't speak, giving me the time I need to continue. "A part of me is gone, and I feel like I'm less than I was before, and I don't know how to handle it."
        "Love," He murmurs, cupping my face with one hand, his thumb lightly brushing my cheek, "you aren't less than you were. You're strong. You always have been, you always will be. This... This is just another challenge put in your path, and you aren't alone anymore. You have me to lean on now, and I will take some of the load from your shoulders if you just let me. You don't have to be strong around me." I nod silently, scooting a little closer to him, taking his words to heart as I rest my head on his chest. I feel one of his hands run through my damp hair, attempting to sooth me. 
        The silence is interrupted by my stomach letting out a loud gurgle, and Loki chuckling. 
        "Food?" He asks, flicking his wrist and bringing the tray over with magic before I can answer. I grab a sandwich, taking a bite with a grateful nod. 
        "Guess it's time for me to learn how to be human again." 
        "That can wait until tomorrow as well, I think." Loki murmurs, grabbing a sandwich himself. I let out a small snort of laughter.
        "I suppose so."