False Confidence

23

"Huh?" My chest is ice as Harriet grunts at me and shifts in the dark. Did she hear that? I mean my door is pretty thick and Alena was whispering but- I pause trying to adjust to the dark. I wait for her to say something.

"You are lying on my leg, is Steve that good a kisser that you lost all sense of sight." I let out a shaky breath she did not hear.

"How come you are in my bed?"

"Spencer is staying over." Our parents make them sleep in separate rooms, when they know Spencer is sleeping over and honestly both of them adhere to it. "So how was it?"

"Fun." I say collapsing next to her "I beat him at every game and ate a lot of candy." I can hear her eyeroll. "I also realised that I do not like Steve romantically." I do not say how I realised this or why. Same reason I want to keep Alena a secret, just for now while I navigate it.

"You are hopeless, how are we going to have babies together if you can't find a partner?" I frown into the darkness. What?

"Are you pregnant?"

"Do not be stupid Harper," She snaps and I shrug so she can feel it "I told you I would tell you when I go all the way." I find it hard to believe that they have not yet made it to all the bases. "I just mean that we can have children at the same time later on if you are in a committed relationship."

"Who says I want children?"

"Please, you love them. I see you with Emma." I smile at the mention of Emma. With Emma it comes easily but with kids like Bethany it is stagnant and difficult to get on.

"I love Emma, there is a difference."

"So you do not want children?" I try think about it, imagining me with a husband some day and children and it doesn't bode well, then I picture Alena pregnant and fat , I honestly need to get over that image, and I grin.

"Maybe."

She sighs into the Dark "I think I want to name my boy Westly or Knox and then if I have a girl, something like Delilah or Daisy. "

"Spencer is going to medical school, That is like ten years in the future."

"We do not have to wait that long , I do not want to be thirty when I have my first kid."

I sigh, sinking further into the comforter. "Sometimes I wonder if we are related never mind twins."

"Please, we are identical." We giggle at her joke and I move over to hug her, squeezing her tight.

"I love you Harriet ."

"Same to you Harper."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It is freezing outside and dad has me running from the shed inside so he can light the fire. Alena has a stuffy nose from yesterday when we all went out to the park so my parents refuse to have her running in the cold in fear she is too sick for tomorrow's school day. My hands are ice blocks by the time he finally deems there is enough wood to last through the evening. Emma is watching at a safe distance in fascination as my dad builds a fire. I rub my hands together collapsing next to Alena. My mom and Harriet are out visiting a family friend.

"It is bloody cold out there." I hiss trying to warm my hands out "I will not be surprised if it snows soon. "

"Your service is noted." Dad says without even glancing my way , I settle further into the couch, content to watch the fires progression and Emma's fascination with it. I am taken out of my reflection when warm hands encompass mine, long, tanned fingers rub my palms. My cheeks are flushed as I glance into fiery eyes. They heat me up from the inside. All too soon my hands are declared warm enough and I sink further into the fabric, wondering if I need to go back outside to cool down.

"Hot chocolate?" Dad asks the room.

"I can make it." Alena jumps up, probably wanting to be useful since my father told her to stay inside. She makes her way to the kitchen, Emma glances after her mother but instead of trailing after her she sticks her fingers in her mouth, content in her previous activity resumes fire monitoring. My dad is talking to her in a soft voice and I do not always hear what he is saying but she is listening intently.

"That is huge!" I comment at the fire which seems to reach all the walls of the fire place.

"I might be a little fire crazy.' Dad says chuckling, moving away and picking Emma up along the way, she does not protest as he settles her on the couch next to me and takes the armchair, pulling out his book to resume reading. I pull out my own one and hand Emma hers. She is more interested in resting her head on my lap and staring at the fire. I do not blame her the colours and warmth is mesmerizing.

Alena comes in with a tray of hot chocolate for the adults and some milk for Emma in her sippy cup. There is also a little bowl of ginger biscuits they made yesterday. By they I mean Emma and my mom. "Thanks." I grin wrapping my hands around the drink and taking a satisfying sip, the warmth and chocolate goodness exploding in my mouth.

"Here Baby." Alena hands Emma her sippy cup and the toddler happily remains laying in my lap as she sips her milk. Alena pulls her laptop towards her, she is working on a essay we have due next week. I finished yesterday while they were one their run and Emma was in the kitchen with my mom.

"Need help?" I ask smiling innocently at her and she shakes her head. Shrugging I pull my book back to read. So comforted in the position and the little girl dozing off I follow suit. Waking up when I hear mom and Harriet's voices. The fire is still going. Alena is playing blocks on the rug with Emma and my dad is reading. I slept for two hours like this. My neck feels like it.

"Sarah is calling you." Harriet points to my phone on the coffee table, which indeed is lighting up with Sarah's face. "Why would she be calling you?"

"Because I am her favourite twin." I say reaching towards the phone and swiping it. "Sup buttercup?"

"Did you or did you not go on a date with Steve without informing me, have you had your first kiss yet?!" I choke as her words are audible to the whole living room who look at me in amusement, shock and curiosity.

"Sarah, what the heck!" I glare at Harriet who shrugs.

"Well, spill the details."

"No." I say hanging up and tossing my phone onto the couch. "I swear Harriet I am going to murder you-"

"Wait you have had your first kiss?!" Mom all but squeals "With Steve." My eyes are moving frantically around the room, moms ecstatic face, dads amusement, Harriet's question and finally to Alena. I can't quite make out the expression on her face, something of shock and curiosity. I suppose I did not tell her that she was my first kiss. This whole situation is wild. Cheeks heating up I shrug.

"Not with Steve." I did not mean for it to come out like that and now they want to know with who. I catch Alena's look before shrugging and saying I do not kiss and tell. They are not satisfied but I am more curious as to the fact that Alena seems very intent on looking at the blocks on the carpet instead of everyone else in the room.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me when you first kissed Spencer, three years ago!" I counter and she clamps her mouth shut. Yeah, two can play that game.

"Girls," Dads tone warns us not to get into something now and so I shut it down. Focusing on the fire as the room sizzles down. I want to tell Harriet, but everything is so new I do not want to jinx it.

Besides Alena said her last relationship was with Emma's father and so I am not sure that she is comfortable with having the fact that she kissed me. The crazy girl she lives with out in the open.