False Confidence

16

"Mama come!" Something moves, besides the banjo playing in my head and there is a dip, something lands heavily on my lower back. "Mama!" The words filter somewhere in my brain but I ignore them, moving my head under the pillow more so it is muffled and I can slip back to sleep.

"Har-pa!" Something is tugging at the pillow over my head. "Har-pa, pay 'ith me!" Thrusting an arm out I connect with the small mound of flesh and wriggle my fingers. The pile giggles.

"No ma'am!" I smile despite the fact that I do not want to open my eyes, having forgotten to close the curtains. The sun is streaming through the room and I can feel its harsh caress on my face. moving my head Ii pull the pillow over my head once more but the toddler clearly is not impressed with my game of hide and seek. "Har-pa!" Her voice is louder, I squeeze my eyes tight as the throbbing continues in my skull. pressing my face against the white sheet in the hopes it will consume me.

"Go wake your mom!" I groan, curling into a ball and trying my best to keep sleeping.

Suddenly the pillow is moved and I feel the little minty breath on my cheek as the finger comes and pokes my cheeks. "'ake up, Har-pa!"

"No." I groan in a dark voice but she is not deterred. "I am sleeping."

"Mama!" I hear her noise of complaint as something lands heavily on my back, I feel her little body stretch out on the top of my back, wriggling a bit more settling down. "Mamma, Har-pa s'eepin." The weight on my back is not crushing but it is enough that I can't just forget about it.

"I know baby, come let's go for a walk." Alena's voice is softer than a whisper but it is sweeter than usual. Gentle. My stomach somersaults as the bangs get worse in my skull. She must have been here this whole time.

"No." The little voice is hard and as if she feels that she can anchor herself to my back her body shimmies into it further. "Har-ap 'ak up!" Her voice is more muffled and I imagine her hands are in her mouth again.

"Baby, you can't wake her up, she is sleeping."

"Yes, I 'an!" Her insistence is clear in her voice and I hear Alena's sigh.

"Harper, just wake up."

"No." I insist after some silence "My head hurts."

"There is Advil on your bedside table." that gets me squinting which is quickly followed by a little finger in my vision and a squishy face, eyes big.

"'ake up Har-pa." Her voice is sweet, nothing to reflect the little demon she truly is. "Pay?"

I groan and she giggles as if this is hilarious. She moves off my back so I am able to twist and look over at her mom. She doesn't look like she is hungover. In fact she looks like she just went on a run, her long hair is braided down her back, clad in black tights and a top, her cheeks tinted pink. Crossing her arms awkwardly thanks to her cast she raises an eyebrow at me and I merely grin. Aware that I probably look like a train wreck. My hair, which on a normal day sticks up is probably like a lion's mane around my face. If a lion had curls instead of straight majestic hair. I am only glad I managed to brush my teeth last night so my morning breath is not stale alcohol.

Spotting the Advil I quickly maneuver myself, fully aware I am in nothing but a sports bra and underwear and pulling the cover up to my higher waist I glug down the water and Advil. Emma climbs onto my lap and kneels, places her small hands on my cheeks and squeezes. "Pay now, Har-pa!"

"Demanding much." I tell the toddler who looks at me with eyes wide and pleading. I look over to her mom who shrugs.

"I tried to get her to leave you alone but she insisted, your own fault for telling her she can come in and play anytime." I see our kiss hasn't changed her much. At the thought of the mind altering kiss I grin at her innocently, I hope.

"Come here." Clearly she is suspicious of my sudden good mood and raises her eyebrows. "Come on."

"No," Her plait flips over her shoulder with the shake of her head " I need a shower." With that, a pointed look at me then her daughter disappears out the room. Trusting me with Emma in a way she would not have done a few weeks ago. It warms my heart. My mom comes past a second later and I grin at her innocently.

"Morning mom."

"It is the afternoon, Harper." I see she is not impressed that last night coming home I tripped on the stairs and woke the whole house up. Harriet and Alena were able to hide their intoxication but me, with the memory of the kiss, was as high as a kite in July. I got the whole 'at least have the dignity to try hide it' speech before telling me tomorrow I am cleaning out the attic and getting down all the thanksgiving decorations. With the pounding in my head that is not going to be a fun task. "I want the decorations down before dinner." She leaves and I pout, clearly her memory serves her well.

"Pay?" Emma tilts her head looking at me with those imploring eyes.

"Let me get dressed,." Yes, I managed to shower last night and I am grateful to Harriet's forethought on the matter last night. I leave her on the bed, fiddling with my phone as I gather a baggy t-shirt and sweats, gathering my hair into a top knot and quickly heading to wash my face and brush my teeth. Emma has managed to get the camera and is clicking away. Toddlers these days know more about technology than health.

"Want to help me get the Thanksgiving decorations out?" I ask the little girl who only looks at me. "Boo!" I tell her theatrically and she smiles at me, lifting her arms to indicate she wants to be carried. I lift her up and she tugs at my earlobe "Ow, Emma."

Shoving her hands in her mouth she looks at me with a frown. "That hurt." I say more gently before carrying her to the entrance of the attic. Food is the last thing on my mind so I decide to just get on with the chore. Reaching up I pull at the string and the stair ladder descends. Our attic is all reinforced and safe, my parents made sure of it when after using it as a constant hiding place I fell through the ceiling. Luckily I was able to grab hold until my dad rushed and caught me. It was something from a movie scene. But ever since then the attic has been made safe enough to have a bedroom up there, if you really wished it.

"Cool ha?" I ask the kid who watches it. "Okay hold on tight." I tell her before using one arm to climb up, she squeals and grabs onto my neck.

Placing her down I told tightly on her hand as I led her over to where all the boxes are. We have tons of decorations, my parents love the holidays. "Look at the turkey!" I show the giant turkey that my mom usually places on our front porch, as if anyone in America can forget about thanksgiving. She reminds them. Emma Squawks and points at the bird.

"Yuck!" I laugh because the description is accurate. I used to be equally as freaked out when I was a kid. My mom told me to get used to it. But the horror of seeing the giant turkey never really fades.

I get the little Girl to hold onto my leg as I shift boxes, although she seems too interested in what is in them to be truly concerned about exploring the opening in the floor. Pushing aside my nausea I unpack tones of golden and orange leaves, all the things that can be chucked I let fall through the hole. Getting Harriet trapped in one, she laughs when she sees Emma laughing from above her and comes to join us. Unlike me she woke up long ago and apparently went on a run with Alena. She is freshly showered and says that Spencer is coming over later to help decorate. I am happy because I am bursting to tell someone about last night and Spencer is just the person. I will steal him away from Harriet if I need to, best friends before hoes and all. Harriet keeps hold of Emma as I carry all the boxes down. Once we are finished she passes Emma down. I am surprised Alena has not made an appearance, usually she is wherever Emma is. Maybe her hangover is not as okay as she made it seem.

With the 'help' of the toddler we manage to get all the boxes down, Emma happily occupied with the twists of fake leaves while I distribute the decorations the way I know my mother likes. At least this is not as bad as being grounded or having my phone taken away. Besides, Harriet loves holidays like the rest of us so she is happily helping.