more than you know • mileven

three.

el arrived home after a very very long day. she knew one of the reasons why she was so tired was because she didn't take her medication.

was not a very smart choice.

not that she had long anyways if she didn't start taking care of herself better.

arrhythmia.

her mother had it and died from it and now she does.

she knew she did and having an ongoing eating disorder was definitely not helping her case.

storm greeted her by the door, circling her legs happily as el walked through into the house.

"hey storm." el said weakly and picked her up.

she hasn't eaten today and her heart definitely did not feel good.

"kid, you home?" hopper asks from the kitchen as el sets her bag down and answers, "yeah. yeah, i'm home."

"great, i made burritos but you better be quick before i eat them all." he says with a laugh.

she smiles weakly, "i'll get changed first." she puts storm down and makes her way upstairs slowly.

"fuck," she mumbles to herself and grabs onto the railings once she feels her legs slowly give out.

this wasn't the first time. she just needed to wait for this moment to pass and she should be fine.

storm walks upstairs and sits herself on el's lap.

"i'm fine, storm." she manages to mumble, "go eat." she points downstairs as storm whines quietly.

"go on.." el pets her head as storm listens and starts to walk back downstairs.

"el, the burritos aren't gonna wait for you!" hopper sings as el smiles weakly and finally stands up again, "wait a second." she calls out and slowly walks to her room to get changed into something more comfortable.

she changes into her pyjama set, a bear pattered blouse and pants and then walks downstairs to eat dinner with hop.

as she arrived into the kitchen, she sat down on the stool in front of him and waited for storm to push her bowl into the kitchen like usual and sit besides them on the floor.

"how was school?" hopper asks as el plays around with her food, "fine."

"el, look at me." he says.

"i am fine." she denies, "school was fine. everything was fine. i am bloody fine."

"okay." he nods, "okay." he whispers and reaches over to ruffle her hair.

peeling off a small bit of her burrito, she holds it on her palm and holds it out to storm.

quickly, she goes to lick it as el smiles softly, "good girl." she scratches her ear as storm hugs her hand once she was done.

"c'mere." el pulls her hand back as storm holds tighter and follows her hand up like it was an elevator.

"you know, doctor davis called." hopper says as el sets storm on her lap without paying much attention.

"she said you missed your appointment yesterday."

"i'm fine. i don't need to go." el mumbles and avoids his gaze.

"el, you have to—"

"i don't." el snaps her head up, "i won't get any better, dad. it doesn't matter at all."

"kid, don't say that. she said your symptoms are all under control with your medication and if you just simp—"

"take care of myself? i am trying but it's just never enough for you guys." she says quietly, "i'm really trying, okay?"

"i know you are. i never said you weren't and it's enough, el. you just have to go to your checkups." he says, "it's for the best."

"she says i'm losing too much weight." el mumbles, "like i don't know myself. says if i want to live then i need to eat."

"i can't eat." she whispers, "i-i just can't."

"okay—"

"she says i don't have long if i keep up this up." el cuts him off and focuses on storm in her lap, "she says i'll go into ventricular fibrillation with all the stress. but i can't stop the stress and the pain. i can't just put pause on it."

el wipes her cheeks with the back of her wrist, "it's whatever. it's not like dying is that bad."

"el—"

"can we talk about something else? l-like if i wasn't dying i'd probably change to be a english major instead." she chuckles quietly, "science is so hard. but hey, at least i aced my test." she shrugs.

"i'm very proud of you, kid." he smiles at her as she nods, "thanks dad."

☁︎

"there's no fucking way that is wrong." mike points to the paper that el was marking for him.

she ignores him and continues.

"and that too!" he cries out besides her as she gulps, "i— it's not entirely wrong. i-i'll put a tick with a... with a cross." she whispers as he sighs and shakes his head, "whatever it's wrong."

she nods and continues and once she was done, she handed the paper back to him.

"we can.." she takes a deep breath, "we can go over it if you want."

"yeah, please. i'd love to fucking know why the hell my shit is wrong." he grumbles as she plays with the end of her sleeves.

"it's not.. your knowledge is correct but, but you mixed it up. your spelling for it is also wrong." she explains.

"well, i don't think spelling matters." he says as she nods, "right, okay, i won't count it then." she says quietly, hoping he wasn't mad about it.

"yeah whatever, i suck at this all anyways." he says.

"all this." she corrects quietly to herself as he glares at her, "i'm calling it a day. this is bullshit, i can't do it."

"oh." was she not helping enough? did she say something wrong?

"mhm, i'm tired." he packs up his stuff as she stays put and nods, "right."

"you leaving?" he asks and stands up as she shakes her head, "no, i'll stay for a while."

"you sure?" he asks as she smiles weakly, "yeah. i'll be fine."

"so.. here tomorrow?"

slowly, she shakes her head.

"i can't tomorrow. the day after?" she asks him as he nods slowly, "sure, alright. i'll just do your questions tomorrow then."

she nods, "you can text me if you don't understand something."

"if you answer." he mumbles as she sinks down in her seat, "i'm sorry."

"not that i'm blaming you, by the way. you just answered my text like 4 hours later when i was asleep—"

"you sleep at 11?" she asks, then realised that she cut him off, "i'm sorry, continue."

he shakes his head with a smile, "nothing, it's fine. see you on thursday." he walks off as she stares down at her work.

"and el?" he calls out as she looks up and hums, "yes?"

"thanks for the help today." he winks and walks out of the library.