Young Love // Tommyinnit x reader

Chapter 16

Continuation from chapter 15
Shit gets deep at the start

Tw: Talk of panic attack, Detailed Self harm
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"You wanna stay in here for a bit?" I asked, still holding him close to me. "Um y-yeah thanks. I don't know what happened" He stuttered out, lying back down next to me. "It was just a nightmare." He muttered.

"Do you wanna talk about it? It might help." I asked, grabbing hold of his hand as he nodded. "Um, We- We were fighting, and um, you left and drove off." He said nervously. "Tom how the fuck would i have driven off? I'm 15!" I laughed. "Mhm. And then you um, got into a crash. You um, You died."

I could see tears starting to form in his eyes again as I hugged him. "Tom, I can't drive and I really can't think of a reason that I would ever fight with you really." I tried my best to comfort him until he spoke again.

"What's even wrong with me? Like what the fuck happened?" He looked over at me quizzically. "You had a panic attack. It's pretty normal, I mean, I get them too sometimes." I told him. "There's nothing wrong with you, Tom. When you care about someone, your mind can create false realities about that person to torture you."

"Why though? If I care about them, why is my brain trying to hurt me?" He asked, confused. "Well sometimes, your brain can just automatically go straight to the worst possibility and when your asleep, you have no control over it, so you can't try and stop it. (hence why it's 3am and i'm still awake) It can get annoying after a while of it but you can learn to get used to it. That nightmare, is NEVER going to come true. Trust me." I explained

"This is bullshit." He laughed as i agreed. We stayed in my room for like another hour just talking until Tommy felt good enough to go out. We decided that we were going to convince everyone to come out with us to a shopping centre with us for the day.

"Oi! Dickheads!" I shouted as we ran down the stairs. "LANGUAGE!" Bad shouted back. "Yeah yeah whatever, We're going out i don't care what you say. You have 30 minutes to get ready then we're going to the Mall. I said the last word in an American accent, making most people laugh.

"Alright, fine." George said, Getting up and heading to his room. I ran back upstairs as well, remembering that i had forgotten my phone. I caught a glimpse of the blades that were still in my suitcase. I wasn't even sure why i brought them. I had been clean for months.

The sudden urge to do it again came back, 100 times stronger than before. I was already wearing a hoodie so nobody would question anything. I slowly grabbed them and started making quick, deep slashes on my arms. You wouldn't think there was any room but I would always manage to find another place.

1 cut
2 cuts
5
7

I was in tears by this point, wondering where it had gone wrong. I grabbed some bandages from the bathroom cabinet and began to fix up my wrists a little. It had helped with the stress i was feeling to some degree but i knew that it would never be able to happen again.

I took my phone from the bedside table and carefully went back into the main room, trying not to hit my arm on anything. My entire arm was almost numb, it kind of tingled in a way that i was more than used to. If i was going to be honest, it felt good to feel that again.

I tried to ignore the stinging pain in my arm and act like nothing had happened.
By about 11:30, everyone was ready to leave. We had decided to walk as it wasn't that far away from the hotel.

-

Soon enough we were at the shopping centre. Me, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Niki and Wilbur went off in one group and everyone else went somewhere random; probably to the food places. Me and Niki wanted Starbucks and Tommy said that he was going to pay if we got it so we decided that we would.

We spent a few hours at the shop until we decided to regroup and head back home. We all wanted to just spend as much time together as we could before everyone had to go home.

George, being his usual self, decided to buy a Nintendo switch and a bunch of games and controllers so we could all play. By the time everyone had gotten bored if it, I was pretty tired. Tommy said that he had to go and film another Mod video with Wilbur and Tubbo.

I changed my bandages and hoodie before carefully getting into bed and quickly falling asleep.
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1. covid vaccines hurt (i got mine yesterday)

2. trauma dumping in books is fun

3. I am 100% not fine but this is fun

4. Go drink water and eat food