Professor of Love [SLOW UPDATES]

Clean Up What I Messed Up

Beyoncé

What did I do, what THE FUCK did I do?!

Gee, good job Bey, way to fuck up things to the point of no return. I've never felt so low, so embarrassed, so disgusted with myself. As a result, I was currently sitting at the local bar, drowning my sorrows in poorly made Old Cubans since I was in a bar and not the upscale club I went to for my birthday. The bartender didn't even know what it was, I had to tell him what was in it. Even though it wasn't the same as the one I was used to, at least this bartender had a heavy ass hand when it came to the rum, which helped numb the pain of my stupidity, so I wasn't complaining. However, after the fourth drink, the mint had my mouth feeling like I drank back to back shots of peppermint mouthwash so I just settled for the rum, straight. My body felt like it was on fire from the heat of the alcohol, but hey, after the day I've had I felt like I was in hell, so it was befitting.

After the disaster that was my first class I just went back to my office to sulk and beat myself up because of my foolish actions. I didn't bother to follow through with my threat; it wouldn't have worked anyway because the university required students to be in class at least 30 minutes of 50 minute classes and an hour of longer classes to count for a class period. It was well over the 30 minute mark so although it was rather uncouth of them to have left the way they did, they were still justified, and it wouldn't have been penalizing to them. Besides, after the way I acted today it would have been hypocritical as fuck to penalize them, when I was dead ass wrong.

"Another one please, and make it a double," I asked of the bartender and he gave me a slight disapproving look but said nothing as he went to make the drinks.

I sighed deeply as I thought about what happened earlier. After my sulking I had made the decision in my mind to apologize to Michelle the second I saw her, and I was hoping and praying and wishing on a star that she would forgive me, but when it was time for my second class, she never showed up, which heightened my anxiety and shame exponentially. As much as I tried to pull it off and pretend that everything was fine, I just couldn't seem to shake myself out of my funk, so after thirty minutes of teaching my lecture I ended class early. Thankfully even though Michelle didn't come to class, Kierra did, and I knew that they were particularly close so once I dismissed class I asked her to stay behind so I could talk to her and try to find out what was going on as well as possibly ask to get a way to contact her. I desperately needed to make things right and apologize. For me to be a sociologist, I was doing a shit job of exhibiting those qualities.

Flashback...

"Um, Kierra, can you stay back for a second?" I asked as my students began to leave once I dismissed them for the day. She timidly nodded, not saying anything as she finished gathering and putting away her belongings into her bag, and once she finished she got up and came up to my desk. Once the last student left I gave her a sad smile that I'm sure still held all the shame I was currently feeling, "Let's go to my office and talk there," I suggested and she said ok. I grabbed my bag and we exited the classroom, closing the door behind us as we quietly walked to my office. Thankfully it was right down the hall so the silence wasn't too awkward, even though it was still incredibly awkward.