Mrinalini♦

19. Touches

"Some touches incite emotions that bring warmth to the heart, but there can be touches that imprint on your mind, the memories of which become your worst enemy in the dark."

-Elegiac_Damsel.

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4th November

Third person's point of view:

Kolkata, The City of Joy.

Nature has always been sensitive to external stimuli. Touch, warmth, light, and sound are a few common stimulants.

The lotus is sensitive to the rays of the sun, while the touch-me-not is sensitive to touch. The sunflower is said to grow in the direction of the sunlight, thus showcasing its sensitivity to light. Humans, like every other living organism, are sensitive to various kinds of stimuli, especially touch. One reacts to a brush of fingers, to a gentle caress, and a rough grope. Unwanted touches warrant unpleasant reactions, while touches that do not offend command a smile, a nod, a shake of the head, or some kind of reciprocation.

Haphephobia, the fear of being touched, is a condition characterised by excessive reactions and anxiety at the prospect of being touched.

Erotophobia is the fear of being touched sexually, irrespective of intention, be it love or abuse. It is a condition that is a specialised version of haphephobia, usually associated with traumatic experiences and past cases of sexual abuse or assault. Characterised by fits, violent or silent, at being touched intimately, hyperventilation, and panic attacks, it isn't uncommon for humans to react with great aversion and protest when their instincts are triggered at the prospect of any potential sexual encounter. The degree of any dread, sickness, or phobia varies from person to person.

For Mrinalini, it was something new, something that brought her anxiety and caused her restlessness.

Debarghya hadn't brought up the subject of sexual intimacy or their imminent marital consummation in over two weeks since the last time he tried speaking to Mrinalini. Given their difference in age and virtual unfamiliarity, broaching the topic of intimacy or affection vocally had been awkward. In an attempt to bridge the gaps, they had avoided voicing their respective concerns or opinions, taking things at their own pace.

Mrinalini, like every other newly married young woman, had qualms about being intimate with a man she hardly knew, but she wasn't afraid of pushing their relationship to the next level. To overcome her inhibitions and to prepare herself for married life, she had initially resorted to reading blogs and experiences of other women online who had been in an arranged matrimonial match. There had been mixed responses and replies that had given her some hope that things wouldn't be too awkward or difficult if they connected as individuals, but her mother's painful revelation had left her stunned and traumatised.

Despite the gentleness in his touch, irrespective of the intention, she would often react severely if his actions started getting even remotely intimate. They shared physical closeness, but she never allowed him to touch her below the waist. They had attempted to take things further, but the moment his hand had let go of her hand or belly, inching towards her nether parts, she would inevitably become still, her limbs would become lax, silent tears of protest glistening in her eyes, her breath quickening, the sudden change in her demeanour causing the moment to break, silently begging him to step aside.

Debarghya never failed to comply with her wishes. He never pushed her beyond what she was comfortable with. Mrinalini felt grateful to that part of him that respected her comfort zone and refused to make her feel obligated, but even she knew that humans had their limitations. He was no exception.