False Confidence

11

I have a weird habit of reading upside down. I can't tell you how or when it started but it is a habit I can't seem to let go of, lying on my back I usually lean over the back of the bed, head hanging down and book covering my face. So I do not see the high heeled toes that are stepping into the room or the little ones silently plodding over on my carpeted floors. Suddenly the book is pulled away from my face.

"Ook?" I grin at the upside down version of little Emma, who shakes and drops the book on the floor with a thud as her attention is drawn to the sweet hanging from my lips. Before I can move her little hand grabs the sweet and tugs "Sweeties!" 

I make a muffled groan and release the sweet, causing her to fall on her bum from momentum  but despite my instant panic that I hurt her and her mothers huff of disapproval Emma is not stopped in her mission of attaining a sugary treat and promptly shoves the sweet in her mouth. I guess kids do not care about germs and sharing saliva with strangers huh?

"Emma, you can't do that!" I hear the disbelief in Alena's voice and flip so I am facing the right way up as Alena looks almost apologetic. 

"It is fine, I have plenty where that came from." I tell Alena, gesturing to where she knows I have a sweet cupboard.

"That is not the point, Harper." Oh, whoops. It seems like I just keep making one mistake after another. "Emma, you are not allowed to take things without asking!" She admonishes her child, who clearly is not at all regretting her decision when she opens her palm skyward and extending it a bit looks at me "More Pwease?"  

Alena all but face palms as I try my best to hide a grin. Noticing the two are dressed up I frown "Where you guys going?" I regret it when Alena raises an eyebrows, seemingly to remind me that she does not need to answer to me. Ever. "I mean, you look all nice." I correct and I swear I see a tinge of red on her cheek bones, but that might also be because she is currently wearing makeup. Clothed in skinny jeans and a fluffy jacket over a plaid shirt and her high heeled boots she looks every bit the put together young mom I know she is trying to portray. Alena is in a cute unicorn dress with leggings and booties. I notice it is one of the outfits we folded earlier. She is even sporting a new jacket my mom got for her. They both look like a catalogue pair. I remember that I have yet to get out of my Pj's and currently look as homeless as they come. 

"Emma's friend has a birthday party." She says leaning over to pick Emma up. 

Last night Alena told me that Emma goes to a preschool during the day so she can do school etc, which makes a lot of sense. Apparently her parents pay for that as well. So I guess they are still contributing a little. 

"Oh cool, kid parties are so cute!" I say, a little envious of their plans because I have nothing to do except wait for Harriet to get home later and potentially shower now. I finished all my weekend work yesterday when they were napping and I am beginning to feel the dreary friend of boredom. Apparently Steve is still at Spencer's house so there is no way I am going there. Another option is to wonder the mall. Perking up I smile at Alena "Can you drop m off at the mall?" the mall is a five minute drive from my house and with the way the town is set up, unless Emma's friend lives in this small community I assume she will be going past it.

"Why do you need to go to the mall?" 

"Because I am bored and Sarah's birthday is coming up and I want ice-cream." I say grinning happily at the idea "Please." I try give my best puppy eyes and with a sigh I know I have won the battle. "Okay it will take me like two seconds to change!" I say running into my closest. 

"You need to shower!" She calls after me and I think she has collapsed on my bed, to confirm I glance around the closest door after pulling on a sports bra. I grin at her, she looks comfortable leaning against the head board. Emma has crawled off her lap and is fiddling with my bedside tables gadgets. I have a lot of fiddle toys there because sometimes they help me fall asleep when my mind is racing, or just give my fingers something to do when I am reading.  Remembering what I have hidden in the draw I quickly make my way over. Out of the corner of my eye I see Alena's eyes go wide that I am in in just a sports bra and pj shorts, I get a slight thrill when her gaze shifts to focus on the wall. 

"Look little Emma." I say happily, pulling the draw open and giving her my mini collection of plushies. They are all little vegetables and I  love them because they are so soft and squishy. Grinning when she sits on the bed to look at them I all but skip back to the cupboard.

"You are such a kid," Spinning I see Alena eyeing my collection with raised eyebrows, she lifts one before Emma takes it back and shakes her head. "You have more toys than Emma."

I shrug ducking to find a shirt, I find Spencer's old Swimming team shirt and pull it on, quickly changing into jeans and pulling a hoodie over. Spraying myself with perfume I stole from Harriet I present myself into the room, yanking on my converse. "I am ready."

I quickly tell my parents were I am heading and they nod, waving us all out and leaving them once more with an empty house. 

"So who is Emma's friend?" I ask casually leaning in her passengers seat 

"A little girl named Georgie ." 

"Cute," I grin "How is it with the other mothers?"

She shrugs but by the tightening of her hands on the wheel and the discomfort in her frown I can tell it isn't fun for her. "Why do you go then?"

If she is shocked that I figured her out she doesn't show it "Because Emma needs friends."

"I am sure there are nicer people who she can be friends with." I insist as she shifts gears and turn a road closer to the mall, driving shift is cool but she makes it hot. My eyes drawn to her hand flexing and relaxing with the movement. Her fingers are long and delicate. I swallow. What was I talking about again? Oh, yes. "I mean like Spencer has a sister-"I wrinkle my nose "Actually don't try be friends there, Beth is a brat who prefers Harriet." 

Alena scoffs as if to say she understands why and I scowl before continuing the conversation "So what do the other mothers do?" Somehow I doubt it is the mini people's issues that bug Alena. 

She shrugs, shifting gears again "They are just, well trying to be helpful."

"Sure," I drag out "Because you love having people help you."

"In the beginning, when Emma started at the school it was nice to have them around because they knew things that I didn't and would help me out if I couldn't fetch her on time or was having a rough day but now they just seem to want to be involved, all the time."

"You were pretty alone when you had Emma?" Her face closes, almost drawn and I slightly regret the answer as she slips back into the past for a minute before shaking herself out of it.

"My aunt is wealthy, so I had everything I needed." 

"Not what I asked."

"We are here." Her stiff voice says pulling up at the drop off zone. "I will collect you around 1?"

"Sure," I shrug leaning over to wave at Emma who still has my avocado plushie squished in her hands "If you want to get away from the hell zone you know were to find me." I grin at her before easily slipping out the car and waving them away. One step forward and a millions back with her.